Moving out of the comfort zone

The deed is done. I have finally carried out what I've been threatening to do for the past few years.

I have quit my job.

The usual flurry of questions start coming next. Have I found a job? What am I going to do next?

I, for one, am tempted to give the middle finger and say that's non of your forkin' bidness. But I will be civil.

Firstly, the reason why I left is I want to find time to do what I want to do instead of having to entertain the whims of my workaholic bosses, who sometimes can ask for information at the wierdest times.

Secondly, the insane amount of effort to rationalise and justify admin procedures is just too much. Finance Department is simply too scared of the AGC to employ their last ounces (if any) of common sense they have.

Lastly, I need to regain my sanity.

The feeling of insecurity does creep in. The job hunt had started way before but it would appear that the job market is going to be a challenge. As always, we keep plugging on and explore the avenues available.

I could use the break to rejuvenate myself and spend more time with my son. :)

If anyone has a job to offer, let's hear it.

Regrets

Everyone has them. From never being able to meet someone to not being able to find time to bring their parents to visit Universal Studios..... (wait, what?)

 

This somewhat notorious question sometimes slip through carefully prepared interview questions and can somehow make or break the carefully crafted persona/facade one has spent so much time on. Fortunately, I have yet to encounter this but I feel the urge to put it in writing due to recent events.

 

The passing of Leonard Nimoy brought an end to the crew of the original Enterprise (NCC-1701) save for the Captain and the Comms Lieutenant (last surviving crew members). It also highlighted how fast time has flown past.

 

Regrets are something you cannot prevent unless you have had prior knowledge but even then, it may not be entirely possible to avoid. In my case, it was the inability to have my mother present to witness the next phase of my life and for her to be the grandmother she would probably have been looking forward to being.

 

The only relief or solace I find in this regret is that she was there to witness my graduation from University and for me to bring her on a trip to the Gold Coast. Like everyone, I have always took it for granted and loss of her support and encouragement after her passing was devastating. For a period, I contemplated resigning from my position as I fought to cope with the loss.

Fast forward to the present, my current position has become more and more unbearable as relationship with my supervisor has reached breaking point. From an outsider point of view, many would have just soldiered on due to the stability and the nice pay cheque. I would like to differ. Money is useless when family relations are jeopardised. Broken family ties cannot be mended, and the time required for work has been siphoned away from my family, especially from my son. This was a mistake (I felt) that my father made but his situation had been different and it was out of neccessity. I am not willing to make that same mistake.

Cue the routine job applications and interviews. Imagine the horror of sending multiple applications with limited success. You would have imagined that having many years of work experience in a managerial capacity with ability to carry out "fire-fighting" work over weekends would have been a selling point. Ultimately, it boils down to compensation. Will it kill to ask for less? Probably not. That's exactly what I did, taking a chunky pay cut in my applications but I doubt it worked much as most employers probably want to pay me much less, to the tune of a fresh grad's starting pay (not the expected one). Sorry mate, no can do. I've got bills to pay and a family to support. This is the world's most costly country to live in, not some backward country that export their jobless people out as cheap labour.

Big regret. Have wasted nine years on the wrong organisation and having not much leeway to move to another. Hopefully will have the intervention of Lady Luck soon.

The writer does enjoy the fact that he can put his job description as "Mad Scientist" and will probably miss that very soon.

Change

The only thing that is constant is change.

A lot of it have taken place since my last post. Some of good and bad, majority good though. I've experienced the joys and frustrations of being a father. The exhiliration and hassles of moving into a place of your own. The insane amount of money for bills....

Truth be told, I have no love for the blogging scene because I like my privacy. I also have a strong disdain for the so-called "influencers" (I refer to them as leeches) who blog for a living. Why leeches? Because like leeches they feed off the hard work of others and the only effort they put in is akin to the minimal effort of leeches latching onto their hosts. That aside, this post is not about them.

This is about casting off the cloak of procastination and start putting my thoughts into something readable. Maybe not by anyone in particular but it certainly brings up some chuckles when I come back to read through my posts of yesteryears and observe my own progress.

Some things don't really change much actually. I still remain a cynic, though still learning the ropes of satire.

And the Winner is....

Months of inactivity and generally keeping busy with the better half. Though the thought of going back for In-Camp Training right after the Chinese New Year holidays wasn't all that appealing, much less going back for the much dreaded Stage 2 evaluation.

