Wings

And the Winner is....

2011-03-16T15:32:00.007+08:00

Months of inactivity and generally keeping busy with the better half. Though the thought of going back for In-Camp Training right after the Chinese New Year holidays wasn't all that appealing, much less going back for the much dreaded Stage 2 evaluation.

I had rushed to finish and hand over what work I had prior to that (I at least want my short holiday to be undisturbed) and the buildup to the exercise wasn't as smooth as one would like it to be. It was afterall, a 3-week affair.

Granted, the first week was kinda slack as we brushed up on the planning and SOPs. And then a quick pep-talk by our out-going Div Comd. Interesting conversation though:

Div Com: So, which is the best company?

(A, B, C OCs all quiet)

Div Com: No one wants to answer? Where's the Scouts?

Me (Scout PC): [Hong gan....] Sir, Scouts are the best! (What else you expect me to say?)

Div Com: Really? Good to hear that because I agree you have to be the best in order to serve the rest of the Battalion well. So let's do this one more time, which is the best company? (Think half expecting all the OCs to take my lead and claim the title)

B OC: Sir, I think all of us are quite equal. Have to remain humble (smile)

Div Com: Good. I agree humility is good but I also want you to have confidence in your own men. So C, which company do you think is the best?

(My OC Support company slides up to empty chair beside me hiding behind the other staff officers)

OC Support: Support Company!

(Everyone laughs)

We went on and slugged it out for the evaluation, us scouts having to move out an extra 24hours ahead and losing more of our blood to the jungle commandos. It was sheer torture having to bash through the vegetation and struggling to find a way through the swampy areas. I almost gave up during the first night from exhaustion after being on the move for 4 hours straight and carrying too much weight I believe. In the end, we managed to get a fairly high rating for our efforts. Two of the scout teams managed to earn a name for themselves by adopting an aggressive posture instead of retreating when encountering an enemy OP (but sadly, they both got "KIAed" and I think we lost some points on that) but clearly our CO was quite impressed and approved of the teams' spirit.

Coincidentally, our Battalion was named the best NS Infantry Battalion of the Division for the previous work year, taking over from the "retiring" Battalion. Not a bad experience though. Not bad at all.

The writer is still recovering from the many bites and scars from that traumatic 3 weeks.

How the Internet Started

2011-03-16T15:13:00.000+08:00

How the Internet started

A revelation with an Incredibly Big Message (IBM):

Well, you might have thought that you knew how the Internet started, but here's the TRUE story ....

In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.

And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband: "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

And Abraham did look at her - as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said: "How, dear?"

And Dot replied: "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price.

And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was called Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP)

But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham's drum and began to siphon off some of Abraham's business. But he was soon discovered, arrested and prosecuted - for insider trading.

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung.

They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land.

And indeed did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say: "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."

And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known. He said: "We need a name that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied: "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

And that is how it all began.

Truuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuly!!!

Turning the page

2011-01-10T22:13:00.002+08:00

Dear friends,

If I still have many of you left, that is. Today marks the last page of a chapter in this not-so-awesome story. I doubt the suspense and drama has killed you yet nor left you begging for more so I'll cut it short. Another story is about to begin.

Stay tuned.

OPEN LETTER COFFEE SHOP TALK

2010-12-05T01:42:00.001+08:00

Posted by a disgruntled forumner in the online citizen website:

Subject: Dear Prime Minister, tolong please …….
Coffee Shop Talk - Dear Prime Minister, tolong please…

From: ChinChaiOne
28-Apr 12:15

Dear Prime Minister,
We citizens of Singapore urge you to PLEASE MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

We DO NOT NEED your help.

Every time, you mention HELP, we have to run for cover!!!

Help the poor? Raise GST!
Help traffic flow? Up ERP!
Help passenger service? Up Bus fare/MRT fare!
Help us get taxi? Raise taxi fare!
Help us get good government? Raise Minister and Civil servant salary!

Everytime YOU WANT TO HELP, we all PAY FOR IT!!!

THANK YOU THANK YOU…TOLONG LAH, please, we will HELP OURSELVES, no need your help liao.
We DARE NOT ask for help any more!!!

Sir, most honoured sir, I urge you NOT TO HELP Singapore INVEST also!
Everytime your wife invest, we all lose money! Kao liao, kum siah!
Just let us have a dose of bad governance, like recently the Mat Selamat
case, like dat….so far, it is ok,your incompetence, we ACCEPT!

PLEASE DO NOT help us have better security! Wait we all kena PAY FOR IT!!
I believe ALL SINGAPOREANS PREFER NOT TO HAVE CRUTCH MENTALITY!
I think it is ok lah, please just take your salary and enjoy life ok?

Thank you thank you,
I am very chin chai one, any how any how, no need to help oso can one..

The writer wishes to stress that these words are taken piecemeal from a forum and are strictly not his own.

It's all good....for now that is.

2010-11-16T20:09:00.001+08:00

Been a long while hasn't it? Busy with some preparative work and other stuff, not to mention I'm back in a furious Gunpla groove aseembling them at near break-neck speed.

The recent months have been quite well actually with stock markets going up (in the process gaining back on some losing stocks and at the same time making small profits), won a small return on the lottery, and finally settling some hair-tearing stuff.

On the work front, things are not going so well though. Seems like I'll be stuck with cowering in fear over every phone call during the Christmas period....

Damn the a**hole weather....

Am I missing something here?

2010-07-27T14:22:00.004+08:00

It's been a while. I've been kept occupied and generally felt lazy to do any thinking or writing. That hasn't changed lately but I thought I'd just add an entry for something that irks me.

I have never been much of a morning person, never will be. So it has never been pleasant to wake up to go to work. Storm clouds start brewing whenever the alarm clock sounds off the start of the rat race. A quick washup and playing with the cat muffles some of the rumblings as I head for the door and to the bus stop.

Electrical charges start building up once I step onto the bus. The ubiquitous annoying folks start to appear from every crack in the pavement. As if that's not bad enough, the thunder starts showing when it's time to board the train. From the queue-cutters to the "road blocks" to "sleeping beauties" that magically fall asleep whenever someone in need of a seat boards the train. And then there are the "scholars", people who insist of flipping and reading their newspapers even when everyone's crushed up in the trains.

Seriously, the civic level of the people in this small red dot has sunk to a pathetic low. I doubt it's ever going to rise to see the light of day again going by the liberal immigration policy of importing boorish "foreign talents" and the government encouraging the kiasu attitude that breeds selfishness.

Woe, woe. Doom is upon us. I'm packing my bags....

The writer detests the state of public transport and views it as a collaboration by private enterprises and the government to hood-wink the populance as "world-class". He doesn't have a good opinion of the general populance and the government anyway.

FUBAR - It's German

2010-05-22T01:09:00.003+08:00

When a bird you have stays silent, do you:

1) threaten to kill it if doesn't sing?
2) make it to sing? or
3) wait for it to sing?

I'm guessing most likely you'll be choosing option 3 but let's face it, how many of us are patient enough to sit quietly and wait for things to happen? How many of us are even certain that things will even happen if we simply sit around? Many often take option 1 (even though they'd claim to take option 3 for this question) through the form of complaints and feedback in hope that the relevant authorities will listen and act on them. Unfortunately, we don't seem to be living in an ideal world.

Is option 2 really feasible? Are you able to take action against a big corporation? If you don't like the way things are run, it's not as if you can waltz in, snap your fingers and make things right. Not when the entire system is so twisted that by the time you're in a position to make a difference, it's just about time for you to retire. (This is of course not applicable to the "bright" young scholars who are propelled to their jobs based on their abilities to swallow and regurgitate piecemeal.)

Come to think of it, if people are empowered, emphasis EMPOWERED, to take action (option 2), will they even need to resort to taking option 1 (complaints)? And if one cannot stand the system, can one truely walk away from it all? Isn't that akin to simply running away without solving the problem? And where else can one run to when the entire system in the country is that twisted? Oh yeah, when joining the opposition is akin to committing social suicide, it boggles the mind to see how helpless one really is.

I'm perfectly fine sitting here and waiting for the bird to sing. I may not like the interval or the process but that seems to be the best option for me to take. Plus I'm cool anyway.

The writer is not happy with the many different processes but he has yet to launch official or formal complaints, simply because he is not that sort of person (Liar! You called me a slavedriver some time back! - Ed.). It would appear that this space is the only place left where he can air his opinions without any backlash or reprisal. Plus the blog doesn't bite back for the sake of biting.

Japan Yokoso 2010! Part 4

2010-04-25T21:03:00.005+08:00

Having left Hakone, we stopped for a short break at the town of Odawara while waiting for our connecting train so I took the opportunity to make a quick visit to the relatively obscure Odawara castle.

The trains brought us to Asakusa by late afternoon where we checked in to our hostel. Since it was already quite late, we decided to head off to Ikebukuro in search of the "Otome road" or Maiden Street, a section of the shopping district of Ikebukuro that mirrors Akihabara but mainly serves the interest of female otakus (fujoshi). We managed to get to the area but could not confirm if that was it though so we headed back to our cramped quarters to rest for tomorrow's journey up North.

It's back to Nikko although much later than my previous visit. It was by late morning by the time we arrived so the light was kind of harsh. Instead of going to the places I went to before, we got the Nikko free pass and headed out to Lake Chuzenji and Kegon falls. The snow and mist on Mt Nantai was a sight to behold, as were the unmelted snow when we arrived at Lake Chuzenji. The scenary was nice but due to the shortage of time, we didn't stick around for long after lunch (500yen for some Yuuba 'sashimi'?) and caught the bus out to the shrines.

Having visited them before, my principle focus was to at least visit the Futaarasan shrine because of it's significance in relationships and marriage. Nice feeling to be back at the shrine with someone else in company. We both baulked at the entrance fee to the Toshogu so we simply headed out to the Narabijizo path to count the jizo statues before we headed back to Tokyo. The next day was a leisurely (and uneventful) day spent at Akihabara and an evening stroll at the kabuki-cho district at Shinjuku.

Of all the days, it had to rain on the day I head out to the Tsukiji fish market. It was cold and wet but it was nice to be back to experience the orderly chaos and to tuck into some fresh sushi (ordered the supreme sushi platter!). I was alone at that point in time as my partner was tired but we met up before lunch and headed to Saitama. Having arrived at Washimiya in the afternoon, we were greeted by the sight of the decorated mikoshi at the station! A new-found sense of fun made us brave the cold drizzle to head towards the Washinomiya-jinja, made famous by the Lucky-star anime. It was something we did not regret as we bundled into the cafe beside the torii gate. The theme is predominately evident with the decorated cars parked nearby as well as the artwork on the many prayer plaques at the temple.

By the time we went back to Tokyo, it was already evening and still drizzling but we headed out to the Tokyo tower anyway. I had not really planned extensively to have this special occassion on the top of the tower. It was more of an impulsive thing as I had only made hasty preparations for the visit only just before we flew over. I have to tell you, my mind was a total blank and my heart was full of butterflies after trying to filter through all the thoughts and plans to carry it out but I opted to keep it simple and just do it. The smile and the tears in her eyes was enough to cap off a wonderful and memorable first trip together.

The writer is not too pleased to be back although he apologises for the delay in the updates due to lethargy and the annoying feeling of simply being back.

Japan Yokoso 2010! Part 3

2010-04-23T20:58:00.005+08:00

The next chilly morning, we set out for the famed bamboo groove of Arashiyama. In my madness, I opted to wear only a hoodie over my shirt for the day and I somewhat regretted that by late afternoon. The sky was overcast and there were intermitent drizzles but the most important thing was: it was freakin' cold!

