Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Regrets

Everyone has them. From never being able to meet someone to not being able to find time to bring their parents to visit Universal Studios..... (wait, what?)
 
This somewhat notorious question sometimes slip through carefully prepared interview questions and can somehow make or break the carefully crafted persona/facade one has spent so much time on. Fortunately, I have yet to encounter this but I feel the urge to put it in writing due to recent events.
 
The passing of Leonard Nimoy brought an end to the crew of the original Enterprise (NCC-1701) save for the Captain and the Comms Lieutenant (last surviving crew members). It also highlighted how fast time has flown past.
 
Regrets are something you cannot prevent unless you have had prior knowledge but even then, it may not be entirely possible to avoid. In my case, it was the inability to have my mother present to witness the next phase of my life and for her to be the grandmother she would probably have been looking forward to being.
 
The only relief or solace I find in this regret is that she was there to witness my graduation from University and for me to bring her on a trip to the Gold Coast. Like everyone, I have always took it for granted and loss of her support and encouragement after her passing was devastating. For a period, I contemplated resigning from my position as I fought to cope with the loss.

Fast forward to the present, my current position has become more and more unbearable as relationship with my supervisor has reached breaking point. From an outsider point of view, many would have just soldiered on due to the stability and the nice pay cheque. I would like to differ. Money is useless when family relations are jeopardised. Broken family ties cannot be mended, and the time required for work has been siphoned away from my family, especially from my son. This was a mistake (I felt) that my father made but his situation had been different and it was out of neccessity. I am not willing to make that same mistake.

Cue the routine job applications and interviews. Imagine the horror of sending multiple applications with limited success. You would have imagined that having many years of work experience in a managerial capacity with ability to carry out "fire-fighting" work over weekends would have been a selling point. Ultimately, it boils down to compensation. Will it kill to ask for less? Probably not. That's exactly what I did, taking a chunky pay cut in my applications but I doubt it worked much as most employers probably want to pay me much less, to the tune of a fresh grad's starting pay (not the expected one). Sorry mate, no can do. I've got bills to pay and a family to support. This is the world's most costly country to live in, not some backward country that export their jobless people out as cheap labour.

Big regret. Have wasted nine years on the wrong organisation and having not much leeway to move to another. Hopefully will have the intervention of Lady Luck soon.

The writer does enjoy the fact that he can put his job description as "Mad Scientist" and will probably miss that very soon.

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