I had rushed to finish and hand over what work I had prior to that (I at least want my short holiday to be undisturbed) and the buildup to the exercise wasn't as smooth as one would like it to be. It was afterall, a 3-week affair.

Granted, the first week was kinda slack as we brushed up on the planning and SOPs. And then a quick pep-talk by our out-going Div Comd. Interesting conversation though:

Div Com: So, which is the best company?

(A, B, C OCs all quiet)

Div Com: No one wants to answer? Where's the Scouts?

Me (Scout PC): [Hong gan....] Sir, Scouts are the best! (What else you expect me to say?)

Div Com: Really? Good to hear that because I agree you have to be the best in order to serve the rest of the Battalion well. So let's do this one more time, which is the best company? (Think half expecting all the OCs to take my lead and claim the title)

B OC: Sir, I think all of us are quite equal. Have to remain humble (smile)

Div Com: Good. I agree humility is good but I also want you to have confidence in your own men. So C, which company do you think is the best?

(My OC Support company slides up to empty chair beside me hiding behind the other staff officers)

OC Support: Support Company!

(Everyone laughs)

We went on and slugged it out for the evaluation, us scouts having to move out an extra 24hours ahead and losing more of our blood to the jungle commandos. It was sheer torture having to bash through the vegetation and struggling to find a way through the swampy areas. I almost gave up during the first night from exhaustion after being on the move for 4 hours straight and carrying too much weight I believe. In the end, we managed to get a fairly high rating for our efforts. Two of the scout teams managed to earn a name for themselves by adopting an aggressive posture instead of retreating when encountering an enemy OP (but sadly, they both got "KIAed" and I think we lost some points on that) but clearly our CO was quite impressed and approved of the teams' spirit.

Coincidentally, our Battalion was named the best NS Infantry Battalion of the Division for the previous work year, taking over from the "retiring" Battalion. Not a bad experience though. Not bad at all.

The writer is still recovering from the many bites and scars from that traumatic 3 weeks.

How the Internet Started

How the Internet started

A revelation with an Incredibly Big Message (IBM):

Well, you might have thought that you knew how the Internet started, but here's the TRUE story ....

In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.

And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband: "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

And Abraham did look at her - as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said: "How, dear?"

And Dot replied: "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price.

And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was called Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP)

But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham's drum and began to siphon off some of Abraham's business. But he was soon discovered, arrested and prosecuted - for insider trading.

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung.

They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land.

And indeed did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say: "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."

And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known. He said: "We need a name that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied: "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

And that is how it all began.

Truuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuly!!!

Turning the page

Dear friends,

If I still have many of you left, that is. Today marks the last page of a chapter in this not-so-awesome story. I doubt the suspense and drama has killed you yet nor left you begging for more so I'll cut it short. Another story is about to begin.

Stay tuned.

OPEN LETTER COFFEE SHOP TALK

Posted by a disgruntled forumner in the online citizen website:

Subject: Dear Prime Minister, tolong please …….
Coffee Shop Talk - Dear Prime Minister, tolong please…

From: ChinChaiOne
28-Apr 12:15

Dear Prime Minister,
We citizens of Singapore urge you to PLEASE MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

We DO NOT NEED your help.

Every time, you mention HELP, we have to run for cover!!!

Help the poor? Raise GST!
Help traffic flow? Up ERP!
Help passenger service? Up Bus fare/MRT fare!
Help us get taxi? Raise taxi fare!
Help us get good government? Raise Minister and Civil servant salary!

Everytime YOU WANT TO HELP, we all PAY FOR IT!!!

THANK YOU THANK YOU…TOLONG LAH, please, we will HELP OURSELVES, no need your help liao.
We DARE NOT ask for help any more!!!

Sir, most honoured sir, I urge you NOT TO HELP Singapore INVEST also!
Everytime your wife invest, we all lose money! Kao liao, kum siah!
Just let us have a dose of bad governance, like recently the Mat Selamat
case, like dat….so far, it is ok,your incompetence, we ACCEPT!

PLEASE DO NOT help us have better security! Wait we all kena PAY FOR IT!!
I believe ALL SINGAPOREANS PREFER NOT TO HAVE CRUTCH MENTALITY!
I think it is ok lah, please just take your salary and enjoy life ok?

Thank you thank you,
I am very chin chai one, any how any how, no need to help oso can one..