The bamboo groove lost much of it's lustre in the poor light but it still has a peaceful charm to it, coupled with the fresh mountain air. I was somehow pulled along to take the Sagano scenic train ride and because of the timing, we had to settle for seats in an open-air car (the misery from the cold doesn't end there) but the scenery was beautiful and somewhat well worth the money (and agony) spent. At the end of the ride, we spent quite some time taking pictures of a gorgeous field of flowers before the threat of rain forced us to move on. Onwards to the Fushimi Inari Taisha.

It was rather surprising to find a lack of people activity when we arrived at Fushimi station. It was lunchtime so we holed up at this small restaurant beside the station and had a pleasant meal (at a relatively cheap price too). The "legendary" trail of bright red Torii gates was a sight to behold but the climb up the mountain was not something for the faint-hearted. It is near impossible to even count the number of Inari shrines along the path and there were countless numbers bunched up together as well.

Due to the setting of the sun, we opted not to complete the trail. We decided to give the Miyako Odori a miss as we headed back to the hostel and started packing our bags. Time to move on to the next stop! An early morning bullet train took us to the city of Odawara and then a train ride to Hakone. It took some struggling to get our (more specifically, my) luggages onto the small buses before we reached our Ryokan. As it was not time for us to check in yet, we had our 2-day Hakone free pass (misleading name, it's not free and it's not cheap too) and headed out to Moto-Hakone and Lake Ashi, where I was hoping to at least catch a glimpse of Mount Fuji to make up for the disappointment of not seeing it on my first trip to Japan 2 years ago.

Alas, it was not to be as clouds obscured the great mountain from what would have been a vantage point from the Lake. The pirate boat ride was kind of uneventful (but cold nontheless). From Togendai, we took the ropeway up to the famed sulphur crevices of Owakudani (again not able to catch Fuji-san from the vantage point along the ropeway. The pungent smell of sulphur hit us the moment we got out of the building. As we walked up the trail, the sight of unmelted snow greeted us and as I stared out again into the distance, I was pleasantly surprised to finally see the faint snow-capped cone of the elusive Fuji appearing from the clouds. It just made my day there and then. The subsequent ride down the mountain via the cable cars and the Hakone Tozan railway were uneventful, saved for the observation that the sakuras have yet to bloom at heights of above 550m.

Having retired for the day to our room at the Ryokan, we soaked ourselves in the bath filled from the Natural Hot springs before retiring for the night and refresh ourselves for the last leg of our trip.

Japan Yokoso 2010! Part 2

2010-04-21T20:52:00.011+08:00

From Osaka, we dragged our lugguage down to the ancient capital of Nara and cramped them into a locker and proceed on a day trip round with visits to the various World Heritage sites of the Kofukuji Shrine, the Todaiji and the Kasuga Taisha Shrine. The deers were a handful to deal with so we refrained from the urge to feed them.

By the late afternoon, we were simply too tired to carry on and had to abandon a visit to the Heijo Palace site and the ancient burial mounds so we went to visit the Naramachi Lattice House instead (in order not to bore her further with Temples and Shrines). The train ride up to Kyoto was uneventful and slow (having missed the earlier express) and lugging the lugguage uphill, we reached the hostel in the early evening and then having to move back downhill to the annex where we will be staying, we were pooped out but still we made our way towards the nearby Gion district for some quick bite.

When we dropped off the bus and was walking around, we were stopped by a well-dressed middle-aged man who (somehow knew we were tourists) enthusiastically invited us to come along with him, as well as other tourists along the way, to catch the final night of the Sakura lightup (which the hostel manager told us about earlier). Warily we followed, not wanting to appear rude and was pleasantly surprised when we reached the Shirakawa canal and the sight of sakura blossoms lit up along the banks greeted us. We were so entralled by the scenary that we forgot to thank the man!

The following morning was a somewhat hectic day running around the old city from the Old Imperial Palace site (where we wasted an hour waiting for the receptionists at the Imperial Household Agency to come back from lunch before finding out we cannot gain admission that day) to Nijo castle and then an evening stroll down the Path of Philosophy with rows of gorgeous trees in full blossom along the banks (after forgoing a visit to the Ginkakuji for the day). A quick stopover at the Kyoto train station sky garden to take in the night scenary of the city before the end of the day.

It was with some great excitment when we awoke, for we are going to dress up in traditional garb for the day! Though somehow we woke up abit later than anticipated, the (irritating) crowd at the boutique delayed our day's adventure which saw us strolling uphill to the famous Kiyomizu-dera, down the three-year (sannen-zaka) and two-year (ninen-zaka) slopes and then on to the Gingakuji (Silver Pavilion) and Kinkakuji (Golden Pavilion). By the time we finished, it was already late afternoon so we decided to go explore the Yasaka shrine, also known as Gion-sha (it is representative of the Gion District) and the Matsuri (Festival) there, watching the lighting up of the lantern offerings before we trudged back to the boutique. But not before stopping by the hostel for some private photo shoots of our elaborate costumes.

Having shed ourselves of the somewhat restrictive clothing, it felt good to be walking freely again and not confined by the clothing (and wooden sandles!) so we made a trip down to Gion again, hoping to try our luck at getting a glimpse of the Geikos and Maikos. A pleasant surprise awaited us as a Geiko and Maiko we had been observing from a teahouse came out upon invitation by the guests they had been entertaining! Before long, a large crowd had gathered and the duo could be heard in a semi-pleading voice for their mama-san, who was gamely smiling nearby! After we left the scene, we bumped into yet another Maiko! How lucky were we that night?

Japan Yokoso 2010! Part 1

2010-04-19T01:01:00.009+08:00

Konnichiwa minna! Ogenki desu ka?

Back from a refreshing and memorable (and somewhat exhaustive) trip back to the Land of the Rising Sun, it's time to get back to work and post some updates (groan~).

It's my first venture to the kansai region and only my second trip to Japan and have been looking forward to this so much because of the company I'll be keeping and also the promise of spectacular scenary of the cherry blossoms in full bloom among the backdrop of majestic castles and ancient pagodas.

Because of the relatively high cost of the JR-pass, we opted to save some money by purchasing a 7-day pass instead of the entire 14-day and in doing so, we opted to take the overnight bus to Kansai. So having landed, we headed off to Ueno to soak in the blossoms for fear the rains of previos days have dampened the view but I was not disappointed as rows and rows of thick blooms lined the walkway.

Waiting for the night bus at the bus stop is not exactly a pleasant experience, given that the winds were bone-chilling and temperatures were low. We toughed it out and boarded the bus and slumbered our way down to Kyoto (since we couldn't get a ride to Osaka). It was not a pleasant sleep though but it was adequate for me as we reached Kyoto in the morning and proceeded to catch a train to Osaka after washing up. We reached our hostel somewhat pooped and slept till late afternoon before heading out for Dotombori. It was in here I managed to get a nice maid suit for a really nice price and also introduced (and hooked) to the Calpis soda water....

The next day, we ambled down to the Shitennoji temple and then a brief stop at Osaka castle. It was already late afternoon but we didn't stick around for long before heading off to the Osaka Aquarium and then an evening walk down the Pombashi area. Day 4 saw us on the special express train to Himeji, fingers crossed that the renovation works have not yet begun in earnest. It paid off handsomely with a virtual unobstructed view of the White Heron and it was as magnificent as the pictures. Apart from the 2 hour long queue to get into the dongon, it was every bit enjoyable with a local troupe of Samurai dress-ups "accompanying" us out of the grounds lined with blossoms.

Evening saw us back for another quick stop at Pombashi but there was hardly time to shop around since the shops all close at 8pm. Thus ended our stay in Osaka.

Big load off the shoulders for now

2010-03-21T22:46:00.003+08:00

Back in green for the first time in more than a year and it was not exactly a good feeling. Not that there was any "defects" in the uniform but the thought of being "interned" does not bring about scenes of joy or celebration. Yes, it is the dreaded in-camp training...

The guys were pretty much in the same mood as I was but we pretty much cheered each other up with our usual bantering over tea. For this in-camp, we were going to go through the Army Training Evaluation Course Stage 1. It consist of a series of technical tests and small unit evaluation exercises.

The only good thing about this whole period was the proximity of the camp to a special someone, making my nights off extra special. After several months, I'm still dealing with the fact that I'm no longer the single care-free boy anymore but I enjoyed every moment of it, well maybe not much the down moments but it's mostly up anyway.

Clearly I've inherited a very good group of guys who know what needs to be done without me having to lift much of a finger or voice. So naturally, every one of us did our best for the tests for the first week and we managed to get a high rating. The second week was to be a frustrating one as it was physically tiring (even though it was a much shorter distance than a full exercise) and it had to rain whenever I was out there! I find comfort in the fact that I was able to finally pay a visit to the area where I spent ten years of my life, growing up climbing trees and playing in the dirt. I barely recognised the place but the main roads hasn't changed much since we were relocated from the place.

The group did our best and we were left biting our nails about the rest of the unit but we pulled through with a good performance and scored a high rating for stage 1. It was sweet relief to finish this in-camp training and get back to my life over the weekend but then again, I'm not exactly looking forward to going back to work....

The writer is looking forward to something that's going to happen in a very short while...

I'm only human

2010-02-28T23:50:00.000+08:00

I am not a perfect being. I have flaws, issues, emotions and, to a lesser extent, sudden outbursts.

To what I know of myself so far, my greatest flaws has always been my jealousy. As of now I still have yet to fully curb nor completely control it, but I have been able to keep it wrapped up behind a stone wall. It is not something I am proud of as it sometimes do get the better of me.

Then, there have been times when I open up and let slip some comment that was probably inappropriate. This has led to several uncomfortable moments before and it never felt good at all, even if the other party brushes it off. Times like this make me want to clamp up and withdraw back to the shell for fear of making matters worse than they already are but I know that by doing that, things will still get worse. What a choice between a rock and hard place.

Perhaps I should take it easy from now on instead of being too hard on myself. Afterall, friction is part and parcel in everyday life and it shouldn't grind things down to a halt. I have always believed that communications make a well-oiled machine so I feel strongly about talking things out to sort out the issues. I'm not Mr Perfect or Superman. I'm just a normal human being who's trying his best to make his special someone feel just that. Special.

The writer has no wish to argue or provoke a sustained tension. He may appear to be a pacifist but he really doesn't like to lose control over himself or show his fighting side.

Happy Birthday Girl

2010-02-18T23:50:00.001+08:00

Even though I have the excuse to lump it together with Valentine's, I opted to take the opportunity to remind you how much you mean to me.

Due to the tight schedule, I was only able to scoot down to grab a box of your favourite Royces' chocolates in order to meet up at the designated time, so as not to ruin the surprise. Sorry if the chocolates and the ensuing ice cream treat was not up to expectations (coz Tiffany's is just too unrealistic right now :p)

Anyway, many happy returns. :)

Taking flight

2010-02-13T10:00:00.006+08:00

Dear all, the past two years of this series of entries have been a tumultous time, from having to deal with the pain of loss to finding happiness in simple things in live.

For me personally, it was already rock bottom with the passing of my beloved Mother but I went underground when I voluntarily exiled myself from the love of my life. It was a painful period to deal with but writing brought a little solace during those dark times, hoping for the words to get through to her somehow.

From there on, I managed to painfully dig myself out from the rut and started moving along again. It was somewhat of a surprise when my Angel came back to me again out of the blue. It wasn't all starry-eyed as we were both wary of each other and we came together on a cautious note. Perhaps not exactly the best of starts but by treating her as I've always meant to broke the wall between us, to the extent of giving her toothaches for being "too sweet".

