Ode to my Mother

I know you can no longer hear what I have to say, nor read what I write but I still will write this anyway. Ever since that dark drizzling night I have always felt the deep regrets of not having said what I needed to say.

The others are bound to start labelling me as mummy's boy but I know otherwise. What do they know about the loss of someone who has been a constant pillar of strength and support? How many of them have lost someone dearest to them, forever?

I hope you have gone in peace, free from the torture and burden of leaving us behind. All of us are more or less grown up by now and living fairly independent lives. We know we have caused you much grief throughout our lives and we hope you forgive us. I personally know I had not been up to your expectations since going from the top of the class to middle of the class mediocrity, culminating in the extreme disappointment of that certain period during secondary school.

Since that day, I had picked myself up and started climbing again. Although I could never climb to the level most parents would have wanted their kids, it was the way which I chose to go and I know you have always been supportive of that. I have always been grateful for your presence during the depressing periods I had to endure throughout my polytechnic and army years. It may not be much but having you and father pin on my epaulets was one of the proudest and happiest moments of my life. Close to that would be having our family photo taken during my graduation. In these two milestones of my life, I hope I had redeemed myself somewhat and done you proud.

Although I often accuse you of favouritism towards my younger siblings, I know you take the effort for me too. I will never forget how, when I mentioned about the torturous smell of curry making us hungry during our long march exercise in near starvation conditions, you proceeded to cook curry for me when I booked out that weekend. It was heavenly.

The moment I saw you lying in the ICU, I broke down abruptly. I had never realised how much you meant to me till then but we all know that it's usually too little too late. When you finally left, it was a crushing blow to all of us, most of all for dad. It hurts to see him retain his composure for our sake, it hurts even more to see the parting tears in your eyes and having all these words bottled up inside with no longer any avenues for them to be heard.

You have never celebrated Mother's day because you don't believe in such a day but "Happy Mother's Day" nontheless. It is with deep regrets that I have never done much for you but I want you to know that I have always loved you. To the Greatest Mother of all. One who have given us so much.

The writer wishes all mums a Happy Mother's Day.