The writer wishes to stress that these words are taken piecemeal from a forum and are strictly not his own.

It's all good....for now that is.

Been a long while hasn't it? Busy with some preparative work and other stuff, not to mention I'm back in a furious Gunpla groove aseembling them at near break-neck speed.

The recent months have been quite well actually with stock markets going up (in the process gaining back on some losing stocks and at the same time making small profits), won a small return on the lottery, and finally settling some hair-tearing stuff.

On the work front, things are not going so well though. Seems like I'll be stuck with cowering in fear over every phone call during the Christmas period....

Damn the a**hole weather....

Am I missing something here?

It's been a while. I've been kept occupied and generally felt lazy to do any thinking or writing. That hasn't changed lately but I thought I'd just add an entry for something that irks me.

I have never been much of a morning person, never will be. So it has never been pleasant to wake up to go to work. Storm clouds start brewing whenever the alarm clock sounds off the start of the rat race. A quick washup and playing with the cat muffles some of the rumblings as I head for the door and to the bus stop.

Electrical charges start building up once I step onto the bus. The ubiquitous annoying folks start to appear from every crack in the pavement. As if that's not bad enough, the thunder starts showing when it's time to board the train. From the queue-cutters to the "road blocks" to "sleeping beauties" that magically fall asleep whenever someone in need of a seat boards the train. And then there are the "scholars", people who insist of flipping and reading their newspapers even when everyone's crushed up in the trains.

Seriously, the civic level of the people in this small red dot has sunk to a pathetic low. I doubt it's ever going to rise to see the light of day again going by the liberal immigration policy of importing boorish "foreign talents" and the government encouraging the kiasu attitude that breeds selfishness.

Woe, woe. Doom is upon us. I'm packing my bags....

The writer detests the state of public transport and views it as a collaboration by private enterprises and the government to hood-wink the populance as "world-class". He doesn't have a good opinion of the general populance and the government anyway.

FUBAR - It's German

When a bird you have stays silent, do you:

1) threaten to kill it if doesn't sing?
2) make it to sing? or
3) wait for it to sing?

I'm guessing most likely you'll be choosing option 3 but let's face it, how many of us are patient enough to sit quietly and wait for things to happen? How many of us are even certain that things will even happen if we simply sit around? Many often take option 1 (even though they'd claim to take option 3 for this question) through the form of complaints and feedback in hope that the relevant authorities will listen and act on them. Unfortunately, we don't seem to be living in an ideal world.

Is option 2 really feasible? Are you able to take action against a big corporation? If you don't like the way things are run, it's not as if you can waltz in, snap your fingers and make things right. Not when the entire system is so twisted that by the time you're in a position to make a difference, it's just about time for you to retire. (This is of course not applicable to the "bright" young scholars who are propelled to their jobs based on their abilities to swallow and regurgitate piecemeal.)

Come to think of it, if people are empowered, emphasis EMPOWERED, to take action (option 2), will they even need to resort to taking option 1 (complaints)? And if one cannot stand the system, can one truely walk away from it all? Isn't that akin to simply running away without solving the problem? And where else can one run to when the entire system in the country is that twisted? Oh yeah, when joining the opposition is akin to committing social suicide, it boggles the mind to see how helpless one really is.

I'm perfectly fine sitting here and waiting for the bird to sing. I may not like the interval or the process but that seems to be the best option for me to take. Plus I'm cool anyway.

The writer is not happy with the many different processes but he has yet to launch official or formal complaints, simply because he is not that sort of person (Liar! You called me a slavedriver some time back! - Ed.). It would appear that this space is the only place left where he can air his opinions without any backlash or reprisal. Plus the blog doesn't bite back for the sake of biting.

Japan Yokoso 2010! Part 4

Having left Hakone, we stopped for a short break at the town of Odawara while waiting for our connecting train so I took the opportunity to make a quick visit to the relatively obscure Odawara castle.

The trains brought us to Asakusa by late afternoon where we checked in to our hostel. Since it was already quite late, we decided to head off to Ikebukuro in search of the "Otome road" or Maiden Street, a section of the shopping district of Ikebukuro that mirrors Akihabara but mainly serves the interest of female otakus (fujoshi). We managed to get to the area but could not confirm if that was it though so we headed back to our cramped quarters to rest for tomorrow's journey up North.

