MMIX

And here we have it, an end to another year and what a way to end it.

I have been dragged out of my vacation leave and have been working overtime for the past 6 days, including New Year's eve. It's also another working day tomorrow too and possibly for the next few days too.

It simply pisses me off that extra work keeps streaming in just because the big boss wants to show some form of generosity. I may sound heartless but to state a cold hard fact very clearly, dealing with live organisms is never a bed of roses. You cannot expect every venture to have huge rewards without taking the risks into consideration. C'est le vie.

My colleagues and I ended our eve by fooling around in office while we wait for the meeting by our senior management to end.

Looking back, it has been a fairly lousy year with only minor glimmers to be found. The only star light I found promptly disappeared for the rest of the year and in the meantime, a long-anticipated trip next year appears to be in tetters as it seems that I have been played out.

What a way to end and begin a year. Having that little bit of starlight around will probably help...

The writer has been sporting the stone-face look for the last few days now and is likely to look even more glum as the next anticipated wave of shit is about to hit the fan...

It's not complicated

Alright people. I haven't been updating as often as I would like due to some work issues. During that time, there has been some developments in some aspects that somehow leaves me wondering if it was for the better or for worse.

Now for the better part of December (and late November), I've been running around quite a bit in preparation of a Ministerial visit and since the boss is conviniently out of country for that period, it's up to us (mainly myself) left to run the show. Why me? Let's see, my more senior colleague is busy with his family and housing issues, plus he got sent to represent the organisation at an overseas event. Colleagues from the other branch who are involved as well are busy with other things. So mainly it's left to me to attend planning trips with the management and than plan for the actual events.

All went well except for the constant changes to the program and the bad weather hampering our construction and rehearsals but we took it in stride. However, Murphy's Law came into effect when the actual show started. I shall not elaborate but it left us very much disappointed. Add to the frustration was the quarrelsome pair of colleagues that was evident for all to see. Being the senior officer left in office that day, I promptly dragged them into room when we cleared the stuff and sat down for some clear-the-air talks.

All in all this was a thankless job. All the shit goes to us and non of the hardwork behind the scenes will ever be acknowledged. But having told my worrying boss to go enjoy her holiday and leave the rest to us, I held my word. To have kept my integrity was the small bit of light in that dark period.

So after that tiring period, I finally had a breakthrough on my personal front. Having been bashing my head against the brick wall for so long, against all advice and common sense, the brick wall finally broke. Even so, I'm still left with a very bloodied head. Some ask me what compelled me to carry on with a seemingly futile exercise? Why do I persist in my stubborness? I can only give a blank stare, because if it happens, it's well worth the effort. Now that it has happened, I'm at a loss as to what to do!

Funny isn't it? The things I do sometimes defies logic, probably even insane (try jumping off a fully functioning aeroplane up in the air with nought but some strings and a piece of cloth on your back). It points to a very complex and crazy mindset. It's not complicated really, pure and simple. It's just me.

The writer is currently enjoying that small bit of a break for the year end before the madness resumes. New Year resolutions will have to wait.

Interview with a Celebrity

Just the other day there was this big hoo-ha about some celebrity being snobbish or "disconnected" during interviews. Let's take a peek at me appearing on Entertainment Tonight (E!).

E: Hello and welcome to the show

Angel: Thank you, I can't say I'm glad to sacrifice my spare time to be here but my publicity manager forced me to.

E: I'm sorry but we'll try to make this worth your time.

A: Ok, maybe I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry but shall we proceed?

E: Sure, what do you think of your latest role in the upcoming blockbuster?

A: My producers would like me to say that it's a very defining role that they created for me but personally I think the character is pretty messed up with the way he does things.

E: But isn't this role suppose to revive your stagnant career?

A: Yeah it may but then again, at the end of the day it's just a job. I do what my employers tell me to do. I don't ask to be held up for worship, hell I don't even need that much money.

E: Oh dear, is that why you've been playing the philanthropist to many major charities worldwide?

A: I do what I can. Beats having those fakes who pay lip service about doing their bit and encouraging others who earn less than 1% of their own paycheck to chip in.

E: We applaud you for that. Moving on to your personal life and gossips, how do you feel being on the wrong side of 30 and still single? Are you actively looking for a partner?

A: 30 is kind of a bad time when things start to go downhill for you and you feel it. On one hand it sucks to be single because of the stigma and pressure from others. On the other hand, it feels much better to have more control over the things you wanna do. And no, I am not seeing anyone special at the moment, despite what the tabloids have been trying to cook up.

E: But do you have plans to settle down and start a family eventually? Do you have a particular eye out for someone at the moment?

A: Now if I were just some average Joe sitting here, I'd probably go "Mind your own f***in' business" *chuckle* but yeah, it's be great to settle down eventually. I do have some interest in a few names in my black book if that's the juicy bit you were looking for.

E: Last question. Beauty pageants all wish for World Peace, what do you wish for?

A: Hmmm, how bout a gorgeous interviewer instead? But seriously, I wish those a**holes (paparazzis) out there would get a decent job and David (Letterman) not make jokes at my expense. Oh, and an agent with more wit and a brain. MJ, Rest in Peace bro! G'night all you kind folks!

The writer is glad he's not a celebrity though he doesn't mind the obscene paychecks. He just can't stand the flies and vultures that gather around. He aslo wish to state that this is all in jest and should not be taken seriously.

Climax or is it Anti?

Two days after an intensive week that saw me scrambling to do some rescue touch-ups on my model kit en-route to the competition finals site, helping with the packing and unpacking of stores, waking up in the early mornings throughout the weekend.... you get the picture.

So there I was, scheduled to pick up my model kit from the display cabinet of Takashimaya shopping centre and transport it to the site of the finals. Horror of horrors when I inspected the piece and found some cracks in the base! So quietly, I packed it up and good thing the workshop is along the way so I stopped by and some frantic work ensued before I walked over to the convention centre and then spent another 10 to 20 minutes figuring out the best placement with respect to the lighting in the display cabinet. After that, I spent almost the rest of my evening helping out to unpack at a friend's booth nearby.

Day 1 of the Anime Festival Asia 2009. I met up with an old acquaintance of almost a decade now. Kaika would be one of the cosers under my charge that day and of all the characters, had to be one that many of people are familiar with (and young boys drooling after... kekeke) - Souryu Asuka Langley. Kinda big turn off for the day was the crowd and the noise, not to mention the swarm of "flies" that were following Danny around.

Then there was star attraction Shoko-tan (Shoko Nakagawa) walking around in the hall while all the attraction was on the cosers at our booth! I didn't know who she was until I asked someone about the Japanese girl walking around with a few people and a cameraman in tow. Still clueless as to my role? I'm in charge of guarding the cosers at our booth and also limit access through the designated exit. Which worked pretty well when Danny went in to discuss some things with the boss and I take pleasure in shutting out those flies. Ended the day with an aching back and sore feet from standing the whole day!

Day 2 and it was a bad start. Just as I was about to park the car in the lot, my car died and I can't get it to start due to a dead battery. Had to push the car into a parking lot and call up for reinforcements. The crowd wasn't that bad for the day since most of them already snatched most of the hotter shirt designs anyway. Danny's wandering around out of his armour today and surprise surprise, not many flies in sight. A good thing I brought my camera today so before the flies appear, I managed to exchange name cards with him and had a mug shot with him. Then its a group shot of the gang that I never had a chance to capture the day before.

Pretty much more to do today with the car and all. First, had to linger around to wait for the Bandai Action Kit Universal Competition prize presentation and photo taking before rushing back to the parking lot with a friend to jump start the car and pass the keys to my dad. Then back to work. In the midst of everything, along came Mizuki Ichirou aka Aniki. Another famous anime singer doing a walkabout. The thing about Aniki-san is he's super friendly and obliges everyone who asks to be photographed with him. I got my chance and together we struck up his favourite pose for the camera.

Towards the end, with camera in hand, I prowled around the area taking shots of various cosers and even had the opportunity to take a group shot with some maids from the Moe moe Kyun Maid Cafe who were wandering around. It's all good folks. Last shot was of a neko-chan before its back to frantic packing up for the end of the event, collect my model and prize before heading back for dinner with the group.