So here we are at last, side by side, holding hands. And flying together like there's no tomorrow.

The writer is relieved to have his better half by his side at last. He also wishes to thank everyone who's been reading his entries, especially those who have supported him all this while.

Beware of the Leadershit

2010-02-10T15:41:00.005+08:00

Leaders are people who lead. Often through showing exemplary acts or making good decisions for the group or organisation to move forward towards their objectives (Are you referring to me? - Ed)

Regular change in top management is good in that it allows for fresh blood and new ideas, and a way for the middle and junior management to move up. But sometimes, change is not for the better as one often hopes for (This is starting to sound like an Obama critique - Ed).

It's been more than a month from the incident and we're still dealing with the fall-out that arose from it. It is now that our "enthusiasm" for the new management becomes strained and, I dare say, degenerated into discontent and even contemptuous. Reason being that instead of observing and correcting the rot, we have been continuously tasked to paper over the cracks and put up a grand show to say that all is well in the organisation.

Yes, so all is good here. Nothing to fix within so now we're suppose to fix elsewhere. So now we're expected to be holding the hands of industry players who come in purely for profit and not keen to contribute to the industry? It is a well-known fact that agriculture is a risky venture at the mercy of economic and natural factors so when something goes wrong, we're responsible for it? And why are we going to have to be responsible for incompetant businessmen out to make a quick buck when they clearly know nuts about this industry? I don't recall getting a share of the profits when the going was good for them.

It can be so frustrating when senior management goes along with it, wanting to appear generous (whatever). Maybe you can't blame the rookie Chief since the chief is new and more or less knows nuts about our work anyway. Maybe we shouldn't be blaming the in-coming cronies who know nuts about this as well. As long as we all do our bit to put up a good show for the public, they get their obscene pay raise. Guess who's stuck with all the dirty work?

The writer is not a fan of idiots, nor is he tolerant of stupidity. Throw in incompetance to see his reaction.

Leaving the forest for one tree

2010-02-05T23:07:00.010+08:00

Updates and entries have slowed down quite a bit recently haven't it? (No, it's not as if we're paying you to slack your time away. -Ed) Everything has been well and good, saved for a few more white hair coming into existence... (it's called aging. - Ed)

I have read with interest several poor souls out there who suffered the same relationship problems I had, falling for someone they shouldn't have. The typical love-triangles or secret admirers gig in regular soaps or dramas. Though I can't say the end results will all be the same, I find the disparaging remarks by many commentors hard to swallow.

Granted there have been a fair amount of positive advice and encouragement for the poor guys (yeah, appears that guys suffer from this more often). However, the general advice of the crowd appears to keep away from such relationships for fear of ending up hurt. I can attest to the hurt part, especially so when you know there isn't much hope. I am however left peeved by the most (over-rated) analogies many people love to use.

"Why give up the entire forest for just one tree?" or "The ocean is full of fish"

Has it occurred to you simpletons that love is one of the most powerful emotions in our mind? I think the only other one should be rage. Why powerful? Try thinking straight when you're under the influence of these two emotions.

Rather than try to possess the entire forest or consume all the ocean's fish, I'm content with finding my tree or fish. One that I'd enjoy tending to everyday, instead of wandering around aimlessly. What good is an entire forest that you can't focus on all the trees and they eventually die away, leaving you with nothing in the end. Being a simple guy, I'd prefer to find my tree to nurture and tend to. So for all you guys out there who share this dilemma, go forth and pursue your dreams. You might just have your dreams realised.

The writer is currently still wearing that silly grin on his face. Time to give him a whack on the head - Ed

Absence makes the heart feel like hell

2010-01-18T22:55:00.006+08:00

First post into the new year. The work issues are dying down though the specter and the ramifications are still lurking. Sweet relief touched down at the airport on the 4th and I must say it's good to see her after what seemed like an eternity.

This whole work business has made me miss my dearest so sorely that I negotiated and bargained with my boss to be given the day off just to head to the airport to pick her up. Originally slated to arrive in the early evening (hence the need to take the day off) it turns out the flight was delayed. This ought to be the one and only time I won't curse a flight delay.

So there I was, waiting at the arrival hall without letting her know. All the while afraid to move off for fear of missing her if I were to go someplace else. It was such sweet relief to finally see her appear from the corridors and I hope she had a pleasant surprise to see me there. At the same time, I think I surprised her travelling companions as well.

The effect of her presence or absence was very profound, as I found out during the crisis period at work. I sorely missed her words of comfort and teasing. If she wants to, she can never fail to perk me up when I feel down. To call her my Angel is not an understatement because not alot of people can have that effect on me.

She does have her flaws occassionally though I have always weathered through them. It's all part and parcel of being together with someone other than yourself or family. We are finally at this stage after close to 5 years of waiting and hoping, I have no intention of screwing things up. I have finally found my other wing.

The writer is still in the midst of handling a crisis at work but he appreciates the effort and the occassional (NON-WORK-RELATED) messages he recieves from her. Domo arigatou gozaimasu! Best of luck for your exams!

MMIX

2009-12-31T22:04:00.002+08:00

And here we have it, an end to another year and what a way to end it.

I have been dragged out of my vacation leave and have been working overtime for the past 6 days, including New Year's eve. It's also another working day tomorrow too and possibly for the next few days too.

It simply pisses me off that extra work keeps streaming in just because the big boss wants to show some form of generosity. I may sound heartless but to state a cold hard fact very clearly, dealing with live organisms is never a bed of roses. You cannot expect every venture to have huge rewards without taking the risks into consideration. C'est le vie.

My colleagues and I ended our eve by fooling around in office while we wait for the meeting by our senior management to end.

Looking back, it has been a fairly lousy year with only minor glimmers to be found. The only star light I found promptly disappeared for the rest of the year and in the meantime, a long-anticipated trip next year appears to be in tetters as it seems that I have been played out.

What a way to end and begin a year. Having that little bit of starlight around will probably help...

The writer has been sporting the stone-face look for the last few days now and is likely to look even more glum as the next anticipated wave of shit is about to hit the fan...

It's not complicated

2009-12-21T19:02:00.005+08:00

Alright people. I haven't been updating as often as I would like due to some work issues. During that time, there has been some developments in some aspects that somehow leaves me wondering if it was for the better or for worse.

Now for the better part of December (and late November), I've been running around quite a bit in preparation of a Ministerial visit and since the boss is conviniently out of country for that period, it's up to us (mainly myself) left to run the show. Why me? Let's see, my more senior colleague is busy with his family and housing issues, plus he got sent to represent the organisation at an overseas event. Colleagues from the other branch who are involved as well are busy with other things. So mainly it's left to me to attend planning trips with the management and than plan for the actual events.

All went well except for the constant changes to the program and the bad weather hampering our construction and rehearsals but we took it in stride. However, Murphy's Law came into effect when the actual show started. I shall not elaborate but it left us very much disappointed. Add to the frustration was the quarrelsome pair of colleagues that was evident for all to see. Being the senior officer left in office that day, I promptly dragged them into room when we cleared the stuff and sat down for some clear-the-air talks.

All in all this was a thankless job. All the shit goes to us and non of the hardwork behind the scenes will ever be acknowledged. But having told my worrying boss to go enjoy her holiday and leave the rest to us, I held my word. To have kept my integrity was the small bit of light in that dark period.

So after that tiring period, I finally had a breakthrough on my personal front. Having been bashing my head against the brick wall for so long, against all advice and common sense, the brick wall finally broke. Even so, I'm still left with a very bloodied head. Some ask me what compelled me to carry on with a seemingly futile exercise? Why do I persist in my stubborness? I can only give a blank stare, because if it happens, it's well worth the effort. Now that it has happened, I'm at a loss as to what to do!

Funny isn't it? The things I do sometimes defies logic, probably even insane (try jumping off a fully functioning aeroplane up in the air with nought but some strings and a piece of cloth on your back). It points to a very complex and crazy mindset. It's not complicated really, pure and simple. It's just me.

The writer is currently enjoying that small bit of a break for the year end before the madness resumes. New Year resolutions will have to wait.

Interview with a Celebrity

2009-11-28T00:56:00.004+08:00

Just the other day there was this big hoo-ha about some celebrity being snobbish or "disconnected" during interviews. Let's take a peek at me appearing on Entertainment Tonight (E!).

E: Hello and welcome to the show

Angel: Thank you, I can't say I'm glad to sacrifice my spare time to be here but my publicity manager forced me to.

E: I'm sorry but we'll try to make this worth your time.

A: Ok, maybe I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry but shall we proceed?

E: Sure, what do you think of your latest role in the upcoming blockbuster?

A: My producers would like me to say that it's a very defining role that they created for me but personally I think the character is pretty messed up with the way he does things.

E: But isn't this role suppose to revive your stagnant career?

A: Yeah it may but then again, at the end of the day it's just a job. I do what my employers tell me to do. I don't ask to be held up for worship, hell I don't even need that much money.

E: Oh dear, is that why you've been playing the philanthropist to many major charities worldwide?

A: I do what I can. Beats having those fakes who pay lip service about doing their bit and encouraging others who earn less than 1% of their own paycheck to chip in.

E: We applaud you for that. Moving on to your personal life and gossips, how do you feel being on the wrong side of 30 and still single? Are you actively looking for a partner?

A: 30 is kind of a bad time when things start to go downhill for you and you feel it. On one hand it sucks to be single because of the stigma and pressure from others. On the other hand, it feels much better to have more control over the things you wanna do. And no, I am not seeing anyone special at the moment, despite what the tabloids have been trying to cook up.

E: But do you have plans to settle down and start a family eventually? Do you have a particular eye out for someone at the moment?

A: Now if I were just some average Joe sitting here, I'd probably go "Mind your own f***in' business" *chuckle* but yeah, it's be great to settle down eventually. I do have some interest in a few names in my black book if that's the juicy bit you were looking for.

E: Last question. Beauty pageants all wish for World Peace, what do you wish for?

A: Hmmm, how bout a gorgeous interviewer instead? But seriously, I wish those a**holes (paparazzis) out there would get a decent job and David (Letterman) not make jokes at my expense. Oh, and an agent with more wit and a brain. MJ, Rest in Peace bro! G'night all you kind folks!

The writer is glad he's not a celebrity though he doesn't mind the obscene paychecks. He just can't stand the flies and vultures that gather around. He aslo wish to state that this is all in jest and should not be taken seriously.

Climax or is it Anti?

2009-11-25T01:09:00.007+08:00

Two days after an intensive week that saw me scrambling to do some rescue touch-ups on my model kit en-route to the competition finals site, helping with the packing and unpacking of stores, waking up in the early mornings throughout the weekend.... you get the picture.

So there I was, scheduled to pick up my model kit from the display cabinet of Takashimaya shopping centre and transport it to the site of the finals. Horror of horrors when I inspected the piece and found some cracks in the base! So quietly, I packed it up and good thing the workshop is along the way so I stopped by and some frantic work ensued before I walked over to the convention centre and then spent another 10 to 20 minutes figuring out the best placement with respect to the lighting in the display cabinet. After that, I spent almost the rest of my evening helping out to unpack at a friend's booth nearby.

Day 1 of the Anime Festival Asia 2009. I met up with an old acquaintance of almost a decade now. Kaika would be one of the cosers under my charge that day and of all the characters, had to be one that many of people are familiar with (and young boys drooling after... kekeke) - Souryu Asuka Langley. Kinda big turn off for the day was the crowd and the noise, not to mention the swarm of "flies" that were following Danny around.

