Going...going...gone

That's it. The deadline has come and gone. I will not be getting that dream job afterall. I would have done it for the cheap just to be back there again but it seems to me that it's not for me to go back to paradise just yet. Confused? I'm talking about that dream job of lazing around on Hamilton island on the Great Barrier Reef.

This is not the first time I've let go of a chance to fufil a dream. That number will continue to increase due to the pressures of reality and the increasingly evident lack of ability to make it to that level. I guess that's why they call it "reality bites". Except that it doesn't just bite you, reality chews you up really badly, spit you out and then proceeds to squash you into the dirt.

I know I sound too cynical, I've also been told that some of my earlier posts seem too "emo". Evidently my stab at humour wasn't that obvious or maybe I've just lost that edge too. I could do with a holiday right now, just to get away from it all. Yeah, I know at least someone who'll say just do it and stop thinking of the consequences. I may be desperate but I still retain some hint of reason not to splash the cash. Just because I have no current commitments doesn't mean I should. And yes, I'd agree with your (deliberately) dismissive remark that it is my choice, though not a very favourable one but the most logical one at this point in time.

Besides, I am already "overseas" 5 days a week.... :)

The writer wishes to suggest that the reader try not to take what is written here too seriously. The writer also wishes to express his gratitude for the readers' concern. For if the reader doesn't care for the writer, why is the reader even reading this at all?

Surprise!!!

When it comes to surprises, there are two differing camps. One will love to be surprised, especially for special occassions. The other, well... simply hate them.

The ones who wants to be surprised usually feel they have been deserving of a good turn (maybe more than just one) and would love to have a pleasant surprise as a "reward" for being good, even though they've been half expecting it. Come to think of it, who won't love to have a pleasant surprise?

Now the next group comes into the picture. Those who hate being surprised. They comprise of the elderly, grouchy people and some others. The old people have weak hearts as their excuse (won't want the poor folks to die of cardiac arrest while in the midst of celebration do we?) and grouchy people aren't in the mood for anything all the time (surprising these people tend to have the opposite effect intended).

What of these "others' then? Psychologically, these people hate being surprised because it makes them feel a loss of control. They have a need to be in control of almost every aspects of their life and hence, a sense of helplessness when being caught with their pants down (well, not literally of course).

Just as to where I stand among the two groups? Well, for one I never fail to surprise people who think they know me well enough (that's just my eccentric part showing). I've always tried my best to spring surprises (mostly pleasant ones I hope) but I admit, I hate being surprised. Granted, some of those that were dropped on me were pleasant ones but majority have not left a sweet aftertaste. I also hate to be left in the dark over something that is suppose to involve me (hopefully thats not why I went into intelligence...). All in all, it just leaves me unprepared for what was to come and I hate being caught with my pants down.

Now, which camp do you belong to? Maybe I'll spring one on you.

Oh, and Many Happy Returns Birthday Girl.

The writer is currently preparing something. Hush hush....

Evolution of Love

First up. Happy belated Birthday Charlie! This year we celebrate your 2nd centennial and your contributions to science is as monumental as ever. Evolution shook the very foundations of a human-centric world preached by those religious fools and brought humans down to earth as opposed to 2nd only to God. The name Darwin ranks among those held in the highest of esteem alongside other great men like Sir Isaac Newton, Carl Linneaus, Albert Einstein, just to name a few.

On the eve of a special but increasingly commercialised day, I stand before you, guilty as charged, for being single AND alone on St Valentine's day. Not that it makes much of a big hoo-ha. I mean, it's been like this for so many years now and I've only managed to scrap through maybe one or two years with someone. It's starting to annoy me when friends start asking if I have plans for tomorrow when I never really intended to have any. It makes it seem like a crime not to ask that special someone out. Ok, maybe it wasn't so obvious to them that I have no plans but I think the cold stares I shot them got the message across somehow.

Usually I suck at dating. I seldom see the same girl more than once. In fact, I haven't met a new face twice before. Goodness knows why and I'm pretty sure its not me. Ok ok, so it might be me... alright alright, so it was me. Happy? I already said I suck right? Besides, my omikuji friend here (yes, it is the green blob in this screen) have been giving me plenty of kyōs (bad luck warnings) lately. Some things just dun go your way, period.

Ah well, saves me the trouble of having to book in advance the roses, join the snaking line for that oh-so-delicious (I wun know, I've never tried them but hey, a line aways means it's good) chocolates or try and get a table for 2 at that nice restaurant.

So I'll tell you what. If you have a date and you bump into me strolling down Orchard road alone. Do me a favour. Just ignore me and move along. I promise I wun run up to you and beat the crap out of you. Just let me be, before my aura of apathy threatens to consume you. But of course, if any of you girls out there need a date, I'll be happy to oblige. On a budget of course. Hey, dun look at me like that. The rules are different if you ask me out.

Cheers and have a Happy Valentines Day. I mean everyone of you, single or erm, irritating.

The writer is currently patiently waiting for his membership in SDU (or the newly instituted SDU-SDS) to expire. No point in having guys with no class lower your level with their desperate ways of trying to impress the girls. Yeah, the huge influx of SDS guys really have no class.

Trying to fail, and failing miserably

Self control is the ability to stop yourself from hitting the enter button. Just like not purchasing that cute little bag from that online store, accidentally sending out that email with compromising photos to everyone in the office, saying "yes" when the computer asks if you want to format your hard disk out of sheer frustration, sending out that message you know you should not be sending...

Sometimes it just creates the illusion of things moving along if you hit enter, because you can feel things moving in any direction instead of standing still. Not that its a bad thing because there is a one-in-three hundred and sixty chance things are going in the right direction (don't even get me started on the mils system).

Standing still can be unbearable at times but if you think about it, it offers you a better sense of direction and assess where you just came from and where you want to go. Take stock of what you still have, consider about cutting your losses, gain valuable lessons from what you lost. Unfortunately, not many of us have this luxury with piles of work, project deadlines and what-have-you. More often than not, majority of us tend to go in the wrong direction in the bid to keep things moving along. Having said that, what has that got to do with the title itself?

Think about it and let me know what you think it means :)

The writer wishes to express that this entry has nothing to do with his current state of mind (well, maybe just the cryptic part). He just needs to find the small comfort from his mundane life in writing, no matter how nonsensical it appears. (damn straight. I'm firing him if he does that again ~ Ed.)