Then along came Monday.... and a bout of common cold.... tchoo!

The writer was tire out from the 2 days and had a good time with his group of friends. Monday was a drag and Tuesday was a bore because of the illness. Thank goodness its a 4 day week....

Back to work

How is everybody? Coming back from a 2 month hiatus (Read: AWOL!! - Ed), the traveller fatigue is somewhat gone although I could always use more breaks. My mind's somewhat cleared by now and I'm just about ready to give up chasing shadows.

Ever since my last entry, I have been piling in a fair bit of energy into completing my piece for the (somewhat) gala competition for the year. The annual Bandai Asia Universal Kit Competition (BAKUC for short) and managed to complete it to a somewhat satisfactory level just before the submission deadline. The bad news is, the worse is yet to come. The stress was simply too much to handle as the piece is placed on display among so many other nicely done pieces. The stress is not in the expectation of my own but rather the feeling of inadequacy among so many pros. This should be the first and last time I'm going to be doing something like this again.

Work-wise, managed to settle some heavyweight issues, really heavy one at that. Although the weather does seem to get on my nerves. If it isn't one thing, it's usually the other. Then there's the disparaging remarks from some friends of my colleagues about me being an otaku. He had been trying to introduce me to some of his Japanese friends (females of course) ever since he knew I was into their culture and all. From what I heard, the first question out of their mouths when my colleague mentioned I do models was, yup: OTAKU? As if it's a disease or illness. Fine. I could do without company that shows such disdain for a largely misunderstood hobby. Try turning $50 worth of plastic into something worth over $200. Would you even pay over $500 for a "TOY"?

Anyway, I finally got my hands on the CD I was hunting for. Apparently only HMV carries it and they had been out of stock for the last 3 to 4 times I was down to ask for it. It may just be a soundtrack for a movie but the instrumental scores are really phenomenal and I'll certainly be playing this for my car rides.

The writer is still trying to ease the tension within his body as he quietly awaits the year-end break that is to come.

Welcome to Taiwan (Pt 3) - Rumble in the (Concrete) Jungle

Amidst the wake of the devastation, we kept on moving as we headed back to the capital...

Day 7 Another early day as we checked out of the "Surf and Shack", headed to the bus terminal only to learn there wasn't any buses to and from Kaoshiung. We were forced to take a cab. It was with some disappointment that I leave Kenting without revisiting many of the places. Back in Kaoshiung, its another zip down the MTR to Zhuoying before hopping on the train bound for Taipei. The ticket we paid through the automatic dispenser was quite a fair bit and we only found out it was an express train with only 2 stops along the way. We reached Taipei before noon and after a brief confusion, managed to locate our hostel, settled our bags and be on our way again.

We first headed out for lunch at yet another Maid Cafe, the Fatimaid. The place wasn't all that great but it was a decent setting so no complaints though. A quick lunch and its off to check out the underground mall before heading to the Presidential Building and the Chiang Kai Shek Memorial Hall, where we witnessed the retiring of the guards for the day. We then made our way to the Shihda Night Market (师大夜市), which failing to impress, saw us moving off to another part of the city for some okonomiyaki. Then a short trip to take in the Taipei 101 building at night.

Day 8 Morning saw us setting off to Jiantan (剑潭) to catch a bus to the Yangmingshan (阳明山) National Park. We had absolutely no idea how huge the place was and no idea where to start, so we ended up taking a coach and stopped at a spot, which name I forgot, and did some hiking trying to make it up a peak of something. Instead, it brought us to some scenic spots but not to any peaks. Still, the air was fresh with the only complaint being the heat and the humidity. By midday, we were on our way back to the hostel for a shower before heading to a restaurant nearby that specialises in Unagi dishes for lunch. By the time we finished, it started raining so we caught a cab to the local equivalent of our Sim Lim Square for some shopping (comics and games galore!) before heading back to the underground mall (still raining so its the cab again) for some exploration. That was where we had tea at the Maiden Diner, a train station-themed Maid cafe. After which we made our way to the Shilin Night market (士林夜市), which was bustling with activity and the stench of Fermented Beancurds... It was here that we both got into a little argument over some misunderstanding.

Day 9 We split up with me heading to the Sun Yat Sen Memorial Hall early in the morning and then to the Taipei 101. It was too early and only the offices were starting to open so I went off to the Martyr's Shrine across the city and was just in time to catch a change of guard ceremony take place. Then a quick trip to the Chiang Kai Shek Residence (士林宫邸) and the Taipei Astronomical Museum before going back to the Maiden Diner for lunch (I like the ambiance there). Can you believe it that I actually got the same seat as the day before even though the place was quite packed?

Afternoon saw me up the Taipei 101 at last but just what is it with me, tall towers and rain? The scenery was not that great but at least the rain wasn't over me (yet) as I crossed over to the WTC exhibition hall where they happened to be having the Taipei Comics Convention! Lucky me as I got some comics, 2 posters and some nice shots of the cosplayers manning the booths. It's nice that most of them are friendly and obliging whenever anyone asks for a photoshoot.

Day 10 Another day on my own as Ximending (西门町) turned out to open late as well. As soon as it opened, I was checking out the 5 floors of Animate, buying some comics and then its off to the Cosplay Cafe next door (Cafe Cosic) for some lunch. After dropping off my purchases in the room, I tried navigating to the computer mall to make some more purchases (some comics and a H-game too) before ending the day packing up the bags.

Day 11 A quick excursion in the morning trying to find some mangoes (don't ask) at the nearby distributor market and then its off to the airport. I had mixed feelings about leaving the place and coming back home. It's been quite nice being disconnected from the world I was living in before and I sure didn't feel like reconnecting. Perhaps its the travellers' fatigue as I ended up having the couldn't-care-less feeling for quite a while (even now I still feel vestiges of it). My carefree world came crashing down when the workweek started...

The writer is slowly recovering from the crash and the depression. He still feels the urge to uproot and leave this place and disappear for an extended period. Donations are most welcomed.

Welcome to Taiwan (Pt 2) - Nature's Wrath

Day 3 The approach of Typhoon Morakot was felt throughout the day with strong erratic winds, short bursts of rainfall and clouds all going in one direction. We practically spent the entire day in our room watching cable TV.

Day 4 The typhoon made landfall sometime in the pre-dawn hours and we found ourselves in ankle-deep of water as the drainage at our hostel got clogged. We got it good since many places either had landslides, waist-high floods or houses flattened by the strong winds. Must be a blessing to have planned our itinerary to make the most of what would have been a disastrous trip.

Day 5 The slowing of the typhoon overland eventually saw it leaving the island in the early morning. The skies still bore the dark clouds but we started out to the National Museum of Marine Biology and Aquarium. I had been here previously during our RnR 9 years back and the place was just completed then. As there were no bus services running, we decided to try walking to take in the view of the countryside as well as the devastation caused. Somewhere a few clicks North of Town, a driver offered to drive us further up the road to where he was going and we hitched a ride. Along the way, when he learnt of our destination, he was aghast and warned us of the distance, and then proceeded to offer to drive us there. It was all good and we paid him NT$400 for his trouble. The Aquarium had undergone an expansion with a new building housing samples from around the world. The winds were still strong and the surf was terrible (the museum was near the coast) and we spotted a marooned ship on the shoreline as we made our way to the new annex. I could hardly remember what was inside back then but looking at the fish and animals in the tanks filled me with joy and wonder (sorry but I have never been to the local Underwater World yet). When it was time for us to return, we found ourselves slightly stranded since the fella from earlier was too busy to come pick us up (we were gonna pay of course...) so I dragged my buddy along the route and tried to hitch a ride while walking down. We got lucky when a car picked us up and he was on his way to Hengchun as well. All's well that ends well with the rest of the day mucking around the room minus some cable channels due to the lost transmissions.