Then there was star attraction Shoko-tan (Shoko Nakagawa) walking around in the hall while all the attraction was on the cosers at our booth! I didn't know who she was until I asked someone about the Japanese girl walking around with a few people and a cameraman in tow. Still clueless as to my role? I'm in charge of guarding the cosers at our booth and also limit access through the designated exit. Which worked pretty well when Danny went in to discuss some things with the boss and I take pleasure in shutting out those flies. Ended the day with an aching back and sore feet from standing the whole day!

Day 2 and it was a bad start. Just as I was about to park the car in the lot, my car died and I can't get it to start due to a dead battery. Had to push the car into a parking lot and call up for reinforcements. The crowd wasn't that bad for the day since most of them already snatched most of the hotter shirt designs anyway. Danny's wandering around out of his armour today and surprise surprise, not many flies in sight. A good thing I brought my camera today so before the flies appear, I managed to exchange name cards with him and had a mug shot with him. Then its a group shot of the gang that I never had a chance to capture the day before.

Pretty much more to do today with the car and all. First, had to linger around to wait for the Bandai Action Kit Universal Competition prize presentation and photo taking before rushing back to the parking lot with a friend to jump start the car and pass the keys to my dad. Then back to work. In the midst of everything, along came Mizuki Ichirou aka Aniki. Another famous anime singer doing a walkabout. The thing about Aniki-san is he's super friendly and obliges everyone who asks to be photographed with him. I got my chance and together we struck up his favourite pose for the camera.

Towards the end, with camera in hand, I prowled around the area taking shots of various cosers and even had the opportunity to take a group shot with some maids from the Moe moe Kyun Maid Cafe who were wandering around. It's all good folks. Last shot was of a neko-chan before its back to frantic packing up for the end of the event, collect my model and prize before heading back for dinner with the group.

Then along came Monday.... and a bout of common cold.... tchoo!

The writer was tire out from the 2 days and had a good time with his group of friends. Monday was a drag and Tuesday was a bore because of the illness. Thank goodness its a 4 day week....

Back to work

2009-11-17T20:15:00.002+08:00

How is everybody? Coming back from a 2 month hiatus (Read: AWOL!! - Ed), the traveller fatigue is somewhat gone although I could always use more breaks. My mind's somewhat cleared by now and I'm just about ready to give up chasing shadows.

Ever since my last entry, I have been piling in a fair bit of energy into completing my piece for the (somewhat) gala competition for the year. The annual Bandai Asia Universal Kit Competition (BAKUC for short) and managed to complete it to a somewhat satisfactory level just before the submission deadline. The bad news is, the worse is yet to come. The stress was simply too much to handle as the piece is placed on display among so many other nicely done pieces. The stress is not in the expectation of my own but rather the feeling of inadequacy among so many pros. This should be the first and last time I'm going to be doing something like this again.

Work-wise, managed to settle some heavyweight issues, really heavy one at that. Although the weather does seem to get on my nerves. If it isn't one thing, it's usually the other. Then there's the disparaging remarks from some friends of my colleagues about me being an otaku. He had been trying to introduce me to some of his Japanese friends (females of course) ever since he knew I was into their culture and all. From what I heard, the first question out of their mouths when my colleague mentioned I do models was, yup: OTAKU? As if it's a disease or illness. Fine. I could do without company that shows such disdain for a largely misunderstood hobby. Try turning $50 worth of plastic into something worth over $200. Would you even pay over $500 for a "TOY"?

Anyway, I finally got my hands on the CD I was hunting for. Apparently only HMV carries it and they had been out of stock for the last 3 to 4 times I was down to ask for it. It may just be a soundtrack for a movie but the instrumental scores are really phenomenal and I'll certainly be playing this for my car rides.

The writer is still trying to ease the tension within his body as he quietly awaits the year-end break that is to come.

Welcome to Taiwan (Pt 3) - Rumble in the (Concrete) Jungle

2009-09-03T00:00:00.000+08:00

Amidst the wake of the devastation, we kept on moving as we headed back to the capital...

Day 7 Another early day as we checked out of the "Surf and Shack", headed to the bus terminal only to learn there wasn't any buses to and from Kaoshiung. We were forced to take a cab. It was with some disappointment that I leave Kenting without revisiting many of the places. Back in Kaoshiung, its another zip down the MTR to Zhuoying before hopping on the train bound for Taipei. The ticket we paid through the automatic dispenser was quite a fair bit and we only found out it was an express train with only 2 stops along the way. We reached Taipei before noon and after a brief confusion, managed to locate our hostel, settled our bags and be on our way again.

We first headed out for lunch at yet another Maid Cafe, the Fatimaid. The place wasn't all that great but it was a decent setting so no complaints though. A quick lunch and its off to check out the underground mall before heading to the Presidential Building and the Chiang Kai Shek Memorial Hall, where we witnessed the retiring of the guards for the day. We then made our way to the Shihda Night Market (师大夜市), which failing to impress, saw us moving off to another part of the city for some okonomiyaki. Then a short trip to take in the Taipei 101 building at night.

Day 8 Morning saw us setting off to Jiantan (剑潭) to catch a bus to the Yangmingshan (阳明山) National Park. We had absolutely no idea how huge the place was and no idea where to start, so we ended up taking a coach and stopped at a spot, which name I forgot, and did some hiking trying to make it up a peak of something. Instead, it brought us to some scenic spots but not to any peaks. Still, the air was fresh with the only complaint being the heat and the humidity. By midday, we were on our way back to the hostel for a shower before heading to a restaurant nearby that specialises in Unagi dishes for lunch. By the time we finished, it started raining so we caught a cab to the local equivalent of our Sim Lim Square for some shopping (comics and games galore!) before heading back to the underground mall (still raining so its the cab again) for some exploration. That was where we had tea at the Maiden Diner, a train station-themed Maid cafe. After which we made our way to the Shilin Night market (士林夜市), which was bustling with activity and the stench of Fermented Beancurds... It was here that we both got into a little argument over some misunderstanding.

Day 9 We split up with me heading to the Sun Yat Sen Memorial Hall early in the morning and then to the Taipei 101. It was too early and only the offices were starting to open so I went off to the Martyr's Shrine across the city and was just in time to catch a change of guard ceremony take place. Then a quick trip to the Chiang Kai Shek Residence (士林宫邸) and the Taipei Astronomical Museum before going back to the Maiden Diner for lunch (I like the ambiance there). Can you believe it that I actually got the same seat as the day before even though the place was quite packed?

Afternoon saw me up the Taipei 101 at last but just what is it with me, tall towers and rain? The scenery was not that great but at least the rain wasn't over me (yet) as I crossed over to the WTC exhibition hall where they happened to be having the Taipei Comics Convention! Lucky me as I got some comics, 2 posters and some nice shots of the cosplayers manning the booths. It's nice that most of them are friendly and obliging whenever anyone asks for a photoshoot.

Day 10 Another day on my own as Ximending (西门町) turned out to open late as well. As soon as it opened, I was checking out the 5 floors of Animate, buying some comics and then its off to the Cosplay Cafe next door (Cafe Cosic) for some lunch. After dropping off my purchases in the room, I tried navigating to the computer mall to make some more purchases (some comics and a H-game too) before ending the day packing up the bags.

Day 11 A quick excursion in the morning trying to find some mangoes (don't ask) at the nearby distributor market and then its off to the airport. I had mixed feelings about leaving the place and coming back home. It's been quite nice being disconnected from the world I was living in before and I sure didn't feel like reconnecting. Perhaps its the travellers' fatigue as I ended up having the couldn't-care-less feeling for quite a while (even now I still feel vestiges of it). My carefree world came crashing down when the workweek started...

The writer is slowly recovering from the crash and the depression. He still feels the urge to uproot and leave this place and disappear for an extended period. Donations are most welcomed.

Welcome to Taiwan (Pt 2) - Nature's Wrath

2009-09-02T00:00:00.000+08:00

Day 3 The approach of Typhoon Morakot was felt throughout the day with strong erratic winds, short bursts of rainfall and clouds all going in one direction. We practically spent the entire day in our room watching cable TV.

Day 4 The typhoon made landfall sometime in the pre-dawn hours and we found ourselves in ankle-deep of water as the drainage at our hostel got clogged. We got it good since many places either had landslides, waist-high floods or houses flattened by the strong winds. Must be a blessing to have planned our itinerary to make the most of what would have been a disastrous trip.

Day 5 The slowing of the typhoon overland eventually saw it leaving the island in the early morning. The skies still bore the dark clouds but we started out to the National Museum of Marine Biology and Aquarium. I had been here previously during our RnR 9 years back and the place was just completed then. As there were no bus services running, we decided to try walking to take in the view of the countryside as well as the devastation caused. Somewhere a few clicks North of Town, a driver offered to drive us further up the road to where he was going and we hitched a ride. Along the way, when he learnt of our destination, he was aghast and warned us of the distance, and then proceeded to offer to drive us there. It was all good and we paid him NT$400 for his trouble. The Aquarium had undergone an expansion with a new building housing samples from around the world. The winds were still strong and the surf was terrible (the museum was near the coast) and we spotted a marooned ship on the shoreline as we made our way to the new annex. I could hardly remember what was inside back then but looking at the fish and animals in the tanks filled me with joy and wonder (sorry but I have never been to the local Underwater World yet). When it was time for us to return, we found ourselves slightly stranded since the fella from earlier was too busy to come pick us up (we were gonna pay of course...) so I dragged my buddy along the route and tried to hitch a ride while walking down. We got lucky when a car picked us up and he was on his way to Hengchun as well. All's well that ends well with the rest of the day mucking around the room minus some cable channels due to the lost transmissions.

Day 6 We were originally scheduled to leave for Alishan (阿里山) but our plans literally got washed out due to the extent of damage caused to the mountainous regions so we tried picking up the places in Kenting we were not able to visit due to the typhoon. Our first stop in the morning was the east coast area of Jialeshui (佳乐水). A coastal area with many strange rock formations. Initially we tried looking for a waterfall that was supposedly there but couldn't find it. Instead we spotted yet another marooned ship on our walk northwards along the track strewn with mud and debris. We spent slightly less than 2 hours there, wandering among the rocks and taking photos before we head back to town for lunch and then another bus direct for Oluanpi (鹅銮鼻), the Southernmost tip of the island. Unfortunately, the place was still closed due to the typhoon in spite of the hot sun. I ended up buying some souvenirs before taking the bus to see the famous sail rock (船帆石). From a certain angle, the damn rock really did look like Richard Nixon. Then, in the stifling humidity, we made our way to Kenting town, missed the bus (when it refused to stop after we tried flagging it down) and caught a cab back to town where we spent the night packing up. It was disappointing that we had to miss out visiting Oluanpi and Maobitou (猫鼻头) but I think it had been a nice experience to be back for a visit to the places and fulfilling that desire.

The writer is still sorting through the photos so please be patient.

Welcome to Taiwan (Pt 1) - Return to the 9-year-old "Crimescene"

2009-09-01T00:00:00.005+08:00

About time I made an entry about my recent return down memory lane, albeit with a twist. I am backdating the entry as well. Instead of an earthquake, my return to Formosa (Taiwan) is now a category 2 typhoon.

Day 1 We reached Taoyuan International and promptly caught the bullet train (高铁) to ZhuoYing station (左营) before catching the MTR to Kaoshiung city, where we "checked" into this apartment. I'd rave about the place but it'll take up too much space (but if you're keen to know, drop me a note). We then went in search of the maid cafe to pay a little visit. After stumbling on a few anime stores, we finally found the place. A quiet and cosy spot called the Tokuyomi@Kaoshiung. The girls were friendly (and cute!), service was excellant and the menu was rather creative too (oh, and the food was not bad. Local flavour with a dash of Japanese). After dinner, we went off to the famous Liuhe night market (六合夜市) and then spent the rest of the night watching cable TV while savouring our first chicken cutlets (香鸡耙) and fruit tea.

