To my Angel, you shouldn't be reading this column anymore. I mean it.
Dear friends, I regret to inform you about the untimely demise of a good friend of yours. A large part of me. Despite keeping it on life support for as long as I can, the plug was suddenly pulled out with a swift single stroke.
The pain gave way to sorrow and then rage. To be ignored and rejected simply for sticking around, for doing my best, for being there for you, for reminding you of that incompetant boy.... Yes, I've undertook the risks fully aware of the potentially enormous loss. Yes, the only way to pull the plug was to crush me completely but this reason was something that was too hard to accept. It felt worse than a slap on the face. The physical pain will heal quickly but the dead can never be revived. To know that all my efforts were not comparable to even his crap or whatever unsavoury he can dish out.
Stop dishing out advice of looking at the forest instead of this one tree. It's hypocritical that you chose not to follow your own advice. Especially so when the tree you're eyeing is already dying or dead. (The fact that he comes from a well-to-do family simply irks me even more, after selling my soul and working my ass off and still knowing that I can never top him) Where do you draw the line when there are always something better out there? Perhaps that's why affairs and divorces are becoming more common at this age.
If you're still reading, don't blame me for what I'm about to write.
You are a hopeless, stubborn and ridiculously short-sighted cow. You cannot reciprocate my feelings simply because you still held out, hoping that worthless dickhead will come back. How then can you even suggest that you can reciprocate the feelings of someone else who comes along when you finally do move on? After all that has happened, everything will be lumped together and discarded just simply because I was there for you but it's still at the wrong time?
This was the straw that broke me. I can't help but feel the rage that that moron is indirectly robbing me of my pursuit of happiness. It's so ellusive that even when I found it, I can't get it. You can't have your cake and eat it too. It makes me sick to think that I've unwittingly been burning all the bridges behind me.
I can no longer see others the way I did before. All because you had been a catalyst for change and, like it or not, you've raised the standard. Even after breaking off contact for that period of time, I might have dated but I can never find someone who can really take your place inside my heart. I cannot find anyone who's even remotely near the standard you've set. I had an escape in the form of National Service during the last "recession", there's no where for me to turn to this time. That is why you are probably my end game. My last stop.
I am the Angel with only one wing. I am one that is flawed, unable to be like the others soaring happily in the skies. Like the scruffy dog wondering the streets. I don't really know what hurts more, the fire burning in my stomach, the knife that's piercing my heart, the acid that's burning my eyes or the pain of losing myself...
The writer's views expressed are his own. This board is his hole in the ground. His resolution for the year has already been broken after only 9 days and is currently in an unforgiving mood. Welcome to the Great Depression.
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