It's back to Nikko although much later than my previous visit. It was by late morning by the time we arrived so the light was kind of harsh. Instead of going to the places I went to before, we got the Nikko free pass and headed out to Lake Chuzenji and Kegon falls. The snow and mist on Mt Nantai was a sight to behold, as were the unmelted snow when we arrived at Lake Chuzenji. The scenary was nice but due to the shortage of time, we didn't stick around for long after lunch (500yen for some Yuuba 'sashimi'?) and caught the bus out to the shrines.

Having visited them before, my principle focus was to at least visit the Futaarasan shrine because of it's significance in relationships and marriage. Nice feeling to be back at the shrine with someone else in company. We both baulked at the entrance fee to the Toshogu so we simply headed out to the Narabijizo path to count the jizo statues before we headed back to Tokyo. The next day was a leisurely (and uneventful) day spent at Akihabara and an evening stroll at the kabuki-cho district at Shinjuku.

Of all the days, it had to rain on the day I head out to the Tsukiji fish market. It was cold and wet but it was nice to be back to experience the orderly chaos and to tuck into some fresh sushi (ordered the supreme sushi platter!). I was alone at that point in time as my partner was tired but we met up before lunch and headed to Saitama. Having arrived at Washimiya in the afternoon, we were greeted by the sight of the decorated mikoshi at the station! A new-found sense of fun made us brave the cold drizzle to head towards the Washinomiya-jinja, made famous by the Lucky-star anime. It was something we did not regret as we bundled into the cafe beside the torii gate. The theme is predominately evident with the decorated cars parked nearby as well as the artwork on the many prayer plaques at the temple.

By the time we went back to Tokyo, it was already evening and still drizzling but we headed out to the Tokyo tower anyway. I had not really planned extensively to have this special occassion on the top of the tower. It was more of an impulsive thing as I had only made hasty preparations for the visit only just before we flew over. I have to tell you, my mind was a total blank and my heart was full of butterflies after trying to filter through all the thoughts and plans to carry it out but I opted to keep it simple and just do it. The smile and the tears in her eyes was enough to cap off a wonderful and memorable first trip together.

The writer is not too pleased to be back although he apologises for the delay in the updates due to lethargy and the annoying feeling of simply being back.

Japan Yokoso 2010! Part 3

The next chilly morning, we set out for the famed bamboo groove of Arashiyama. In my madness, I opted to wear only a hoodie over my shirt for the day and I somewhat regretted that by late afternoon. The sky was overcast and there were intermitent drizzles but the most important thing was: it was freakin' cold!

The bamboo groove lost much of it's lustre in the poor light but it still has a peaceful charm to it, coupled with the fresh mountain air. I was somehow pulled along to take the Sagano scenic train ride and because of the timing, we had to settle for seats in an open-air car (the misery from the cold doesn't end there) but the scenery was beautiful and somewhat well worth the money (and agony) spent. At the end of the ride, we spent quite some time taking pictures of a gorgeous field of flowers before the threat of rain forced us to move on. Onwards to the Fushimi Inari Taisha.

It was rather surprising to find a lack of people activity when we arrived at Fushimi station. It was lunchtime so we holed up at this small restaurant beside the station and had a pleasant meal (at a relatively cheap price too). The "legendary" trail of bright red Torii gates was a sight to behold but the climb up the mountain was not something for the faint-hearted. It is near impossible to even count the number of Inari shrines along the path and there were countless numbers bunched up together as well.

Due to the setting of the sun, we opted not to complete the trail. We decided to give the Miyako Odori a miss as we headed back to the hostel and started packing our bags. Time to move on to the next stop! An early morning bullet train took us to the city of Odawara and then a train ride to Hakone. It took some struggling to get our (more specifically, my) luggages onto the small buses before we reached our Ryokan. As it was not time for us to check in yet, we had our 2-day Hakone free pass (misleading name, it's not free and it's not cheap too) and headed out to Moto-Hakone and Lake Ashi, where I was hoping to at least catch a glimpse of Mount Fuji to make up for the disappointment of not seeing it on my first trip to Japan 2 years ago.