Day 2 Early day as we caught a bus and headed down to Hengchun (恒春), an old city which I had been to previously back in 2000 when I was sent here for training. Along the way, there were many familiar sights such as the betelnut stalls (minus the girls now). We reached the town around noon where we suddenly became lost since there was no readily available map of the area. It took us a while before we found our lodging, a nice hostel called the "Surf and Shack". Once we're done settling our stuff, we grabbed our cameras put on our hiking shoes (well, maybe just me) and hit the road, road 200 that is. The area was once my "playground" when I was here for training, so coming back has always been a dream because of the sights that we could not experience properly as a soldier.

Along the road just a few hundred metres out from the town's East gate, we came by Chu Huo (出火) a site with fires sustained by an upwelling of natural gas. Apparently the place sort of shifted nearer to the town based on my memory. Further down the road, we came to this restaurant that I've been dying to go to. Why? Nine years ago, during a certain Exercise R** B****, my team stopped by this restaurant and had a meal (illegally of course) at the rear of the building enroute to our final checkpoint up the mountainous range called Chi Niu Ling (赤牛岭). It was forbidden to bring any currency (or have any contact with the locals) during the exercise but as you know, us boys being boys, ahem ahem. We're not the first and we're definitely not the last. Unfortunately, they were not opened for business for a while, most a pity.

Moving on, we reached the county border of Manzhou (满洲) and my aim was to visit the famous Chikong waterfalls (七孔瀑布), a series of 7 consecutive waterfalls at the base of the imposing Laofuoshan (老佛山). Although the road towards the falls was a gradual gentle upslope route, it tire us out quickly, partly due to the long walk all the way from Hengchun (about 10 to 14km to reach the route). By the time we reached the carpark gateway, my buddy gave up so it was up to me to make the journey of another few hundred metres to reach the base of the falls. I had to trek into the sparse forest area and negotiate a few streams before I reached the base of the first fall. The subsequent climb up to the other falls had to be done with the aid of ropes and trees. The weather was slowly but surely turning bad with the on-coming typhoon and the slopes were slippery enough to make me give up after reaching the 3rd fall.

It was rather disappointing but we hurriedly made our way back to the main road to catch the bus back to town and the hostel. It was only that night when we switched on the TV that we found out the inbound Morakot, scheduled to make landfall the next day. All along we had thought the strong winds we felt during our hike was a natural occurrence as I had felt such winds when I was last here.

The writer will not be showing any photos in the next few entries as he is still trying to finish sorting and labelling the hundreds he took. Photos will be posted up in chronological order which can be followed along with these entries on his facebook site.

And now a word from our sponsors....

2009-08-24T00:38:00.002+08:00

The writer is currently on extended "vacation". His contributions will be back once the editor can manage to locate his whereabouts.

That kind of time

2009-07-24T15:21:00.004+08:00

By all accounts, this has been a fairly bad week. I'm getting bald, fat and grumpy....

Well, not really but it has been a lousy week starting from day one. Even before work started, I had a call from my boss, berating me for some fault or mistake that was somehow not mine.

Being in the midst of Monday blues and compounded by the morning irritation, I nearly blew my top when it was implied that everything was due to my incompetence. I barely was able to regain control when I tersely semi-shouted back through the phone. With that, the mood was more or less soured.

That same afternoon, I picked up an injury while doing work. I think I overstrained a tendon in my hand as I felt the twinge and till today, my middle knuckle still hurts when I exert it. Even the simplest force rendered from pulling something causes a sharp pain to shoot up the arm.

Then, it rained on my parade. Well, not literally my parade but you get the drift. I had been hoping to catch another partial solar eclipse but after bright sunny starts to the previous few days, it chose to pour on that day. I noticed that this tends to happen almost everytime there's something to see up there. I guess the tag of Rainman is not too far-fetched. I feel for those in Shanghai too.

Worse still, I just got notified that my income tax has doubled as compared to the previous year. This is in spite of my pay NOT doubling and no mid-year bonus to cover it. Plus now I'm saddled with paying the bills since my dad got hospitalised. At least his ok now and recuperating at a relative's place. Money goes out faster than you can save up doesn't it?

So here we are. Thank goodness it's Friday. I'm still feeling prickly and edging for a fight. Of course, I blame it all on a DVD marathon of House M.D. Season 3. So if you're at the receiving end so far, take this back with you: I can be a jerk to people I haven't slept with. I am that good.

The writer is currently in the midst of going through a fat novel with itty-bitty print. Season 4 of House beckons him from the corner of his shelf.

Burning red ears

2009-07-10T15:06:00.005+08:00

It's not easy lending a listening ear, much less when you have issues of your own that's bugging you. For the past few weeks, I find myself sandwiched in the middle, Having my ears pulled and pulling someone else's ears.

Pretty much the entire issue has to do with the fickle-mindedness of a certain group of people (READ: WOMEN). For my own case, it's not so much any development or change in the status quo, rather it was my boss and the numerous schedule conflicts between my job and other "assigned" (arrowed) activities.

On the other side, I have a girl whom I met some time back from the online portal of the dating agency. She had just rebuffed a get-back-together attempt by, guess who, a former colleague of mine. Due to confidentiality issues, I shall not discuss this any further as it is against ethics to discuss personal issues of others in depth. The sharp knives would probably want to jump at the chance to draw parallels and cut me open anyway.

It was pretty straight forward at first until I was asked for advice. Not blowing my own trumpet here but usually I gave quite logical advice for various situations BUT for some unknown reasons, people tend to never take them. You can blame me for not taking my own advice but as of late, the last laugh seems to be from my end (metaphorically speaking of course, I don't laugh at other people's problems). Hey, if you don't want to take my advice, don't ask for it. If you do, be prepared to let me indulge in the "I told you so" moment.

Listening ears are hard to come by. I was lucky to have a good friend who takes it all in (and dishing some out). I can understand how frustrating it can be when you have to talk to someone and things are just too personal to publish online (even if access is limited). For those I do not turn to, it's not because of trust issues but more of the lack of situational awareness and interest I sense. To put it more bluntly, either you have zero experience to help, can't be arsed or can't wait to see me fail. I get emo, I feel angst, I'm still human. Thank you for all who cared instead of telling me to sod off.

The writer has managed to restart the rusty clockwork in his head of some future plans. He is looking forward to a trip that has been in the works for the last 8 years.

Michael Jackson (1958 - 2009)

2009-06-30T22:00:00.006+08:00

For a while I've been resisting my urge to write this down. It's hard to make this not sound like another regretful tribute to the passing of a great artiste, neither would I claim to be a great fan. The passing of Michael Jackson was a shock to all of us as many of us were eagerly waiting for his final curtain performances in his final tour.

I seriously did not harbour much hope of ever seeing him perform live but nevertheless, his music was the reason why I even listened to music. I can still remember singing to his tunes before my voice broke in my younger years. Sometimes I wonder if the strain actually caused my voice to break instead of puberty.

His moves enthralled me as much as his songs, many of us emulating them. I can more or less attribute many of my worn out soles to doing his signature moonwalks on the hard concrete school floor. Aching toes doing the tip-toe stand and convulsing shoulders (I don't really wanna go into that one). We tried everything saved for that gravity defying lean.

It was pretty sad seeing what happened to him when he started his fall. I honestly never believed he was guilty of all those charges brought upon him. Even though he was acquited after finally choosing to contest one of the many charges brought up, the media continued to lionised him as if he were guilty. I found it so sick and repulsive and was so disgusted that I refused to read anything the media wrote about him. It was only when his voice came up in an episode of the Simpsons while spending my time in Australia that brought all these memories back. I became a born-again MJ fan.

Now, with his passing. The media has once again reared its ugly head. I am choosing to ignore them yet again. The memory of the man and his music should remain untainted in all their glory. The voice and the moves may be gone forever but his memories and achievements shall live on forever in our hearts. Its the very least we could do.

The King is Dead. Long Live the King!

The Heat is On

2009-06-10T15:59:00.002+08:00

Boy has it been hot. The sweltering heat has been smelling like a piece of burnt meat and to a certain extent, the heat is going up to my head. For the last two or three days, it seems as if I could have blown up any time as patience desserted.

It wasn't entirely due to the heat though. True, one becomes easily irritable and short fused after spending hours on end working under the sun. The igniting point was the comments brought forth by the office-dwellers, the NATO (No Action Talk Only) group. I doubt I should go into the details since it'll simply degrade into a ranting session.

So here I am, day three of the week and starting to show signs of fatigue. It feels like the oozing of sweat also forces out the energy in your body. I guess now at least people get an idea on how the coral polyps around the world are feeling.

Moving on, I'm please to say I have cleared my hurdle for this year. After nearly missing out on my silver award yet again with a fault jump in my 2nd IPPT, I managed to squeeze the PTI for a compensating jump after telling him off that "I'm not here to pass the damn thing, I'm here to get my silver". And just to be on the safe side, I more or less aced the other stations saved for the 2.4km run, proof that I have what it takes to stay in good physical condition despite spending more time in front of the computer nowadays.

As for the rest of you who keep giving the "no time" excuse, you suck. Your body your life so I'm looking forward to humiliating you over your body shape if you intend to do nothing about it.

The writer is still on a short fuse. The men in white coats are on standby outside the door.

My take

2009-06-02T21:26:00.004+08:00

Recent events in the news:

Southeast Asia's most wanted criminal caught

If there was ever a national cover up of obvious proportions, this is it. Sure a damn convenient excuse to say he was being observed in order to capture the others. But when he was captured, were there any others? Trying to squirm from the fact that you fags don't even realised he was living right under your nose for the entire duration aren't you? I swear, the competence of your police officers should be your bigger worry, not JI members.

North Korea goes nuclear, fires missiles and threatens war

Insecurity? Feels more like impotence. This failed state behaves like a spoiled child throwing a tantrum when it doesn't get its way or is ignored altogether. I say, either grow up or just nuke the bastards to kingdom come.

GM goes bust

About time. This AMERICAN obsession with depleting the global oil supply as quickly as possible is going to kill us all. All that stored energy going to waste on inefficient and ridiculously big vehicles, belching out more carbon monoxide per mile and keeping the "American dream" alive. I say good riddance. And go suck a tree branch too Chrysler.

Global Pandemic

It's big, it's bad, it's harmless?! The H1N1 virus is actually weaker than normal flu?! So what's causing such a panic? Fear of death. Even though the US is a well-known hot spot, it's unbelievable that people are still stupid enough to be going there. Simply because these dumb pricks have that "it'll never happen to me" mentality. Now that they've brought it back home, I hope you're happy now.

17 year old model flees from husband, the prince of Kelantan, citing abuse

You're only 17 years old! Don't tell me you know what is love! Blinded by the glamour and the riches weren't you? Disappointed with the reality? You got what was coming you stupid bitch!

The writer wishes to reiterate that the views aired are his own and does not reflect the views of the general public, whom he thinks are a bunch of idiots anyway.

State of the Public Transport

2009-05-24T22:37:00.005+08:00

Have you ever dreaded taking public transport? Dreamt about owning your own car? How about a personal chauffer? Or more remotely, wished they somehow had perfected the transporter beam?

There are some among us who can afford but just won't find it economical to drive around. Then there are those who cannot afford buying a tyre without stressing out their budgets. The minority who can afford but chose not to for reasons other than economics, i.e. environmental, personal, etc.

