I'm only human

I am not a perfect being. I have flaws, issues, emotions and, to a lesser extent, sudden outbursts.

To what I know of myself so far, my greatest flaws has always been my jealousy. As of now I still have yet to fully curb nor completely control it, but I have been able to keep it wrapped up behind a stone wall. It is not something I am proud of as it sometimes do get the better of me.

Then, there have been times when I open up and let slip some comment that was probably inappropriate. This has led to several uncomfortable moments before and it never felt good at all, even if the other party brushes it off. Times like this make me want to clamp up and withdraw back to the shell for fear of making matters worse than they already are but I know that by doing that, things will still get worse. What a choice between a rock and hard place.

Perhaps I should take it easy from now on instead of being too hard on myself. Afterall, friction is part and parcel in everyday life and it shouldn't grind things down to a halt. I have always believed that communications make a well-oiled machine so I feel strongly about talking things out to sort out the issues. I'm not Mr Perfect or Superman. I'm just a normal human being who's trying his best to make his special someone feel just that. Special.

The writer has no wish to argue or provoke a sustained tension. He may appear to be a pacifist but he really doesn't like to lose control over himself or show his fighting side.

Happy Birthday Girl

Even though I have the excuse to lump it together with Valentine's, I opted to take the opportunity to remind you how much you mean to me.

Due to the tight schedule, I was only able to scoot down to grab a box of your favourite Royces' chocolates in order to meet up at the designated time, so as not to ruin the surprise. Sorry if the chocolates and the ensuing ice cream treat was not up to expectations (coz Tiffany's is just too unrealistic right now :p)

Anyway, many happy returns. :)

Taking flight

Dear all, the past two years of this series of entries have been a tumultous time, from having to deal with the pain of loss to finding happiness in simple things in live.

For me personally, it was already rock bottom with the passing of my beloved Mother but I went underground when I voluntarily exiled myself from the love of my life. It was a painful period to deal with but writing brought a little solace during those dark times, hoping for the words to get through to her somehow.

From there on, I managed to painfully dig myself out from the rut and started moving along again. It was somewhat of a surprise when my Angel came back to me again out of the blue. It wasn't all starry-eyed as we were both wary of each other and we came together on a cautious note. Perhaps not exactly the best of starts but by treating her as I've always meant to broke the wall between us, to the extent of giving her toothaches for being "too sweet".

So here we are at last, side by side, holding hands. And flying together like there's no tomorrow.

The writer is relieved to have his better half by his side at last. He also wishes to thank everyone who's been reading his entries, especially those who have supported him all this while.

Beware of the Leadershit

Leaders are people who lead. Often through showing exemplary acts or making good decisions for the group or organisation to move forward towards their objectives (Are you referring to me? - Ed)

Regular change in top management is good in that it allows for fresh blood and new ideas, and a way for the middle and junior management to move up. But sometimes, change is not for the better as one often hopes for (This is starting to sound like an Obama critique - Ed).

It's been more than a month from the incident and we're still dealing with the fall-out that arose from it. It is now that our "enthusiasm" for the new management becomes strained and, I dare say, degenerated into discontent and even contemptuous. Reason being that instead of observing and correcting the rot, we have been continuously tasked to paper over the cracks and put up a grand show to say that all is well in the organisation.

Yes, so all is good here. Nothing to fix within so now we're suppose to fix elsewhere. So now we're expected to be holding the hands of industry players who come in purely for profit and not keen to contribute to the industry? It is a well-known fact that agriculture is a risky venture at the mercy of economic and natural factors so when something goes wrong, we're responsible for it? And why are we going to have to be responsible for incompetant businessmen out to make a quick buck when they clearly know nuts about this industry? I don't recall getting a share of the profits when the going was good for them.

It can be so frustrating when senior management goes along with it, wanting to appear generous (whatever). Maybe you can't blame the rookie Chief since the chief is new and more or less knows nuts about our work anyway. Maybe we shouldn't be blaming the in-coming cronies who know nuts about this as well. As long as we all do our bit to put up a good show for the public, they get their obscene pay raise. Guess who's stuck with all the dirty work?

The writer is not a fan of idiots, nor is he tolerant of stupidity. Throw in incompetance to see his reaction.

Leaving the forest for one tree

Updates and entries have slowed down quite a bit recently haven't it? (No, it's not as if we're paying you to slack your time away. -Ed) Everything has been well and good, saved for a few more white hair coming into existence... (it's called aging. - Ed)

I have read with interest several poor souls out there who suffered the same relationship problems I had, falling for someone they shouldn't have. The typical love-triangles or secret admirers gig in regular soaps or dramas. Though I can't say the end results will all be the same, I find the disparaging remarks by many commentors hard to swallow.

Granted there have been a fair amount of positive advice and encouragement for the poor guys (yeah, appears that guys suffer from this more often). However, the general advice of the crowd appears to keep away from such relationships for fear of ending up hurt. I can attest to the hurt part, especially so when you know there isn't much hope. I am however left peeved by the most (over-rated) analogies many people love to use.

"Why give up the entire forest for just one tree?" or "The ocean is full of fish"

Has it occurred to you simpletons that love is one of the most powerful emotions in our mind? I think the only other one should be rage. Why powerful? Try thinking straight when you're under the influence of these two emotions.

Rather than try to possess the entire forest or consume all the ocean's fish, I'm content with finding my tree or fish. One that I'd enjoy tending to everyday, instead of wandering around aimlessly. What good is an entire forest that you can't focus on all the trees and they eventually die away, leaving you with nothing in the end. Being a simple guy, I'd prefer to find my tree to nurture and tend to. So for all you guys out there who share this dilemma, go forth and pursue your dreams. You might just have your dreams realised.

The writer is currently still wearing that silly grin on his face. Time to give him a whack on the head - Ed