Day 6 We were originally scheduled to leave for Alishan (阿里山) but our plans literally got washed out due to the extent of damage caused to the mountainous regions so we tried picking up the places in Kenting we were not able to visit due to the typhoon. Our first stop in the morning was the east coast area of Jialeshui (佳乐水). A coastal area with many strange rock formations. Initially we tried looking for a waterfall that was supposedly there but couldn't find it. Instead we spotted yet another marooned ship on our walk northwards along the track strewn with mud and debris. We spent slightly less than 2 hours there, wandering among the rocks and taking photos before we head back to town for lunch and then another bus direct for Oluanpi (鹅銮鼻), the Southernmost tip of the island. Unfortunately, the place was still closed due to the typhoon in spite of the hot sun. I ended up buying some souvenirs before taking the bus to see the famous sail rock (船帆石). From a certain angle, the damn rock really did look like Richard Nixon. Then, in the stifling humidity, we made our way to Kenting town, missed the bus (when it refused to stop after we tried flagging it down) and caught a cab back to town where we spent the night packing up. It was disappointing that we had to miss out visiting Oluanpi and Maobitou (猫鼻头) but I think it had been a nice experience to be back for a visit to the places and fulfilling that desire.

The writer is still sorting through the photos so please be patient.

Welcome to Taiwan (Pt 1) - Return to the 9-year-old "Crimescene"

About time I made an entry about my recent return down memory lane, albeit with a twist. I am backdating the entry as well. Instead of an earthquake, my return to Formosa (Taiwan) is now a category 2 typhoon.

Day 1 We reached Taoyuan International and promptly caught the bullet train (高铁) to ZhuoYing station (左营) before catching the MTR to Kaoshiung city, where we "checked" into this apartment. I'd rave about the place but it'll take up too much space (but if you're keen to know, drop me a note). We then went in search of the maid cafe to pay a little visit. After stumbling on a few anime stores, we finally found the place. A quiet and cosy spot called the Tokuyomi@Kaoshiung. The girls were friendly (and cute!), service was excellant and the menu was rather creative too (oh, and the food was not bad. Local flavour with a dash of Japanese). After dinner, we went off to the famous Liuhe night market (六合夜市) and then spent the rest of the night watching cable TV while savouring our first chicken cutlets (香鸡耙) and fruit tea.

Day 2 Early day as we caught a bus and headed down to Hengchun (恒春), an old city which I had been to previously back in 2000 when I was sent here for training. Along the way, there were many familiar sights such as the betelnut stalls (minus the girls now). We reached the town around noon where we suddenly became lost since there was no readily available map of the area. It took us a while before we found our lodging, a nice hostel called the "Surf and Shack". Once we're done settling our stuff, we grabbed our cameras put on our hiking shoes (well, maybe just me) and hit the road, road 200 that is. The area was once my "playground" when I was here for training, so coming back has always been a dream because of the sights that we could not experience properly as a soldier.

Along the road just a few hundred metres out from the town's East gate, we came by Chu Huo (出火) a site with fires sustained by an upwelling of natural gas. Apparently the place sort of shifted nearer to the town based on my memory. Further down the road, we came to this restaurant that I've been dying to go to. Why? Nine years ago, during a certain Exercise R** B****, my team stopped by this restaurant and had a meal (illegally of course) at the rear of the building enroute to our final checkpoint up the mountainous range called Chi Niu Ling (赤牛岭). It was forbidden to bring any currency (or have any contact with the locals) during the exercise but as you know, us boys being boys, ahem ahem. We're not the first and we're definitely not the last. Unfortunately, they were not opened for business for a while, most a pity.

Moving on, we reached the county border of Manzhou (满洲) and my aim was to visit the famous Chikong waterfalls (七孔瀑布), a series of 7 consecutive waterfalls at the base of the imposing Laofuoshan (老佛山). Although the road towards the falls was a gradual gentle upslope route, it tire us out quickly, partly due to the long walk all the way from Hengchun (about 10 to 14km to reach the route). By the time we reached the carpark gateway, my buddy gave up so it was up to me to make the journey of another few hundred metres to reach the base of the falls. I had to trek into the sparse forest area and negotiate a few streams before I reached the base of the first fall. The subsequent climb up to the other falls had to be done with the aid of ropes and trees. The weather was slowly but surely turning bad with the on-coming typhoon and the slopes were slippery enough to make me give up after reaching the 3rd fall.

It was rather disappointing but we hurriedly made our way back to the main road to catch the bus back to town and the hostel. It was only that night when we switched on the TV that we found out the inbound Morakot, scheduled to make landfall the next day. All along we had thought the strong winds we felt during our hike was a natural occurrence as I had felt such winds when I was last here.

The writer will not be showing any photos in the next few entries as he is still trying to finish sorting and labelling the hundreds he took. Photos will be posted up in chronological order which can be followed along with these entries on his facebook site.

And now a word from our sponsors....

The writer is currently on extended "vacation". His contributions will be back once the editor can manage to locate his whereabouts.

That kind of time

By all accounts, this has been a fairly bad week. I'm getting bald, fat and grumpy....

Well, not really but it has been a lousy week starting from day one. Even before work started, I had a call from my boss, berating me for some fault or mistake that was somehow not mine.

Being in the midst of Monday blues and compounded by the morning irritation, I nearly blew my top when it was implied that everything was due to my incompetence. I barely was able to regain control when I tersely semi-shouted back through the phone. With that, the mood was more or less soured.

That same afternoon, I picked up an injury while doing work. I think I overstrained a tendon in my hand as I felt the twinge and till today, my middle knuckle still hurts when I exert it. Even the simplest force rendered from pulling something causes a sharp pain to shoot up the arm.

Then, it rained on my parade. Well, not literally my parade but you get the drift. I had been hoping to catch another partial solar eclipse but after bright sunny starts to the previous few days, it chose to pour on that day. I noticed that this tends to happen almost everytime there's something to see up there. I guess the tag of Rainman is not too far-fetched. I feel for those in Shanghai too.

Worse still, I just got notified that my income tax has doubled as compared to the previous year. This is in spite of my pay NOT doubling and no mid-year bonus to cover it. Plus now I'm saddled with paying the bills since my dad got hospitalised. At least his ok now and recuperating at a relative's place. Money goes out faster than you can save up doesn't it?

So here we are. Thank goodness it's Friday. I'm still feeling prickly and edging for a fight. Of course, I blame it all on a DVD marathon of House M.D. Season 3. So if you're at the receiving end so far, take this back with you: I can be a jerk to people I haven't slept with. I am that good.

The writer is currently in the midst of going through a fat novel with itty-bitty print. Season 4 of House beckons him from the corner of his shelf.

Burning red ears

It's not easy lending a listening ear, much less when you have issues of your own that's bugging you. For the past few weeks, I find myself sandwiched in the middle, Having my ears pulled and pulling someone else's ears.

Pretty much the entire issue has to do with the fickle-mindedness of a certain group of people (READ: WOMEN). For my own case, it's not so much any development or change in the status quo, rather it was my boss and the numerous schedule conflicts between my job and other "assigned" (arrowed) activities.

On the other side, I have a girl whom I met some time back from the online portal of the dating agency. She had just rebuffed a get-back-together attempt by, guess who, a former colleague of mine. Due to confidentiality issues, I shall not discuss this any further as it is against ethics to discuss personal issues of others in depth. The sharp knives would probably want to jump at the chance to draw parallels and cut me open anyway.

It was pretty straight forward at first until I was asked for advice. Not blowing my own trumpet here but usually I gave quite logical advice for various situations BUT for some unknown reasons, people tend to never take them. You can blame me for not taking my own advice but as of late, the last laugh seems to be from my end (metaphorically speaking of course, I don't laugh at other people's problems). Hey, if you don't want to take my advice, don't ask for it. If you do, be prepared to let me indulge in the "I told you so" moment.

Listening ears are hard to come by. I was lucky to have a good friend who takes it all in (and dishing some out). I can understand how frustrating it can be when you have to talk to someone and things are just too personal to publish online (even if access is limited). For those I do not turn to, it's not because of trust issues but more of the lack of situational awareness and interest I sense. To put it more bluntly, either you have zero experience to help, can't be arsed or can't wait to see me fail. I get emo, I feel angst, I'm still human. Thank you for all who cared instead of telling me to sod off.

The writer has managed to restart the rusty clockwork in his head of some future plans. He is looking forward to a trip that has been in the works for the last 8 years.