One way or another, most of us are stuck with cramming up like sardines in public transport. I will narrate why I loathe the self-proclaimed "World-class" public transport. Come rush hour, you would be lucky enough to be able to step into either the train or bus. Sometimes it can be so crammed that you'd end up with your face in someone else's back, and still the people just keep cramming in!

Then there's the drivers with sh*t for brains, travelling at snail pace, picking up "phantom" passengers from deserted stops and stopping at green lights. I mean, where the heck do these people come from? Next are the other commuters that ruin your ride. The inconsiderate (or illiterate?) idiots who can't seem to get the idea the world doesn't revolve around them. I mean, is it that hard to stand aside for disembarking passengers? Can't understand why the escalators are jammed up? Chances are there's an idiot happily standing on the right/express lane. I mean come on! Even the less educated "ah-mahs" in HK can do better than you! And I haven't even got to those who "magically" fall asleep or become blind when an old lady or a pregnant one comes on board...

Just the other day on my way home, a man boarded a few stops after me and then occupied the seat beside mine. Then it hit me, right in the face. The stench of the dreaded Athlete's feet.... I was like "Whooooooooff.....!!!!! WTF!!!!". Are these people even aware of it? I guess they must take pleasure in conducting such chemical warfare on fellow commuters. By the time I disembarked, I felt like a Holocaust survivor....

Note to self, have a face mask ready in bag at all times.

Any bad personal experiences? Share them.

Minor ramblings on a sleepless night

2009-05-18T01:13:00.006+08:00

It's one of those nights plagued with insomnia and so here I am to summarise some thoughts of the events that have come to pass.

First up, there's the coup and counter-coup within a local organisation that has drama written all over it. Amidst all the big hoo-ha over the incident, I find it mildly amusing that a small organisation with a membership of 3000 (effectively less than that have voting rights) claiming to represent a 3-million size population. Sounds arrogant and elitist to me.

Now if we go deeper into this cesspool, we get to the mudslinging of claims and counter-claims (whoopee). Apparantly, it began with an issue with the "direction" (ahem ahem) the organistion has been gearing towards but in the end it mutated into an issue with secularism and "civil movement". It's all a farce and a damn big joke if you asked me. It is of no surprise to me that, after the counter-coup parties claimed "victory" in the name of "tolerance", a certain group organised a "support" event shortly after. If there was to be a "victory" parade, it's very subtle indeed.

On the flip side, after a roller-coaster season (the up has been good but the occassional down was too sttep for my liking), I can finally heave a sigh of relief as the championship has been sewn up. Making it even better was denying the arch-rival any further attempts to churn up their nonsense. Sure you've beaten us twice but what has that got you? I guess it's finally time for me to do the gloating huh? But don't worry, I'll hold it off for just another few more days before I finally let it rip. Having been at the recieving end of some rather unsavoury comments posted up in FB, I'll be civil enough so as not to drop to your level. Revenge is a dish best served cold indeed.

Finally, been busy working and working. Job and hobby. Yes yes, I know I spend too much free time either on my hobby or on the internet. I got hooked on a certain anime too, even though it's one year late but hey, at least I don't get the chance to splurge on related merchandise anymore. Lately, I think I'm displaying more and more of the otaku trait. i.e. buying/wearing anime related clothing, hanging toys on my bag, unveiling that gigantic framed wedding poster of my favourite character.... (yes yes, I'm not running from the fact that I'm still single and unwanted)

One last note. Here's a song found within that anime. I think I know a few people who will probably loathe this song if they knew what it is about. ;)

http://www.esnips.com/doc/0414489c-b97c-4b67-9a07-017d5667da64/01---Misoji-Misaki

The writer is still not able to sleep. That pile of comics in the corner is starting to look very tempting....

I need a break but not like this!

2009-05-12T18:44:00.003+08:00

Ever had one of those days where you did something against your better judgement and end up being a big loser? Yesterday for me was one of those days. I went to work despite harbouring an awesome headache.

Before you jumped to conclusions, this had nothing to do with the fact that it was a Monday, nor was it psychological. The pressure inside my head was really something and if not for the pills I popped, I could barely be standing up by mid-day. Now I'm not about to be endorsing any commercial products here but those pills were a life-saver.

For most of the day, I tried taking it easy with a persistent pain at the back of my head. Fueled entirely by caffeine and paracetamol. Knock off time couldn't have come any earlier as I withstood the torturous journey home on public transport. Again, instead of heading to see a physician, I decided to sleep it off. It didn't help as the headache persisted this morning. I took my first sick leave for the year after soldiering on for many similar occasions earlier on. So here I am, sleeping off the day at home without any signs of improvement as the pain continues to linger in the head but I must get back to work soon....

The writer doubts the situation will improve come morning and wishes to clarify that he is NOT a workaholic. Really.

Ode to my Mother

2009-05-10T00:21:00.003+08:00

I know you can no longer hear what I have to say, nor read what I write but I still will write this anyway. Ever since that dark drizzling night I have always felt the deep regrets of not having said what I needed to say.

The others are bound to start labelling me as mummy's boy but I know otherwise. What do they know about the loss of someone who has been a constant pillar of strength and support? How many of them have lost someone dearest to them, forever?

I hope you have gone in peace, free from the torture and burden of leaving us behind. All of us are more or less grown up by now and living fairly independent lives. We know we have caused you much grief throughout our lives and we hope you forgive us. I personally know I had not been up to your expectations since going from the top of the class to middle of the class mediocrity, culminating in the extreme disappointment of that certain period during secondary school.

Since that day, I had picked myself up and started climbing again. Although I could never climb to the level most parents would have wanted their kids, it was the way which I chose to go and I know you have always been supportive of that. I have always been grateful for your presence during the depressing periods I had to endure throughout my polytechnic and army years. It may not be much but having you and father pin on my epaulets was one of the proudest and happiest moments of my life. Close to that would be having our family photo taken during my graduation. In these two milestones of my life, I hope I had redeemed myself somewhat and done you proud.

Although I often accuse you of favouritism towards my younger siblings, I know you take the effort for me too. I will never forget how, when I mentioned about the torturous smell of curry making us hungry during our long march exercise in near starvation conditions, you proceeded to cook curry for me when I booked out that weekend. It was heavenly.

The moment I saw you lying in the ICU, I broke down abruptly. I had never realised how much you meant to me till then but we all know that it's usually too little too late. When you finally left, it was a crushing blow to all of us, most of all for dad. It hurts to see him retain his composure for our sake, it hurts even more to see the parting tears in your eyes and having all these words bottled up inside with no longer any avenues for them to be heard.

You have never celebrated Mother's day because you don't believe in such a day but "Happy Mother's Day" nontheless. It is with deep regrets that I have never done much for you but I want you to know that I have always loved you. To the Greatest Mother of all. One who have given us so much.

The writer wishes all mums a Happy Mother's Day.

Cheated!

2009-04-27T00:04:00.007+08:00

In case you're left wondering about the quote in the previous post:

People are like dice, casting themselves into their lives - Jean-Paul Sartre

-------------------------------

Ever had times when you thought everything turned out well but found out later that the result was not what you expected? The disappointment felt extreme, doesn't it? For the better part of that torturous morning I thought I had achieved my silver grading for my annual IPPT but when I collected my result slip, it told me otherwise...

I had missed out by one point, meaning I was cheated out of a hundred bucks by the mere virtue of 2 chin-ups, 2 sit-ups or 0.1sec.... How frustrating is that when I had huffed and puffed my life out struggling to finish that 2.4km run in good time. Now I have to do it all over again, if not for the money I still have my pride and personal target.

Its been a fairly quiet, yet busy month so far. So much arrows stuck on my back to deal with and then there's the anime I'm watching, finding some good philosophical insights and nice songs in them. Then there's this rare forey of me attending a talk organised by the Ocean Geographic Society the other day by the famed NatGeo photojournalist, Emory Kristof (every deep sea photos you see were done by him). A really entertaining 1hour listening to the development of oceanographic photography from the beginnings till today. When asked how he tells people what he does for a living, one cannot help chuckle when he replied," I photograph 'sea monsters' for the Geographic", which was essentially true since most of his subjects would seem like one to ordinary folks.

Oh, and I got back to digging into my pile of resin figures after one whole year of loafing around with gunplas. But I'm still doing plastic models though and so far, my production count for this year has already leaped to 4 (yay!). Honestly, there's no where else to channel my energy towards. It's ridiculous to spend any of it on work anyway since I'm not interested in running the rat race or climbing the corporate ladder. I'm fine just where I am, standing still on one spot. For anyone who's still reading my entries, I thank you and hope you find your comfort spot as well.

The writer is still feeling the fatigue from that exhaustive test. He hopes to have a better rest for the long weekend ahead before going back to get his silver grading.

Join the OG society http://www.ogsociety.org/
A small showcase of what the writer has finished (out of his mountain) http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/album.php?aid=75990&id=705617874&ref=mf

Lost in directions

2009-04-05T22:25:00.003+08:00

L'homme est d'abord ce qui se jette vers un avenir,et ce qui est conscient de se projeter dans l'avenir
- Jean-Paul Sartre

What truth these words reflect. Every now and then, one arrives at a crossroad on their journeys. If one is lucky, the way ahead is clearly pointed out with a classic arrow signpost. Some will get clearcut choices (flat path as opposed to rocky terrain). The worst one can get is a dead end.

Since my life have been revolving around the anime world, should it be any surprise that I actually take my directions from there? To be honest, anime has given me more comfort than any of my friends or family members throughout the years. Even though some anime are downright depressing, I can never fail to sense the hope behind every last episode, even though the endings may not always be a happy one.

So here I am, a decade of joining the otaku rank and file. Still the same hopeless person as ten years ago. To the extent of drawing hope from anime, seeing the parallels with my life and deriving advice from it. For example, feeling frustrated at the main character's inability to profess his feelings, I tried forcing myself to take the next step (but not getting the results anyway). Drawing spirit from the sacrifices the guy character goes through for the girl, I tried emulating in my own way (but to no avail as well). Makes one lose confidence in myself with each passing day, wondering and reasoning through my own faults and failings. Sometimes I wonder if the writer for Toradora is actually someone who knows me or has been monitoring my life... but I guess otakus like me are just not cut out to go into a relationship.

I know I've been sitting on this entry for 4 days by now, I'm just reluctant to commit so much of the raw emotions I feel into words. Today (9th April), for the first time in a long while, I woke up with the urge to break down crying. Not because I had to drag myself to work again, but it was an unexplanable surge in a mix of emotions like sorrow and anguish. It could be due to the wierd dream I had earlier (it's kind of inexplicable right now) or perhaps the dam started leaking there and then.

The writer is not posting any post scripts for this entry. Not in the mood to even try to be funny. (Sorry -Ed.)

Silky Heart

2009-03-27T03:00:00.003+08:00

My Silky Love
24時間ずっと
My Silky Love
キミのこと想うたび
My Silky Love
もどかしいこの気持ち
My Silky Love
ただ溢れかえってく

スキと言えば簡単なのに
キミが前に来ちゃうと
個性(キャラ)がそびえ私のコトを邪魔してる

いつもならば強気でイケる
そんな性格なのに
どんな頑張ってみても壁は崩せない

察して欲しい… この気持ちを
だから私はいつもキミに
大好きだよと送る視線
最大の勇気で!