Alas, it was not to be as clouds obscured the great mountain from what would have been a vantage point from the Lake. The pirate boat ride was kind of uneventful (but cold nontheless). From Togendai, we took the ropeway up to the famed sulphur crevices of Owakudani (again not able to catch Fuji-san from the vantage point along the ropeway. The pungent smell of sulphur hit us the moment we got out of the building. As we walked up the trail, the sight of unmelted snow greeted us and as I stared out again into the distance, I was pleasantly surprised to finally see the faint snow-capped cone of the elusive Fuji appearing from the clouds. It just made my day there and then. The subsequent ride down the mountain via the cable cars and the Hakone Tozan railway were uneventful, saved for the observation that the sakuras have yet to bloom at heights of above 550m.

Having retired for the day to our room at the Ryokan, we soaked ourselves in the bath filled from the Natural Hot springs before retiring for the night and refresh ourselves for the last leg of our trip.

Japan Yokoso 2010! Part 2

From Osaka, we dragged our lugguage down to the ancient capital of Nara and cramped them into a locker and proceed on a day trip round with visits to the various World Heritage sites of the Kofukuji Shrine, the Todaiji and the Kasuga Taisha Shrine. The deers were a handful to deal with so we refrained from the urge to feed them.

By the late afternoon, we were simply too tired to carry on and had to abandon a visit to the Heijo Palace site and the ancient burial mounds so we went to visit the Naramachi Lattice House instead (in order not to bore her further with Temples and Shrines). The train ride up to Kyoto was uneventful and slow (having missed the earlier express) and lugging the lugguage uphill, we reached the hostel in the early evening and then having to move back downhill to the annex where we will be staying, we were pooped out but still we made our way towards the nearby Gion district for some quick bite.

When we dropped off the bus and was walking around, we were stopped by a well-dressed middle-aged man who (somehow knew we were tourists) enthusiastically invited us to come along with him, as well as other tourists along the way, to catch the final night of the Sakura lightup (which the hostel manager told us about earlier). Warily we followed, not wanting to appear rude and was pleasantly surprised when we reached the Shirakawa canal and the sight of sakura blossoms lit up along the banks greeted us. We were so entralled by the scenary that we forgot to thank the man!

The following morning was a somewhat hectic day running around the old city from the Old Imperial Palace site (where we wasted an hour waiting for the receptionists at the Imperial Household Agency to come back from lunch before finding out we cannot gain admission that day) to Nijo castle and then an evening stroll down the Path of Philosophy with rows of gorgeous trees in full blossom along the banks (after forgoing a visit to the Ginkakuji for the day). A quick stopover at the Kyoto train station sky garden to take in the night scenary of the city before the end of the day.

It was with some great excitment when we awoke, for we are going to dress up in traditional garb for the day! Though somehow we woke up abit later than anticipated, the (irritating) crowd at the boutique delayed our day's adventure which saw us strolling uphill to the famous Kiyomizu-dera, down the three-year (sannen-zaka) and two-year (ninen-zaka) slopes and then on to the Gingakuji (Silver Pavilion) and Kinkakuji (Golden Pavilion). By the time we finished, it was already late afternoon so we decided to go explore the Yasaka shrine, also known as Gion-sha (it is representative of the Gion District) and the Matsuri (Festival) there, watching the lighting up of the lantern offerings before we trudged back to the boutique. But not before stopping by the hostel for some private photo shoots of our elaborate costumes.

Having shed ourselves of the somewhat restrictive clothing, it felt good to be walking freely again and not confined by the clothing (and wooden sandles!) so we made a trip down to Gion again, hoping to try our luck at getting a glimpse of the Geikos and Maikos. A pleasant surprise awaited us as a Geiko and Maiko we had been observing from a teahouse came out upon invitation by the guests they had been entertaining! Before long, a large crowd had gathered and the duo could be heard in a semi-pleading voice for their mama-san, who was gamely smiling nearby! After we left the scene, we bumped into yet another Maiko! How lucky were we that night?

Japan Yokoso 2010! Part 1

Konnichiwa minna! Ogenki desu ka?

Back from a refreshing and memorable (and somewhat exhaustive) trip back to the Land of the Rising Sun, it's time to get back to work and post some updates (groan~).

It's my first venture to the kansai region and only my second trip to Japan and have been looking forward to this so much because of the company I'll be keeping and also the promise of spectacular scenary of the cherry blossoms in full bloom among the backdrop of majestic castles and ancient pagodas.

Because of the relatively high cost of the JR-pass, we opted to save some money by purchasing a 7-day pass instead of the entire 14-day and in doing so, we opted to take the overnight bus to Kansai. So having landed, we headed off to Ueno to soak in the blossoms for fear the rains of previos days have dampened the view but I was not disappointed as rows and rows of thick blooms lined the walkway.