Michael Jackson (1958 - 2009)

For a while I've been resisting my urge to write this down. It's hard to make this not sound like another regretful tribute to the passing of a great artiste, neither would I claim to be a great fan. The passing of Michael Jackson was a shock to all of us as many of us were eagerly waiting for his final curtain performances in his final tour.

I seriously did not harbour much hope of ever seeing him perform live but nevertheless, his music was the reason why I even listened to music. I can still remember singing to his tunes before my voice broke in my younger years. Sometimes I wonder if the strain actually caused my voice to break instead of puberty.

His moves enthralled me as much as his songs, many of us emulating them. I can more or less attribute many of my worn out soles to doing his signature moonwalks on the hard concrete school floor. Aching toes doing the tip-toe stand and convulsing shoulders (I don't really wanna go into that one). We tried everything saved for that gravity defying lean.

It was pretty sad seeing what happened to him when he started his fall. I honestly never believed he was guilty of all those charges brought upon him. Even though he was acquited after finally choosing to contest one of the many charges brought up, the media continued to lionised him as if he were guilty. I found it so sick and repulsive and was so disgusted that I refused to read anything the media wrote about him. It was only when his voice came up in an episode of the Simpsons while spending my time in Australia that brought all these memories back. I became a born-again MJ fan.

Now, with his passing. The media has once again reared its ugly head. I am choosing to ignore them yet again. The memory of the man and his music should remain untainted in all their glory. The voice and the moves may be gone forever but his memories and achievements shall live on forever in our hearts. Its the very least we could do.

The King is Dead. Long Live the King!

The Heat is On

Boy has it been hot. The sweltering heat has been smelling like a piece of burnt meat and to a certain extent, the heat is going up to my head. For the last two or three days, it seems as if I could have blown up any time as patience desserted.

It wasn't entirely due to the heat though. True, one becomes easily irritable and short fused after spending hours on end working under the sun. The igniting point was the comments brought forth by the office-dwellers, the NATO (No Action Talk Only) group. I doubt I should go into the details since it'll simply degrade into a ranting session.

So here I am, day three of the week and starting to show signs of fatigue. It feels like the oozing of sweat also forces out the energy in your body. I guess now at least people get an idea on how the coral polyps around the world are feeling.

Moving on, I'm please to say I have cleared my hurdle for this year. After nearly missing out on my silver award yet again with a fault jump in my 2nd IPPT, I managed to squeeze the PTI for a compensating jump after telling him off that "I'm not here to pass the damn thing, I'm here to get my silver". And just to be on the safe side, I more or less aced the other stations saved for the 2.4km run, proof that I have what it takes to stay in good physical condition despite spending more time in front of the computer nowadays.

As for the rest of you who keep giving the "no time" excuse, you suck. Your body your life so I'm looking forward to humiliating you over your body shape if you intend to do nothing about it.

The writer is still on a short fuse. The men in white coats are on standby outside the door.

My take

Recent events in the news:

Southeast Asia's most wanted criminal caught

If there was ever a national cover up of obvious proportions, this is it. Sure a damn convenient excuse to say he was being observed in order to capture the others. But when he was captured, were there any others? Trying to squirm from the fact that you fags don't even realised he was living right under your nose for the entire duration aren't you? I swear, the competence of your police officers should be your bigger worry, not JI members.

North Korea goes nuclear, fires missiles and threatens war

Insecurity? Feels more like impotence. This failed state behaves like a spoiled child throwing a tantrum when it doesn't get its way or is ignored altogether. I say, either grow up or just nuke the bastards to kingdom come.

GM goes bust

About time. This AMERICAN obsession with depleting the global oil supply as quickly as possible is going to kill us all. All that stored energy going to waste on inefficient and ridiculously big vehicles, belching out more carbon monoxide per mile and keeping the "American dream" alive. I say good riddance. And go suck a tree branch too Chrysler.

Global Pandemic

It's big, it's bad, it's harmless?! The H1N1 virus is actually weaker than normal flu?! So what's causing such a panic? Fear of death. Even though the US is a well-known hot spot, it's unbelievable that people are still stupid enough to be going there. Simply because these dumb pricks have that "it'll never happen to me" mentality. Now that they've brought it back home, I hope you're happy now.

17 year old model flees from husband, the prince of Kelantan, citing abuse

You're only 17 years old! Don't tell me you know what is love! Blinded by the glamour and the riches weren't you? Disappointed with the reality? You got what was coming you stupid bitch!

The writer wishes to reiterate that the views aired are his own and does not reflect the views of the general public, whom he thinks are a bunch of idiots anyway.

State of the Public Transport

Have you ever dreaded taking public transport? Dreamt about owning your own car? How about a personal chauffer? Or more remotely, wished they somehow had perfected the transporter beam?

There are some among us who can afford but just won't find it economical to drive around. Then there are those who cannot afford buying a tyre without stressing out their budgets. The minority who can afford but chose not to for reasons other than economics, i.e. environmental, personal, etc.

One way or another, most of us are stuck with cramming up like sardines in public transport. I will narrate why I loathe the self-proclaimed "World-class" public transport. Come rush hour, you would be lucky enough to be able to step into either the train or bus. Sometimes it can be so crammed that you'd end up with your face in someone else's back, and still the people just keep cramming in!

Then there's the drivers with sh*t for brains, travelling at snail pace, picking up "phantom" passengers from deserted stops and stopping at green lights. I mean, where the heck do these people come from? Next are the other commuters that ruin your ride. The inconsiderate (or illiterate?) idiots who can't seem to get the idea the world doesn't revolve around them. I mean, is it that hard to stand aside for disembarking passengers? Can't understand why the escalators are jammed up? Chances are there's an idiot happily standing on the right/express lane. I mean come on! Even the less educated "ah-mahs" in HK can do better than you! And I haven't even got to those who "magically" fall asleep or become blind when an old lady or a pregnant one comes on board...

Just the other day on my way home, a man boarded a few stops after me and then occupied the seat beside mine. Then it hit me, right in the face. The stench of the dreaded Athlete's feet.... I was like "Whooooooooff.....!!!!! WTF!!!!". Are these people even aware of it? I guess they must take pleasure in conducting such chemical warfare on fellow commuters. By the time I disembarked, I felt like a Holocaust survivor....

Note to self, have a face mask ready in bag at all times.

Any bad personal experiences? Share them.

Minor ramblings on a sleepless night

It's one of those nights plagued with insomnia and so here I am to summarise some thoughts of the events that have come to pass.

First up, there's the coup and counter-coup within a local organisation that has drama written all over it. Amidst all the big hoo-ha over the incident, I find it mildly amusing that a small organisation with a membership of 3000 (effectively less than that have voting rights) claiming to represent a 3-million size population. Sounds arrogant and elitist to me.

Now if we go deeper into this cesspool, we get to the mudslinging of claims and counter-claims (whoopee). Apparantly, it began with an issue with the "direction" (ahem ahem) the organistion has been gearing towards but in the end it mutated into an issue with secularism and "civil movement". It's all a farce and a damn big joke if you asked me. It is of no surprise to me that, after the counter-coup parties claimed "victory" in the name of "tolerance", a certain group organised a "support" event shortly after. If there was to be a "victory" parade, it's very subtle indeed.

On the flip side, after a roller-coaster season (the up has been good but the occassional down was too sttep for my liking), I can finally heave a sigh of relief as the championship has been sewn up. Making it even better was denying the arch-rival any further attempts to churn up their nonsense. Sure you've beaten us twice but what has that got you? I guess it's finally time for me to do the gloating huh? But don't worry, I'll hold it off for just another few more days before I finally let it rip. Having been at the recieving end of some rather unsavoury comments posted up in FB, I'll be civil enough so as not to drop to your level. Revenge is a dish best served cold indeed.

Finally, been busy working and working. Job and hobby. Yes yes, I know I spend too much free time either on my hobby or on the internet. I got hooked on a certain anime too, even though it's one year late but hey, at least I don't get the chance to splurge on related merchandise anymore. Lately, I think I'm displaying more and more of the otaku trait. i.e. buying/wearing anime related clothing, hanging toys on my bag, unveiling that gigantic framed wedding poster of my favourite character.... (yes yes, I'm not running from the fact that I'm still single and unwanted)

One last note. Here's a song found within that anime. I think I know a few people who will probably loathe this song if they knew what it is about. ;)

http://www.esnips.com/doc/0414489c-b97c-4b67-9a07-017d5667da64/01---Misoji-Misaki

The writer is still not able to sleep. That pile of comics in the corner is starting to look very tempting....

