Cheated!

In case you're left wondering about the quote in the previous post:

People are like dice, casting themselves into their lives - Jean-Paul Sartre

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Ever had times when you thought everything turned out well but found out later that the result was not what you expected? The disappointment felt extreme, doesn't it? For the better part of that torturous morning I thought I had achieved my silver grading for my annual IPPT but when I collected my result slip, it told me otherwise...

I had missed out by one point, meaning I was cheated out of a hundred bucks by the mere virtue of 2 chin-ups, 2 sit-ups or 0.1sec.... How frustrating is that when I had huffed and puffed my life out struggling to finish that 2.4km run in good time. Now I have to do it all over again, if not for the money I still have my pride and personal target.

Its been a fairly quiet, yet busy month so far. So much arrows stuck on my back to deal with and then there's the anime I'm watching, finding some good philosophical insights and nice songs in them. Then there's this rare forey of me attending a talk organised by the Ocean Geographic Society the other day by the famed NatGeo photojournalist, Emory Kristof (every deep sea photos you see were done by him). A really entertaining 1hour listening to the development of oceanographic photography from the beginnings till today. When asked how he tells people what he does for a living, one cannot help chuckle when he replied," I photograph 'sea monsters' for the Geographic", which was essentially true since most of his subjects would seem like one to ordinary folks.

Oh, and I got back to digging into my pile of resin figures after one whole year of loafing around with gunplas. But I'm still doing plastic models though and so far, my production count for this year has already leaped to 4 (yay!). Honestly, there's no where else to channel my energy towards. It's ridiculous to spend any of it on work anyway since I'm not interested in running the rat race or climbing the corporate ladder. I'm fine just where I am, standing still on one spot. For anyone who's still reading my entries, I thank you and hope you find your comfort spot as well.

The writer is still feeling the fatigue from that exhaustive test. He hopes to have a better rest for the long weekend ahead before going back to get his silver grading.

Join the OG society http://www.ogsociety.org/
A small showcase of what the writer has finished (out of his mountain) http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/album.php?aid=75990&id=705617874&ref=mf

Lost in directions

L'homme est d'abord ce qui se jette vers un avenir,et ce qui est conscient de se projeter dans l'avenir
- Jean-Paul Sartre

What truth these words reflect. Every now and then, one arrives at a crossroad on their journeys. If one is lucky, the way ahead is clearly pointed out with a classic arrow signpost. Some will get clearcut choices (flat path as opposed to rocky terrain). The worst one can get is a dead end.

Since my life have been revolving around the anime world, should it be any surprise that I actually take my directions from there? To be honest, anime has given me more comfort than any of my friends or family members throughout the years. Even though some anime are downright depressing, I can never fail to sense the hope behind every last episode, even though the endings may not always be a happy one.

So here I am, a decade of joining the otaku rank and file. Still the same hopeless person as ten years ago. To the extent of drawing hope from anime, seeing the parallels with my life and deriving advice from it. For example, feeling frustrated at the main character's inability to profess his feelings, I tried forcing myself to take the next step (but not getting the results anyway). Drawing spirit from the sacrifices the guy character goes through for the girl, I tried emulating in my own way (but to no avail as well). Makes one lose confidence in myself with each passing day, wondering and reasoning through my own faults and failings. Sometimes I wonder if the writer for Toradora is actually someone who knows me or has been monitoring my life... but I guess otakus like me are just not cut out to go into a relationship.

I know I've been sitting on this entry for 4 days by now, I'm just reluctant to commit so much of the raw emotions I feel into words. Today (9th April), for the first time in a long while, I woke up with the urge to break down crying. Not because I had to drag myself to work again, but it was an unexplanable surge in a mix of emotions like sorrow and anguish. It could be due to the wierd dream I had earlier (it's kind of inexplicable right now) or perhaps the dam started leaking there and then.

The writer is not posting any post scripts for this entry. Not in the mood to even try to be funny. (Sorry -Ed.)