破れそうなシルクノハート
キミに逢って気づいたやっと
愛には不器用だったんだって
忘れかけた恋の傷跡
急に疼きだしたのキュンと
いつかは私らしくスキと
言わなきゃ…今より弱くなっちゃうよ

スキと言えば楽になれるの
ホントわかってるのに
口にしたらキミが離れてしまいそう

どんな風に想ってんだろう?
キミは私のコトを
いまの距離は単に友達なんだろうな

キレイゴトかも知れないけど
傷付きたくないただそれだけ…
なんて自分に言い聞かせた
逃げてるだけだよね

破れそうなシルクノハート
今度、傷ついたならきっと
二度と誰も愛せなくなっちゃう
胸に響く裂けそうな音
記憶(カバン)の底にあるよきっと
あの日しまい忘れたままの
ソーイングキットがどこかにあるはず…

24時間ずっと
My Silky Love
キミのこと想うたび
My Silky Love
もどかしいこの気持ち
My Silky Love
ただ溢れかえってく
My Silky Love
24時間ずっと
My Silky Love
キミのこと想うたび
My Silky Love
もどかしいこの気持ち
My Silky Love
ただ溢れかえってく

破れそうなシルクノハート
キミに逢って気づいたやっと
愛には不器用だったんだって
弱さを隠すためにわざと
強がってたとしてもきっと
いつかは私らしくスキと
キミにこの気持ちをちゃんと伝えよう...

そういう文できている...
さよなら、とらドラ! (T^T)

Being single is not a crime, it's a sentence...

2009-03-25T21:49:00.005+08:00

A friend of mine recently lamented how annoying parents and relatives can be. And yes, its about that much dreaded question again. And relatives keep wondering why I never visit...

My parents never once bothered me with this, until recently my dad started dropping hints (or what I take as hints) by muttering that we're all kids until we get married. Hey, don't blame me for being single but at least I'm not a NEET (Not engaged in Education, Employment or Training). I'm still actively working and distracting myself with my hobby (cursing and swearing half the time too).

These folks don't seem to realise that it's not easy for us guys (and to be fair, girls too). Usually for my friend's case (his name is Paul), many people seldom see past his physical appearance, which in this case is his cerebral palsy, to see the good-natured and humorous person within. Now before I get accused of trying to sell him, I'm not (so no need to get all excited you Ping Pong). What I'm trying to put across is, it gets harder and harder for us guys nowadays.

One has to get past the appearance stage before your earning power comes into play. The guys has the ability to summon up extras like cars, expensive watches, etc to up his appeal. Sad to say I do not have such powers to conjure, I'm either not tall enough, not good looking enough or can't live up to the high expectations and earning capabilities you girls expect. I don't even have my own car or room for goodness sake. All I have is the sincerity and the willingness to sacrifice but apparently, it's not enough (It never is enough is it?). You can go for your ang-moh boyfriends without having to give me such excuses.

Come 30th April, I'll be on my own now as I sever my ties with the only dating agency I've joined. Call it jadedness or apathy. Behind every success story may be a woman but I just don't see myself there anymore. I think it's better that I try to haul myself out of the lower income bracket and enrol in a ninja school, or maybe get myself some noise cancelling earmuffs...

The writer has been trying to figure out how to plan for the holiday he so desperately craves. He has been fairly accident-proned recently, getting cuts, bruises and culminating in an injured foot today. It's surprising he hasn't broken any bones yet.

A day in the life of...

2009-03-15T21:52:00.008+08:00

6.35am. Alarm wakes me up from my comatosed state as I drag my half-dead body up and proceeds to brush my teeth while flipping through the webpages on my PC. Then still half-awake, I hit the cold showers, dressed up, grab the bag and I'm out of the door by 7.

7.45am. Arrival at Raffles Place. Send out an sms greeting (usually unanswered) and proceed to get a packed lunch and then sit down to read the papers while waiting for bus to the ferry terminal.

9am. We reach the island as everyone slowly trudges to their respective work areas. I take some time out while waiting for the others to change and head down to the beach to do some combing. Anything interesting is collected and placed in my bag.

9.30am. We arrive at the farm where we begin our daily work routine. Boss would have messaged me 5 to 10 minutes earlier with some things that need to be done. Sit down drink some tea/coffee while giving a briefing to the guys and then its off to work.

10.30am. a) Get slapped by a 5kg fish, b) Get poked by fish spines or c) Get cuts on the hands trying to pull up the net/ropes. (The hazards, all in a days work). If we're lucky, the dolphins come by for a visit.

12pm. Hopefully work is more or less done as we break for lunch. Finish up some data recording before I hope on the boat around 1pm and head to the island to shower up. My cats (about 4 to 5 of them, and increasing) will crowd around me as I take a brief respite and play with them.

1.30pm. I plonk myself down at my desk, startup the computer and make my cup of coffee. The stuff collected from this morning goes onto my desktop "museum" as I make myself comfortable before the discomfort begins. Starting with the emails...

3pm. Battle starts with the advance of the Z monster, in spite of the caffeine. Either 1) I go take a walk or b) I go read the news at BBC/CNA.

5pm. Still smarting from the torture of sleep-deprivation, hit the kill switch of the computer and lumbers down to the jetty. The commuting time takes more than 2 hrs before I hit home. Along the way, curse and swear at the stupid drivers.

7.30pm. Hit the showers (again), sit down for dinner before parking myself in front of my computer, going through emails, some FB stuff, watch shows or just read comic while I wait (with futile written all over it) for someone to come online.

12mn. Reluctantly go off and pack up for tomorrow. Wash up and head to bed.

The writer is currently suffering from PMS (Pre-Monday Syndrome you idiots, not the other PMS) and depression. Over what? Saturday's poor match compounding the generally lousy feel since the beginning of the year.

Hollywood has ruined everything

2009-03-11T23:21:00.003+08:00

The movies have ruined everything. From childhood memories to historical events. From great shows they decended to mediocre adaptations and worse still, pathetic extensions known as Part 2.

Now the original Ring (Ringu in its orginal name) was a great horror show. It scared the beejeesus out of me (made me stayed away from dark rooms with TVs in them for a month or so) and I think it also made my sister blame me for her nightmares. Surprisingly, the subsequent installations may not have reached that height but they were decent in closing off the loops in the original. The horror came when Hollywood burst in, took over the show and cast everything in their Westernised form. The silent horror became the usual run-of-mill person draped in white sheets and sporting hair that just came out of the showers and then trying to sound eerie while giving supposed warnings while to the tune of "high tension" background music. That is of course accompanied by the constant screamings, as if to remind you what you should be doing. Yawn. And that is just me understating it.

Now almost every chinese or historian worth their weight in salt knows of the period of the Three Kingdoms era in ancient China. The heroes of the era are well known, particularly those of the Kingdom of Shu-Han. Now they've decided to do a large-scale movie of the infamous Battle of Red Cliff. Which was fine and dandy given the use of special effects to make the battle more grandious than it can ever be filmed (without actually burning down the set, or a hole in the producers' pockets). Now here's my beef. What does a one minute sex scene got to do with this significant event? Or the fact that they had to change the storyline just to make everything gel (The long dead people didn't have to wield majestic-looking swords or engage in great drama to make everything the way they were). Shu-Han's leader, Liu Bei, was reknown for being a man of virtue and they had to make him out to look like a coward running for his life. All because they thought it was a more dramatic way of making the ruse look more plausible. Warrior princess, Sun Shang Xiang, suddenly became a spy in the Cao-Wei encampment (falling in "love" with an enemy bumpkin in the meantime too). The great tactician, Zhuge Liang, became a clown. What's the go? Quit twisting my history just to suit your Western fantasies.

Now most guys my age would know about names like "Street Fighter"and "Dragon ball". Full of violence, heroics, supernatural powers (and some bits of minor soft-porn). All these that is enough to make boys drool and satisfy raging hormones. Then the movies came along. Along with that, all the childhood fantasies went down the drain as well. Typical western stereotypes filled the air in the original SF movie. Now they've gone a bit further by twisting the characters of DB. The characters suddenly got American citizenship and the dirty-minded Tortise-sage became a normal wise-cracking old man (oh why Mr Chow? You were too good an actor for such ridiculous roles). Now quit butchering my childhood memories too!

Amazing I tell you. I think every Chinese nationals or others who's been trying to gain US citizenship using Singapore as a stepping board should take note of this pertinent fact. Try getting superpowers, be tormented by mean-spirits and most importantly, get adapted into a highly successful movie. Hollywood will get you your citizenship faster than their banks can cheat you of your money.

The writer has decided to boycott Hollywood movies, or those made for Western audiences in mind. He wishes to elaborate that not all movies are bad. He particularly enjoyed the LOTR trilogy and some selected action-adventure films as well.

Chemistry of time

2009-03-04T21:03:00.005+08:00

It may have passed unnoticed but I had been keeping a rather low profile lately and have not been writing as much as I should. Let's just say I felt like threading on thin ice and whatever I write might end up boomeranging back at me.

What I ended up with right now is a whole bunch of thoughts and feelings stuck in the bottle. They have been in there, mixing and reacting with each other so much that one can no longer tell what is in there and if the stuff can kill. So here I am, having spent some time to sort through them, applying it through a gradient centrifuge, PCR and the lot. Not surprisingly, a whole chunk of it was contaminated by the highly volatile component called grief, some shots of anger, a small portion of apathy and boredom, a virtually undetectable amount of happiness and that ever present minute amount of hope.

Ok, first up. Let us get one thing clear: this is not going to go the "emo" route (not that I want any of my posts to go that way anyway). Next, note the reserved rights I hold for my writing (so play nice and be fair). These logs are offering you a window into my world. The least you could do is not abuse this privilege.

Now it's easy to just chuck the grief away and deal with the rest right? Sorry. That's not the way I do things. We all know where it comes from. Being shunned, getting spiteful vibes and generally treated like an outcast. You'll be seeing me in a hazmat suit quite often. That stuff makes nuclear waste seem like a pile of dog poo, that's how difficult it is to deal with and I don't want the IAEA breathing down my neck for illegal disposal of such hazardous material. Just have to deal with the slow decay through it's eccentric half-life.

The anger component generally comes from the everyday frustrations, from work (imbeciles...) , commuting to and from work (bloody imbeciles...) and irritating people around me (you'll be surprised at how many there are). Pretty explosive component but it evaporates naturally with time so no worries over that.

The apathy and boredom you can understand when you just don't feel like doing, thinking or feeling anything at all (I could use more of that apathy). Now, one wonders where I got things right to have captured that minute amount of happiness? Thinking hard, I suppose it's when the stuff you've ordered arrived, finding something extraordinary in what seemed like a pile of debris, talking to someone you haven't talked to for a while...

Now, hope. So inert and pure, just like gold. Precious and incorruptible. Though the amount is small, I cannot seem to find any means to increase it's mass nor find the heart to lose it. Looking out there right now, it seems like everyone could use alot more of it these days. I know I could.

The writer tried visiting the local pawn shop to try to capitalise on the rising ore prices, only to discover that there is neither a market for hope nor a value to it.

Going...going...gone

2009-02-23T00:01:00.007+08:00

That's it. The deadline has come and gone. I will not be getting that dream job afterall. I would have done it for the cheap just to be back there again but it seems to me that it's not for me to go back to paradise just yet. Confused? I'm talking about that dream job of lazing around on Hamilton island on the Great Barrier Reef.

This is not the first time I've let go of a chance to fufil a dream. That number will continue to increase due to the pressures of reality and the increasingly evident lack of ability to make it to that level. I guess that's why they call it "reality bites". Except that it doesn't just bite you, reality chews you up really badly, spit you out and then proceeds to squash you into the dirt.