I need a break but not like this!

Ever had one of those days where you did something against your better judgement and end up being a big loser? Yesterday for me was one of those days. I went to work despite harbouring an awesome headache.

Before you jumped to conclusions, this had nothing to do with the fact that it was a Monday, nor was it psychological. The pressure inside my head was really something and if not for the pills I popped, I could barely be standing up by mid-day. Now I'm not about to be endorsing any commercial products here but those pills were a life-saver.

For most of the day, I tried taking it easy with a persistent pain at the back of my head. Fueled entirely by caffeine and paracetamol. Knock off time couldn't have come any earlier as I withstood the torturous journey home on public transport. Again, instead of heading to see a physician, I decided to sleep it off. It didn't help as the headache persisted this morning. I took my first sick leave for the year after soldiering on for many similar occasions earlier on. So here I am, sleeping off the day at home without any signs of improvement as the pain continues to linger in the head but I must get back to work soon....

The writer doubts the situation will improve come morning and wishes to clarify that he is NOT a workaholic. Really.

Ode to my Mother

I know you can no longer hear what I have to say, nor read what I write but I still will write this anyway. Ever since that dark drizzling night I have always felt the deep regrets of not having said what I needed to say.

The others are bound to start labelling me as mummy's boy but I know otherwise. What do they know about the loss of someone who has been a constant pillar of strength and support? How many of them have lost someone dearest to them, forever?

I hope you have gone in peace, free from the torture and burden of leaving us behind. All of us are more or less grown up by now and living fairly independent lives. We know we have caused you much grief throughout our lives and we hope you forgive us. I personally know I had not been up to your expectations since going from the top of the class to middle of the class mediocrity, culminating in the extreme disappointment of that certain period during secondary school.

Since that day, I had picked myself up and started climbing again. Although I could never climb to the level most parents would have wanted their kids, it was the way which I chose to go and I know you have always been supportive of that. I have always been grateful for your presence during the depressing periods I had to endure throughout my polytechnic and army years. It may not be much but having you and father pin on my epaulets was one of the proudest and happiest moments of my life. Close to that would be having our family photo taken during my graduation. In these two milestones of my life, I hope I had redeemed myself somewhat and done you proud.

Although I often accuse you of favouritism towards my younger siblings, I know you take the effort for me too. I will never forget how, when I mentioned about the torturous smell of curry making us hungry during our long march exercise in near starvation conditions, you proceeded to cook curry for me when I booked out that weekend. It was heavenly.

The moment I saw you lying in the ICU, I broke down abruptly. I had never realised how much you meant to me till then but we all know that it's usually too little too late. When you finally left, it was a crushing blow to all of us, most of all for dad. It hurts to see him retain his composure for our sake, it hurts even more to see the parting tears in your eyes and having all these words bottled up inside with no longer any avenues for them to be heard.

You have never celebrated Mother's day because you don't believe in such a day but "Happy Mother's Day" nontheless. It is with deep regrets that I have never done much for you but I want you to know that I have always loved you. To the Greatest Mother of all. One who have given us so much.

The writer wishes all mums a Happy Mother's Day.

Cheated!

In case you're left wondering about the quote in the previous post:

People are like dice, casting themselves into their lives - Jean-Paul Sartre

-------------------------------

Ever had times when you thought everything turned out well but found out later that the result was not what you expected? The disappointment felt extreme, doesn't it? For the better part of that torturous morning I thought I had achieved my silver grading for my annual IPPT but when I collected my result slip, it told me otherwise...

I had missed out by one point, meaning I was cheated out of a hundred bucks by the mere virtue of 2 chin-ups, 2 sit-ups or 0.1sec.... How frustrating is that when I had huffed and puffed my life out struggling to finish that 2.4km run in good time. Now I have to do it all over again, if not for the money I still have my pride and personal target.

Its been a fairly quiet, yet busy month so far. So much arrows stuck on my back to deal with and then there's the anime I'm watching, finding some good philosophical insights and nice songs in them. Then there's this rare forey of me attending a talk organised by the Ocean Geographic Society the other day by the famed NatGeo photojournalist, Emory Kristof (every deep sea photos you see were done by him). A really entertaining 1hour listening to the development of oceanographic photography from the beginnings till today. When asked how he tells people what he does for a living, one cannot help chuckle when he replied," I photograph 'sea monsters' for the Geographic", which was essentially true since most of his subjects would seem like one to ordinary folks.

Oh, and I got back to digging into my pile of resin figures after one whole year of loafing around with gunplas. But I'm still doing plastic models though and so far, my production count for this year has already leaped to 4 (yay!). Honestly, there's no where else to channel my energy towards. It's ridiculous to spend any of it on work anyway since I'm not interested in running the rat race or climbing the corporate ladder. I'm fine just where I am, standing still on one spot. For anyone who's still reading my entries, I thank you and hope you find your comfort spot as well.

The writer is still feeling the fatigue from that exhaustive test. He hopes to have a better rest for the long weekend ahead before going back to get his silver grading.

Join the OG society http://www.ogsociety.org/
A small showcase of what the writer has finished (out of his mountain) http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/album.php?aid=75990&id=705617874&ref=mf

Lost in directions

L'homme est d'abord ce qui se jette vers un avenir,et ce qui est conscient de se projeter dans l'avenir
- Jean-Paul Sartre

What truth these words reflect. Every now and then, one arrives at a crossroad on their journeys. If one is lucky, the way ahead is clearly pointed out with a classic arrow signpost. Some will get clearcut choices (flat path as opposed to rocky terrain). The worst one can get is a dead end.

Since my life have been revolving around the anime world, should it be any surprise that I actually take my directions from there? To be honest, anime has given me more comfort than any of my friends or family members throughout the years. Even though some anime are downright depressing, I can never fail to sense the hope behind every last episode, even though the endings may not always be a happy one.

So here I am, a decade of joining the otaku rank and file. Still the same hopeless person as ten years ago. To the extent of drawing hope from anime, seeing the parallels with my life and deriving advice from it. For example, feeling frustrated at the main character's inability to profess his feelings, I tried forcing myself to take the next step (but not getting the results anyway). Drawing spirit from the sacrifices the guy character goes through for the girl, I tried emulating in my own way (but to no avail as well). Makes one lose confidence in myself with each passing day, wondering and reasoning through my own faults and failings. Sometimes I wonder if the writer for Toradora is actually someone who knows me or has been monitoring my life... but I guess otakus like me are just not cut out to go into a relationship.

I know I've been sitting on this entry for 4 days by now, I'm just reluctant to commit so much of the raw emotions I feel into words. Today (9th April), for the first time in a long while, I woke up with the urge to break down crying. Not because I had to drag myself to work again, but it was an unexplanable surge in a mix of emotions like sorrow and anguish. It could be due to the wierd dream I had earlier (it's kind of inexplicable right now) or perhaps the dam started leaking there and then.

The writer is not posting any post scripts for this entry. Not in the mood to even try to be funny. (Sorry -Ed.)

Silky Heart

My Silky Love
24時間ずっと
My Silky Love
キミのこと想うたび
My Silky Love
もどかしいこの気持ち
My Silky Love
ただ溢れかえってく

スキと言えば簡単なのに
キミが前に来ちゃうと
個性(キャラ)がそびえ 私のコトを邪魔してる

いつもならば強気でイケる
そんな性格なのに
どんな頑張ってみても壁は崩せない

察して欲しい… この気持ちを
だから私は いつもキミに
大好きだよと 送る視線
最大の勇気で!