Waiting for the night bus at the bus stop is not exactly a pleasant experience, given that the winds were bone-chilling and temperatures were low. We toughed it out and boarded the bus and slumbered our way down to Kyoto (since we couldn't get a ride to Osaka). It was not a pleasant sleep though but it was adequate for me as we reached Kyoto in the morning and proceeded to catch a train to Osaka after washing up. We reached our hostel somewhat pooped and slept till late afternoon before heading out for Dotombori. It was in here I managed to get a nice maid suit for a really nice price and also introduced (and hooked) to the Calpis soda water....

The next day, we ambled down to the Shitennoji temple and then a brief stop at Osaka castle. It was already late afternoon but we didn't stick around for long before heading off to the Osaka Aquarium and then an evening walk down the Pombashi area. Day 4 saw us on the special express train to Himeji, fingers crossed that the renovation works have not yet begun in earnest. It paid off handsomely with a virtual unobstructed view of the White Heron and it was as magnificent as the pictures. Apart from the 2 hour long queue to get into the dongon, it was every bit enjoyable with a local troupe of Samurai dress-ups "accompanying" us out of the grounds lined with blossoms.

Evening saw us back for another quick stop at Pombashi but there was hardly time to shop around since the shops all close at 8pm. Thus ended our stay in Osaka.

Big load off the shoulders for now

Back in green for the first time in more than a year and it was not exactly a good feeling. Not that there was any "defects" in the uniform but the thought of being "interned" does not bring about scenes of joy or celebration. Yes, it is the dreaded in-camp training...

The guys were pretty much in the same mood as I was but we pretty much cheered each other up with our usual bantering over tea. For this in-camp, we were going to go through the Army Training Evaluation Course Stage 1. It consist of a series of technical tests and small unit evaluation exercises.

The only good thing about this whole period was the proximity of the camp to a special someone, making my nights off extra special. After several months, I'm still dealing with the fact that I'm no longer the single care-free boy anymore but I enjoyed every moment of it, well maybe not much the down moments but it's mostly up anyway.

Clearly I've inherited a very good group of guys who know what needs to be done without me having to lift much of a finger or voice. So naturally, every one of us did our best for the tests for the first week and we managed to get a high rating. The second week was to be a frustrating one as it was physically tiring (even though it was a much shorter distance than a full exercise) and it had to rain whenever I was out there! I find comfort in the fact that I was able to finally pay a visit to the area where I spent ten years of my life, growing up climbing trees and playing in the dirt. I barely recognised the place but the main roads hasn't changed much since we were relocated from the place.

The group did our best and we were left biting our nails about the rest of the unit but we pulled through with a good performance and scored a high rating for stage 1. It was sweet relief to finish this in-camp training and get back to my life over the weekend but then again, I'm not exactly looking forward to going back to work....

The writer is looking forward to something that's going to happen in a very short while...

I'm only human

I am not a perfect being. I have flaws, issues, emotions and, to a lesser extent, sudden outbursts.

To what I know of myself so far, my greatest flaws has always been my jealousy. As of now I still have yet to fully curb nor completely control it, but I have been able to keep it wrapped up behind a stone wall. It is not something I am proud of as it sometimes do get the better of me.

Then, there have been times when I open up and let slip some comment that was probably inappropriate. This has led to several uncomfortable moments before and it never felt good at all, even if the other party brushes it off. Times like this make me want to clamp up and withdraw back to the shell for fear of making matters worse than they already are but I know that by doing that, things will still get worse. What a choice between a rock and hard place.

Perhaps I should take it easy from now on instead of being too hard on myself. Afterall, friction is part and parcel in everyday life and it shouldn't grind things down to a halt. I have always believed that communications make a well-oiled machine so I feel strongly about talking things out to sort out the issues. I'm not Mr Perfect or Superman. I'm just a normal human being who's trying his best to make his special someone feel just that. Special.

The writer has no wish to argue or provoke a sustained tension. He may appear to be a pacifist but he really doesn't like to lose control over himself or show his fighting side.

Happy Birthday Girl

Even though I have the excuse to lump it together with Valentine's, I opted to take the opportunity to remind you how much you mean to me.