破れそうな シルクノハート
キミに逢って気づいた やっと
愛には不器用だったんだって
忘れかけた 恋の傷跡
急に疼きだしたの キュンと
いつかは私らしくスキと
言わなきゃ…今より弱くなっちゃうよ

スキと言えば楽になれるの
ホントわかってるのに
口にしたらキミが離れてしまいそう

どんな風に想ってんだろう?
キミは私のコトを
いまの距離は単に友達なんだろうな

キレイゴトかも知れないけど
傷付きたくない ただそれだけ…
なんて自分に 言い聞かせた
逃げてるだけだよね

破れそうな シルクノハート
今度、傷ついたなら きっと
二度と誰も愛せなくなっちゃう
胸に響く 裂けそうな音
記憶(カバン)の底にあるよ きっと
あの日しまい忘れたままの
ソーイングキットがどこかにあるはず…

24時間ずっと
My Silky Love
キミのこと想うたび
My Silky Love
もどかしいこの気持ち
My Silky Love
ただ溢れかえってく
My Silky Love
24時間ずっと
My Silky Love
キミのこと想うたび
My Silky Love
もどかしいこの気持ち
My Silky Love
ただ溢れかえってく

破れそうな シルクノハート
キミに逢って気づいた やっと
愛には不器用だったんだって
弱さを隠すためにわざと
強がってたとしてもきっと
いつかは私らしくスキと
キミにこの気持ちをちゃんと伝えよう...

そういう文できている...
さよなら、とらドラ! (T^T)

Being single is not a crime, it's a sentence...

A friend of mine recently lamented how annoying parents and relatives can be. And yes, its about that much dreaded question again. And relatives keep wondering why I never visit...

My parents never once bothered me with this, until recently my dad started dropping hints (or what I take as hints) by muttering that we're all kids until we get married. Hey, don't blame me for being single but at least I'm not a NEET (Not engaged in Education, Employment or Training). I'm still actively working and distracting myself with my hobby (cursing and swearing half the time too).

These folks don't seem to realise that it's not easy for us guys (and to be fair, girls too). Usually for my friend's case (his name is Paul), many people seldom see past his physical appearance, which in this case is his cerebral palsy, to see the good-natured and humorous person within. Now before I get accused of trying to sell him, I'm not (so no need to get all excited you Ping Pong). What I'm trying to put across is, it gets harder and harder for us guys nowadays.

One has to get past the appearance stage before your earning power comes into play. The guys has the ability to summon up extras like cars, expensive watches, etc to up his appeal. Sad to say I do not have such powers to conjure, I'm either not tall enough, not good looking enough or can't live up to the high expectations and earning capabilities you girls expect. I don't even have my own car or room for goodness sake. All I have is the sincerity and the willingness to sacrifice but apparently, it's not enough (It never is enough is it?). You can go for your ang-moh boyfriends without having to give me such excuses.

Come 30th April, I'll be on my own now as I sever my ties with the only dating agency I've joined. Call it jadedness or apathy. Behind every success story may be a woman but I just don't see myself there anymore. I think it's better that I try to haul myself out of the lower income bracket and enrol in a ninja school, or maybe get myself some noise cancelling earmuffs...

The writer has been trying to figure out how to plan for the holiday he so desperately craves. He has been fairly accident-proned recently, getting cuts, bruises and culminating in an injured foot today. It's surprising he hasn't broken any bones yet.

A day in the life of...

6.35am. Alarm wakes me up from my comatosed state as I drag my half-dead body up and proceeds to brush my teeth while flipping through the webpages on my PC. Then still half-awake, I hit the cold showers, dressed up, grab the bag and I'm out of the door by 7.

7.45am. Arrival at Raffles Place. Send out an sms greeting (usually unanswered) and proceed to get a packed lunch and then sit down to read the papers while waiting for bus to the ferry terminal.

9am. We reach the island as everyone slowly trudges to their respective work areas. I take some time out while waiting for the others to change and head down to the beach to do some combing. Anything interesting is collected and placed in my bag.

9.30am. We arrive at the farm where we begin our daily work routine. Boss would have messaged me 5 to 10 minutes earlier with some things that need to be done. Sit down drink some tea/coffee while giving a briefing to the guys and then its off to work.

10.30am. a) Get slapped by a 5kg fish, b) Get poked by fish spines or c) Get cuts on the hands trying to pull up the net/ropes. (The hazards, all in a days work). If we're lucky, the dolphins come by for a visit.

12pm. Hopefully work is more or less done as we break for lunch. Finish up some data recording before I hope on the boat around 1pm and head to the island to shower up. My cats (about 4 to 5 of them, and increasing) will crowd around me as I take a brief respite and play with them.

1.30pm. I plonk myself down at my desk, startup the computer and make my cup of coffee. The stuff collected from this morning goes onto my desktop "museum" as I make myself comfortable before the discomfort begins. Starting with the emails...

3pm. Battle starts with the advance of the Z monster, in spite of the caffeine. Either 1) I go take a walk or b) I go read the news at BBC/CNA.

5pm. Still smarting from the torture of sleep-deprivation, hit the kill switch of the computer and lumbers down to the jetty. The commuting time takes more than 2 hrs before I hit home. Along the way, curse and swear at the stupid drivers.

7.30pm. Hit the showers (again), sit down for dinner before parking myself in front of my computer, going through emails, some FB stuff, watch shows or just read comic while I wait (with futile written all over it) for someone to come online.

12mn. Reluctantly go off and pack up for tomorrow. Wash up and head to bed.

The writer is currently suffering from PMS (Pre-Monday Syndrome you idiots, not the other PMS) and depression. Over what? Saturday's poor match compounding the generally lousy feel since the beginning of the year.

Hollywood has ruined everything

The movies have ruined everything. From childhood memories to historical events. From great shows they decended to mediocre adaptations and worse still, pathetic extensions known as Part 2.

Now the original Ring (Ringu in its orginal name) was a great horror show. It scared the beejeesus out of me (made me stayed away from dark rooms with TVs in them for a month or so) and I think it also made my sister blame me for her nightmares. Surprisingly, the subsequent installations may not have reached that height but they were decent in closing off the loops in the original. The horror came when Hollywood burst in, took over the show and cast everything in their Westernised form. The silent horror became the usual run-of-mill person draped in white sheets and sporting hair that just came out of the showers and then trying to sound eerie while giving supposed warnings while to the tune of "high tension" background music. That is of course accompanied by the constant screamings, as if to remind you what you should be doing. Yawn. And that is just me understating it.

Now almost every chinese or historian worth their weight in salt knows of the period of the Three Kingdoms era in ancient China. The heroes of the era are well known, particularly those of the Kingdom of Shu-Han. Now they've decided to do a large-scale movie of the infamous Battle of Red Cliff. Which was fine and dandy given the use of special effects to make the battle more grandious than it can ever be filmed (without actually burning down the set, or a hole in the producers' pockets). Now here's my beef. What does a one minute sex scene got to do with this significant event? Or the fact that they had to change the storyline just to make everything gel (The long dead people didn't have to wield majestic-looking swords or engage in great drama to make everything the way they were). Shu-Han's leader, Liu Bei, was reknown for being a man of virtue and they had to make him out to look like a coward running for his life. All because they thought it was a more dramatic way of making the ruse look more plausible. Warrior princess, Sun Shang Xiang, suddenly became a spy in the Cao-Wei encampment (falling in "love" with an enemy bumpkin in the meantime too). The great tactician, Zhuge Liang, became a clown. What's the go? Quit twisting my history just to suit your Western fantasies.

Now most guys my age would know about names like "Street Fighter"and "Dragon ball". Full of violence, heroics, supernatural powers (and some bits of minor soft-porn). All these that is enough to make boys drool and satisfy raging hormones. Then the movies came along. Along with that, all the childhood fantasies went down the drain as well. Typical western stereotypes filled the air in the original SF movie. Now they've gone a bit further by twisting the characters of DB. The characters suddenly got American citizenship and the dirty-minded Tortise-sage became a normal wise-cracking old man (oh why Mr Chow? You were too good an actor for such ridiculous roles). Now quit butchering my childhood memories too!

Amazing I tell you. I think every Chinese nationals or others who's been trying to gain US citizenship using Singapore as a stepping board should take note of this pertinent fact. Try getting superpowers, be tormented by mean-spirits and most importantly, get adapted into a highly successful movie. Hollywood will get you your citizenship faster than their banks can cheat you of your money.

The writer has decided to boycott Hollywood movies, or those made for Western audiences in mind. He wishes to elaborate that not all movies are bad. He particularly enjoyed the LOTR trilogy and some selected action-adventure films as well.

Chemistry of time

It may have passed unnoticed but I had been keeping a rather low profile lately and have not been writing as much as I should. Let's just say I felt like threading on thin ice and whatever I write might end up boomeranging back at me.

What I ended up with right now is a whole bunch of thoughts and feelings stuck in the bottle. They have been in there, mixing and reacting with each other so much that one can no longer tell what is in there and if the stuff can kill. So here I am, having spent some time to sort through them, applying it through a gradient centrifuge, PCR and the lot. Not surprisingly, a whole chunk of it was contaminated by the highly volatile component called grief, some shots of anger, a small portion of apathy and boredom, a virtually undetectable amount of happiness and that ever present minute amount of hope.

Ok, first up. Let us get one thing clear: this is not going to go the "emo" route (not that I want any of my posts to go that way anyway). Next, note the reserved rights I hold for my writing (so play nice and be fair). These logs are offering you a window into my world. The least you could do is not abuse this privilege.

Now it's easy to just chuck the grief away and deal with the rest right? Sorry. That's not the way I do things. We all know where it comes from. Being shunned, getting spiteful vibes and generally treated like an outcast. You'll be seeing me in a hazmat suit quite often. That stuff makes nuclear waste seem like a pile of dog poo, that's how difficult it is to deal with and I don't want the IAEA breathing down my neck for illegal disposal of such hazardous material. Just have to deal with the slow decay through it's eccentric half-life.

The anger component generally comes from the everyday frustrations, from work (imbeciles...) , commuting to and from work (bloody imbeciles...) and irritating people around me (you'll be surprised at how many there are). Pretty explosive component but it evaporates naturally with time so no worries over that.

The apathy and boredom you can understand when you just don't feel like doing, thinking or feeling anything at all (I could use more of that apathy). Now, one wonders where I got things right to have captured that minute amount of happiness? Thinking hard, I suppose it's when the stuff you've ordered arrived, finding something extraordinary in what seemed like a pile of debris, talking to someone you haven't talked to for a while...

Now, hope. So inert and pure, just like gold. Precious and incorruptible. Though the amount is small, I cannot seem to find any means to increase it's mass nor find the heart to lose it. Looking out there right now, it seems like everyone could use alot more of it these days. I know I could.

The writer tried visiting the local pawn shop to try to capitalise on the rising ore prices, only to discover that there is neither a market for hope nor a value to it.

Going...going...gone

That's it. The deadline has come and gone. I will not be getting that dream job afterall. I would have done it for the cheap just to be back there again but it seems to me that it's not for me to go back to paradise just yet. Confused? I'm talking about that dream job of lazing around on Hamilton island on the Great Barrier Reef.

This is not the first time I've let go of a chance to fufil a dream. That number will continue to increase due to the pressures of reality and the increasingly evident lack of ability to make it to that level. I guess that's why they call it "reality bites". Except that it doesn't just bite you, reality chews you up really badly, spit you out and then proceeds to squash you into the dirt.

I know I sound too cynical, I've also been told that some of my earlier posts seem too "emo". Evidently my stab at humour wasn't that obvious or maybe I've just lost that edge too. I could do with a holiday right now, just to get away from it all. Yeah, I know at least someone who'll say just do it and stop thinking of the consequences. I may be desperate but I still retain some hint of reason not to splash the cash. Just because I have no current commitments doesn't mean I should. And yes, I'd agree with your (deliberately) dismissive remark that it is my choice, though not a very favourable one but the most logical one at this point in time.

Besides, I am already "overseas" 5 days a week.... :)

The writer wishes to suggest that the reader try not to take what is written here too seriously. The writer also wishes to express his gratitude for the readers' concern. For if the reader doesn't care for the writer, why is the reader even reading this at all?

Surprise!!!

When it comes to surprises, there are two differing camps. One will love to be surprised, especially for special occassions. The other, well... simply hate them.

The ones who wants to be surprised usually feel they have been deserving of a good turn (maybe more than just one) and would love to have a pleasant surprise as a "reward" for being good, even though they've been half expecting it. Come to think of it, who won't love to have a pleasant surprise?

Now the next group comes into the picture. Those who hate being surprised. They comprise of the elderly, grouchy people and some others. The old people have weak hearts as their excuse (won't want the poor folks to die of cardiac arrest while in the midst of celebration do we?) and grouchy people aren't in the mood for anything all the time (surprising these people tend to have the opposite effect intended).

What of these "others' then? Psychologically, these people hate being surprised because it makes them feel a loss of control. They have a need to be in control of almost every aspects of their life and hence, a sense of helplessness when being caught with their pants down (well, not literally of course).

Just as to where I stand among the two groups? Well, for one I never fail to surprise people who think they know me well enough (that's just my eccentric part showing). I've always tried my best to spring surprises (mostly pleasant ones I hope) but I admit, I hate being surprised. Granted, some of those that were dropped on me were pleasant ones but majority have not left a sweet aftertaste. I also hate to be left in the dark over something that is suppose to involve me (hopefully thats not why I went into intelligence...). All in all, it just leaves me unprepared for what was to come and I hate being caught with my pants down.

Now, which camp do you belong to? Maybe I'll spring one on you.

Oh, and Many Happy Returns Birthday Girl.

The writer is currently preparing something. Hush hush....

Evolution of Love

First up. Happy belated Birthday Charlie! This year we celebrate your 2nd centennial and your contributions to science is as monumental as ever. Evolution shook the very foundations of a human-centric world preached by those religious fools and brought humans down to earth as opposed to 2nd only to God. The name Darwin ranks among those held in the highest of esteem alongside other great men like Sir Isaac Newton, Carl Linneaus, Albert Einstein, just to name a few.

On the eve of a special but increasingly commercialised day, I stand before you, guilty as charged, for being single AND alone on St Valentine's day. Not that it makes much of a big hoo-ha. I mean, it's been like this for so many years now and I've only managed to scrap through maybe one or two years with someone. It's starting to annoy me when friends start asking if I have plans for tomorrow when I never really intended to have any. It makes it seem like a crime not to ask that special someone out. Ok, maybe it wasn't so obvious to them that I have no plans but I think the cold stares I shot them got the message across somehow.

Usually I suck at dating. I seldom see the same girl more than once. In fact, I haven't met a new face twice before. Goodness knows why and I'm pretty sure its not me. Ok ok, so it might be me... alright alright, so it was me. Happy? I already said I suck right? Besides, my omikuji friend here (yes, it is the green blob in this screen) have been giving me plenty of kyōs (bad luck warnings) lately. Some things just dun go your way, period.

Ah well, saves me the trouble of having to book in advance the roses, join the snaking line for that oh-so-delicious (I wun know, I've never tried them but hey, a line aways means it's good) chocolates or try and get a table for 2 at that nice restaurant.

So I'll tell you what. If you have a date and you bump into me strolling down Orchard road alone. Do me a favour. Just ignore me and move along. I promise I wun run up to you and beat the crap out of you. Just let me be, before my aura of apathy threatens to consume you. But of course, if any of you girls out there need a date, I'll be happy to oblige. On a budget of course. Hey, dun look at me like that. The rules are different if you ask me out.

Cheers and have a Happy Valentines Day. I mean everyone of you, single or erm, irritating.

The writer is currently patiently waiting for his membership in SDU (or the newly instituted SDU-SDS) to expire. No point in having guys with no class lower your level with their desperate ways of trying to impress the girls. Yeah, the huge influx of SDS guys really have no class.

Trying to fail, and failing miserably

Self control is the ability to stop yourself from hitting the enter button. Just like not purchasing that cute little bag from that online store, accidentally sending out that email with compromising photos to everyone in the office, saying "yes" when the computer asks if you want to format your hard disk out of sheer frustration, sending out that message you know you should not be sending...

Sometimes it just creates the illusion of things moving along if you hit enter, because you can feel things moving in any direction instead of standing still. Not that its a bad thing because there is a one-in-three hundred and sixty chance things are going in the right direction (don't even get me started on the mils system).