Due to the tight schedule, I was only able to scoot down to grab a box of your favourite Royces' chocolates in order to meet up at the designated time, so as not to ruin the surprise. Sorry if the chocolates and the ensuing ice cream treat was not up to expectations (coz Tiffany's is just too unrealistic right now :p)

Anyway, many happy returns. :)

Taking flight

Dear all, the past two years of this series of entries have been a tumultous time, from having to deal with the pain of loss to finding happiness in simple things in live.

For me personally, it was already rock bottom with the passing of my beloved Mother but I went underground when I voluntarily exiled myself from the love of my life. It was a painful period to deal with but writing brought a little solace during those dark times, hoping for the words to get through to her somehow.

From there on, I managed to painfully dig myself out from the rut and started moving along again. It was somewhat of a surprise when my Angel came back to me again out of the blue. It wasn't all starry-eyed as we were both wary of each other and we came together on a cautious note. Perhaps not exactly the best of starts but by treating her as I've always meant to broke the wall between us, to the extent of giving her toothaches for being "too sweet".

So here we are at last, side by side, holding hands. And flying together like there's no tomorrow.

The writer is relieved to have his better half by his side at last. He also wishes to thank everyone who's been reading his entries, especially those who have supported him all this while.

Beware of the Leadershit

Leaders are people who lead. Often through showing exemplary acts or making good decisions for the group or organisation to move forward towards their objectives (Are you referring to me? - Ed)

Regular change in top management is good in that it allows for fresh blood and new ideas, and a way for the middle and junior management to move up. But sometimes, change is not for the better as one often hopes for (This is starting to sound like an Obama critique - Ed).

It's been more than a month from the incident and we're still dealing with the fall-out that arose from it. It is now that our "enthusiasm" for the new management becomes strained and, I dare say, degenerated into discontent and even contemptuous. Reason being that instead of observing and correcting the rot, we have been continuously tasked to paper over the cracks and put up a grand show to say that all is well in the organisation.

Yes, so all is good here. Nothing to fix within so now we're suppose to fix elsewhere. So now we're expected to be holding the hands of industry players who come in purely for profit and not keen to contribute to the industry? It is a well-known fact that agriculture is a risky venture at the mercy of economic and natural factors so when something goes wrong, we're responsible for it? And why are we going to have to be responsible for incompetant businessmen out to make a quick buck when they clearly know nuts about this industry? I don't recall getting a share of the profits when the going was good for them.

It can be so frustrating when senior management goes along with it, wanting to appear generous (whatever). Maybe you can't blame the rookie Chief since the chief is new and more or less knows nuts about our work anyway. Maybe we shouldn't be blaming the in-coming cronies who know nuts about this as well. As long as we all do our bit to put up a good show for the public, they get their obscene pay raise. Guess who's stuck with all the dirty work?

The writer is not a fan of idiots, nor is he tolerant of stupidity. Throw in incompetance to see his reaction.

Leaving the forest for one tree

Updates and entries have slowed down quite a bit recently haven't it? (No, it's not as if we're paying you to slack your time away. -Ed) Everything has been well and good, saved for a few more white hair coming into existence... (it's called aging. - Ed)

I have read with interest several poor souls out there who suffered the same relationship problems I had, falling for someone they shouldn't have. The typical love-triangles or secret admirers gig in regular soaps or dramas. Though I can't say the end results will all be the same, I find the disparaging remarks by many commentors hard to swallow.

Granted there have been a fair amount of positive advice and encouragement for the poor guys (yeah, appears that guys suffer from this more often). However, the general advice of the crowd appears to keep away from such relationships for fear of ending up hurt. I can attest to the hurt part, especially so when you know there isn't much hope. I am however left peeved by the most (over-rated) analogies many people love to use.

"Why give up the entire forest for just one tree?" or "The ocean is full of fish"

Has it occurred to you simpletons that love is one of the most powerful emotions in our mind? I think the only other one should be rage. Why powerful? Try thinking straight when you're under the influence of these two emotions.

Rather than try to possess the entire forest or consume all the ocean's fish, I'm content with finding my tree or fish. One that I'd enjoy tending to everyday, instead of wandering around aimlessly. What good is an entire forest that you can't focus on all the trees and they eventually die away, leaving you with nothing in the end. Being a simple guy, I'd prefer to find my tree to nurture and tend to. So for all you guys out there who share this dilemma, go forth and pursue your dreams. You might just have your dreams realised.

The writer is currently still wearing that silly grin on his face. Time to give him a whack on the head - Ed