Standing still can be unbearable at times but if you think about it, it offers you a better sense of direction and assess where you just came from and where you want to go. Take stock of what you still have, consider about cutting your losses, gain valuable lessons from what you lost. Unfortunately, not many of us have this luxury with piles of work, project deadlines and what-have-you. More often than not, majority of us tend to go in the wrong direction in the bid to keep things moving along. Having said that, what has that got to do with the title itself?

Think about it and let me know what you think it means :)

The writer wishes to express that this entry has nothing to do with his current state of mind (well, maybe just the cryptic part). He just needs to find the small comfort from his mundane life in writing, no matter how nonsensical it appears. (damn straight. I'm firing him if he does that again ~ Ed.)

Into the shadows

The first solar eclipse of the year and it just happens to fall on lunar new year's day. This was suppose to be an annular eclipse, meaning the moon is at a further distance from the Earth and will appear smaller and not cover the entire surface of the sun (duh).

However, it is unfortunate that the umbral shadow does not land near me (damn) but I guess with 80% of cover, its better than nothing. So there I was with my good friend 5th Halo as we set up shop at an open field near his place. Why his place you ask? He's the one with the DSLR camera with the zoom lens. I know, shame on me. It was quite deserted so I guess either everyone doesn't give a damn about this phenomenon or everyone who did probably made their way down to cluster-f**k at the Singapore Science Centre (No offence, astro guys. I know you guys were doing your best to educate the groupies. I just hate crowds)

At roughly 1630hrs (local time), we spotted the first contact as the moon slowly moved in to blot out the sun. Its not very obvious to the untrained eye so leave it to us "old hands" who, even with age (okok, we're not THAT old) and bespectacled, managed to catch the tiny sliver of the shadow creeping in. By the way, that honor goes to 5th Halo, by virtue that he managed to hog the camera at the right time.

After about half an hour, the surrounding light appeared significantly dimmer although again it may appear to be the effect of the clouds. But we know better. By then it was pretty obvious that the moon is significantly smaller than the surface of the sun.

Finally, mid-eclipse approached and the clouds are starting to threaten. Not rain but as sun block. However, we still managed to squeeze off a few decent shots even though the cirrus clouds hovering across the view threatened to blur the images. Thank goodness for exposure settings. I managed to get a good shot of the maximum cover just before the clouds came in and like a night club bouncer, threw us out of the show. It was disappointing but we closed shop just a little after that. We never got to see the sun again for the rest of the day.

Please take note, all shots are made at 250mm focal length on various exposures. And most importantly, with an improvised solar filter. Won't want to fry the optics and the eyes.

The shot in green is actually captured using a normal Digital camera with a piece of welder's glass held in front of the lens, shortly after first contact.

Stars

The stars shining in the heavens. They seem close to each other but they're actually very far apart. Just the same the things you see aren't always real. How hard must I try in order to understand the unseen truth? How far is the distance between the two of us? I want to understand you because I don't understand you. I want to understand because I like you. I reach out my hand so I can gradually get closer. You, my last line and final salvation...

Best Job in the World

Endurance. It's a mind game. You go further when you block out the pain and faster with every gush of adrenaline. But as everything in this fragile human body, the limits of the mind are not boundless.

Sometimes, I just hate the type of work I have to go through day in day out. Thankless, unappreciated and unrecognised work. So far I've managed to smoke my way along, eking out a survival route somehow. Now that the Government of Queensland has came up with this "Best Job in the World" position, I really feel like going for it.

Why? For one, it offers me the chance to go back to one of the most beautiful places in the world. The pay is exceptionally high (I dun think I'll get to see that sum of money in the near future even with maximum scrounging) and it is a chance to get a break one can always make do with.

Why not? I'm probably up against pretty much the rest of the world (duh). I'm too lazy to get down to making a short clip for submission. I'm not so much a PR person, neither do I think I best qualify for the job. My luck is pretty much non-existent (in spite of my omikuji widget telling me otherwise. Yeah, that green blob swaying around) so given the odds are far behind the odds of striking a lottery, I think its a safer bet to go for the lottery.

As you can see, the odds are pretty much against me (sounds familiar, no?). What do you guys think? To go or not to go?

The writer is starting to plan for some holidaying. Anyone has any good places to recommend?

Wretched Fool

It was, to a certain extent, a really rotten weekend and though I'm not glad to be back at work, at least something to do that takes my mind off my troubles.

I'm not one who hides my feelings very well. People usually can tell if I'm not in a good mood although I am trying to change that. I can joke and laugh as per normal despite all the worries inside but occassionally, I still lapse into a silence that just borders on withdrawal. It's like an on-off thing that I can hardly control.

Speaking of which, I haven't had a shave since Christmas Eve. I look more and more like a wretch with each passing day (At least it takes the stares away from my opened fly). Sometimes I try to do what others do, think happy thoughts. Doesn't work. Cause my only happy thoughts are with her. Oh, the frustrations....

There's the songs I listen to. Most of them are uplifting. They should help lift the mood. Crap. The songs actually remind me of her! Argh! But wait, there's the song that I've adopted as my theme song! 笨小孩 (literally translated as "stupid kid"). The more you listen to it, the more it sounded like myself (apart from the timeline of course, I wasn't born in the 60s). So much so I just end up singing along to it on my way down from the office, with no one around cause I suck at singing anyway.

So yeah, this poor fool will for the time being be a little more happy and go with the flow. Even if he knows the game is all but lost, there's no point worrying about that at this point in time. All he can do is continue to hope his days and his luck will turn for the better.

The writer just had his first shave of the year (and first cut, stupid razor). He has turned fom looking like a wretch to (gasp!) still looking like a wretch. Anyone wanna drag him to the karaoke? He's not paying of course.

The better part of me is gone. R.I.P.

To my Angel, you shouldn't be reading this column anymore. I mean it.

Dear friends, I regret to inform you about the untimely demise of a good friend of yours. A large part of me. Despite keeping it on life support for as long as I can, the plug was suddenly pulled out with a swift single stroke.

The pain gave way to sorrow and then rage. To be ignored and rejected simply for sticking around, for doing my best, for being there for you, for reminding you of that incompetant boy.... Yes, I've undertook the risks fully aware of the potentially enormous loss. Yes, the only way to pull the plug was to crush me completely but this reason was something that was too hard to accept. It felt worse than a slap on the face. The physical pain will heal quickly but the dead can never be revived. To know that all my efforts were not comparable to even his crap or whatever unsavoury he can dish out.

Stop dishing out advice of looking at the forest instead of this one tree. It's hypocritical that you chose not to follow your own advice. Especially so when the tree you're eyeing is already dying or dead. (The fact that he comes from a well-to-do family simply irks me even more, after selling my soul and working my ass off and still knowing that I can never top him) Where do you draw the line when there are always something better out there? Perhaps that's why affairs and divorces are becoming more common at this age.

If you're still reading, don't blame me for what I'm about to write.

You are a hopeless, stubborn and ridiculously short-sighted cow. You cannot reciprocate my feelings simply because you still held out, hoping that worthless dickhead will come back. How then can you even suggest that you can reciprocate the feelings of someone else who comes along when you finally do move on? After all that has happened, everything will be lumped together and discarded just simply because I was there for you but it's still at the wrong time?

This was the straw that broke me. I can't help but feel the rage that that moron is indirectly robbing me of my pursuit of happiness. It's so ellusive that even when I found it, I can't get it. You can't have your cake and eat it too. It makes me sick to think that I've unwittingly been burning all the bridges behind me.

I can no longer see others the way I did before. All because you had been a catalyst for change and, like it or not, you've raised the standard. Even after breaking off contact for that period of time, I might have dated but I can never find someone who can really take your place inside my heart. I cannot find anyone who's even remotely near the standard you've set. I had an escape in the form of National Service during the last "recession", there's no where for me to turn to this time. That is why you are probably my end game. My last stop.

I am the Angel with only one wing. I am one that is flawed, unable to be like the others soaring happily in the skies. Like the scruffy dog wondering the streets. I don't really know what hurts more, the fire burning in my stomach, the knife that's piercing my heart, the acid that's burning my eyes or the pain of losing myself...

The writer's views expressed are his own. This board is his hole in the ground. His resolution for the year has already been broken after only 9 days and is currently in an unforgiving mood. Welcome to the Great Depression.