I know I sound too cynical, I've also been told that some of my earlier posts seem too "emo". Evidently my stab at humour wasn't that obvious or maybe I've just lost that edge too. I could do with a holiday right now, just to get away from it all. Yeah, I know at least someone who'll say just do it and stop thinking of the consequences. I may be desperate but I still retain some hint of reason not to splash the cash. Just because I have no current commitments doesn't mean I should. And yes, I'd agree with your (deliberately) dismissive remark that it is my choice, though not a very favourable one but the most logical one at this point in time.

Besides, I am already "overseas" 5 days a week.... :)

The writer wishes to suggest that the reader try not to take what is written here too seriously. The writer also wishes to express his gratitude for the readers' concern. For if the reader doesn't care for the writer, why is the reader even reading this at all?

Surprise!!!

2009-02-18T00:38:00.005+08:00

When it comes to surprises, there are two differing camps. One will love to be surprised, especially for special occassions. The other, well... simply hate them.

The ones who wants to be surprised usually feel they have been deserving of a good turn (maybe more than just one) and would love to have a pleasant surprise as a "reward" for being good, even though they've been half expecting it. Come to think of it, who won't love to have a pleasant surprise?

Now the next group comes into the picture. Those who hate being surprised. They comprise of the elderly, grouchy people and some others. The old people have weak hearts as their excuse (won't want the poor folks to die of cardiac arrest while in the midst of celebration do we?) and grouchy people aren't in the mood for anything all the time (surprising these people tend to have the opposite effect intended).

What of these "others' then? Psychologically, these people hate being surprised because it makes them feel a loss of control. They have a need to be in control of almost every aspects of their life and hence, a sense of helplessness when being caught with their pants down (well, not literally of course).

Just as to where I stand among the two groups? Well, for one I never fail to surprise people who think they know me well enough (that's just my eccentric part showing). I've always tried my best to spring surprises (mostly pleasant ones I hope) but I admit, I hate being surprised. Granted, some of those that were dropped on me were pleasant ones but majority have not left a sweet aftertaste. I also hate to be left in the dark over something that is suppose to involve me (hopefully thats not why I went into intelligence...). All in all, it just leaves me unprepared for what was to come and I hate being caught with my pants down.

Now, which camp do you belong to? Maybe I'll spring one on you.

Oh, and Many Happy Returns Birthday Girl.

The writer is currently preparing something. Hush hush....

Evolution of Love

2009-02-13T23:20:00.004+08:00

First up. Happy belated Birthday Charlie! This year we celebrate your 2nd centennial and your contributions to science is as monumental as ever. Evolution shook the very foundations of a human-centric world preached by those religious fools and brought humans down to earth as opposed to 2nd only to God. The name Darwin ranks among those held in the highest of esteem alongside other great men like Sir Isaac Newton, Carl Linneaus, Albert Einstein, just to name a few.

On the eve of a special but increasingly commercialised day, I stand before you, guilty as charged, for being single AND alone on St Valentine's day. Not that it makes much of a big hoo-ha. I mean, it's been like this for so many years now and I've only managed to scrap through maybe one or two years with someone. It's starting to annoy me when friends start asking if I have plans for tomorrow when I never really intended to have any. It makes it seem like a crime not to ask that special someone out. Ok, maybe it wasn't so obvious to them that I have no plans but I think the cold stares I shot them got the message across somehow.

Usually I suck at dating. I seldom see the same girl more than once. In fact, I haven't met a new face twice before. Goodness knows why and I'm pretty sure its not me. Ok ok, so it might be me... alright alright, so it was me. Happy? I already said I suck right? Besides, my omikuji friend here (yes, it is the green blob in this screen) have been giving me plenty of kyōs (bad luck warnings) lately. Some things just dun go your way, period.

Ah well, saves me the trouble of having to book in advance the roses, join the snaking line for that oh-so-delicious (I wun know, I've never tried them but hey, a line aways means it's good) chocolates or try and get a table for 2 at that nice restaurant.

So I'll tell you what. If you have a date and you bump into me strolling down Orchard road alone. Do me a favour. Just ignore me and move along. I promise I wun run up to you and beat the crap out of you. Just let me be, before my aura of apathy threatens to consume you. But of course, if any of you girls out there need a date, I'll be happy to oblige. On a budget of course. Hey, dun look at me like that. The rules are different if you ask me out.

Cheers and have a Happy Valentines Day. I mean everyone of you, single or erm, irritating.

The writer is currently patiently waiting for his membership in SDU (or the newly instituted SDU-SDS) to expire. No point in having guys with no class lower your level with their desperate ways of trying to impress the girls. Yeah, the huge influx of SDS guys really have no class.

Trying to fail, and failing miserably

2009-02-02T23:22:00.004+08:00

Self control is the ability to stop yourself from hitting the enter button. Just like not purchasing that cute little bag from that online store, accidentally sending out that email with compromising photos to everyone in the office, saying "yes" when the computer asks if you want to format your hard disk out of sheer frustration, sending out that message you know you should not be sending...

Sometimes it just creates the illusion of things moving along if you hit enter, because you can feel things moving in any direction instead of standing still. Not that its a bad thing because there is a one-in-three hundred and sixty chance things are going in the right direction (don't even get me started on the mils system).

Standing still can be unbearable at times but if you think about it, it offers you a better sense of direction and assess where you just came from and where you want to go. Take stock of what you still have, consider about cutting your losses, gain valuable lessons from what you lost. Unfortunately, not many of us have this luxury with piles of work, project deadlines and what-have-you. More often than not, majority of us tend to go in the wrong direction in the bid to keep things moving along. Having said that, what has that got to do with the title itself?

Think about it and let me know what you think it means :)

The writer wishes to express that this entry has nothing to do with his current state of mind (well, maybe just the cryptic part). He just needs to find the small comfort from his mundane life in writing, no matter how nonsensical it appears. (damn straight. I'm firing him if he does that again ~ Ed.)

Into the shadows

2009-01-26T19:19:00.012+08:00

The first solar eclipse of the year and it just happens to fall on lunar new year's day. This was suppose to be an annular eclipse, meaning the moon is at a further distance from the Earth and will appear smaller and not cover the entire surface of the sun (duh).

However, it is unfortunate that the umbral shadow does not land near me (damn) but I guess with 80% of cover, its better than nothing. So there I was with my good friend 5th Halo as we set up shop at an open field near his place. Why his place you ask? He's the one with the DSLR camera with the zoom lens. I know, shame on me. It was quite deserted so I guess either everyone doesn't give a damn about this phenomenon or everyone who did probably made their way down to cluster-f**k at the Singapore Science Centre (No offence, astro guys. I know you guys were doing your best to educate the groupies. I just hate crowds)

At roughly 1630hrs (local time), we spotted the first contact as the moon slowly moved in to blot out the sun. Its not very obvious to the untrained eye so leave it to us "old hands" who, even with age (okok, we're not THAT old) and bespectacled, managed to catch the tiny sliver of the shadow creeping in. By the way, that honor goes to 5th Halo, by virtue that he managed to hog the camera at the right time.

After about half an hour, the surrounding light appeared significantly dimmer although again it may appear to be the effect of the clouds. But we know better. By then it was pretty obvious that the moon is significantly smaller than the surface of the sun.

Finally, mid-eclipse approached and the clouds are starting to threaten. Not rain but as sun block. However, we still managed to squeeze off a few decent shots even though the cirrus clouds hovering across the view threatened to blur the images. Thank goodness for exposure settings. I managed to get a good shot of the maximum cover just before the clouds came in and like a night club bouncer, threw us out of the show. It was disappointing but we closed shop just a little after that. We never got to see the sun again for the rest of the day.

Please take note, all shots are made at 250mm focal length on various exposures. And most importantly, with an improvised solar filter. Won't want to fry the optics and the eyes.

The shot in green is actually captured using a normal Digital camera with a piece of welder's glass held in front of the lens, shortly after first contact.

Stars

2009-01-17T02:32:00.003+08:00

The stars shining in the heavens. They seem close to each other but they're actually very far apart. Just the same the things you see aren't always real. How hard must I try in order to understand the unseen truth? How far is the distance between the two of us? I want to understand you because I don't understand you. I want to understand because I like you. I reach out my hand so I can gradually get closer. You, my last line and final salvation...

Best Job in the World

2009-01-15T14:56:00.006+08:00

Endurance. It's a mind game. You go further when you block out the pain and faster with every gush of adrenaline. But as everything in this fragile human body, the limits of the mind are not boundless.

Sometimes, I just hate the type of work I have to go through day in day out. Thankless, unappreciated and unrecognised work. So far I've managed to smoke my way along, eking out a survival route somehow. Now that the Government of Queensland has came up with this "Best Job in the World" position, I really feel like going for it.

Why? For one, it offers me the chance to go back to one of the most beautiful places in the world. The pay is exceptionally high (I dun think I'll get to see that sum of money in the near future even with maximum scrounging) and it is a chance to get a break one can always make do with.

Why not? I'm probably up against pretty much the rest of the world (duh). I'm too lazy to get down to making a short clip for submission. I'm not so much a PR person, neither do I think I best qualify for the job. My luck is pretty much non-existent (in spite of my omikuji widget telling me otherwise. Yeah, that green blob swaying around) so given the odds are far behind the odds of striking a lottery, I think its a safer bet to go for the lottery.

As you can see, the odds are pretty much against me (sounds familiar, no?). What do you guys think? To go or not to go?

The writer is starting to plan for some holidaying. Anyone has any good places to recommend?

Wretched Fool

2009-01-12T23:04:00.004+08:00

It was, to a certain extent, a really rotten weekend and though I'm not glad to be back at work, at least something to do that takes my mind off my troubles.

I'm not one who hides my feelings very well. People usually can tell if I'm not in a good mood although I am trying to change that. I can joke and laugh as per normal despite all the worries inside but occassionally, I still lapse into a silence that just borders on withdrawal. It's like an on-off thing that I can hardly control.

Speaking of which, I haven't had a shave since Christmas Eve. I look more and more like a wretch with each passing day (At least it takes the stares away from my opened fly). Sometimes I try to do what others do, think happy thoughts. Doesn't work. Cause my only happy thoughts are with her. Oh, the frustrations....

There's the songs I listen to. Most of them are uplifting. They should help lift the mood. Crap. The songs actually remind me of her! Argh! But wait, there's the song that I've adopted as my theme song! 笨小孩 (literally translated as "stupid kid"). The more you listen to it, the more it sounded like myself (apart from the timeline of course, I wasn't born in the 60s). So much so I just end up singing along to it on my way down from the office, with no one around cause I suck at singing anyway.

So yeah, this poor fool will for the time being be a little more happy and go with the flow. Even if he knows the game is all but lost, there's no point worrying about that at this point in time. All he can do is continue to hope his days and his luck will turn for the better.

The writer just had his first shave of the year (and first cut, stupid razor). He has turned fom looking like a wretch to (gasp!) still looking like a wretch. Anyone wanna drag him to the karaoke? He's not paying of course.

The better part of me is gone. R.I.P.

2009-01-10T02:00:00.006+08:00

To my Angel, you shouldn't be reading this column anymore. I mean it.

Dear friends, I regret to inform you about the untimely demise of a good friend of yours. A large part of me. Despite keeping it on life support for as long as I can, the plug was suddenly pulled out with a swift single stroke.

The pain gave way to sorrow and then rage. To be ignored and rejected simply for sticking around, for doing my best, for being there for you, for reminding you of that incompetant boy.... Yes, I've undertook the risks fully aware of the potentially enormous loss. Yes, the only way to pull the plug was to crush me completely but this reason was something that was too hard to accept. It felt worse than a slap on the face. The physical pain will heal quickly but the dead can never be revived. To know that all my efforts were not comparable to even his crap or whatever unsavoury he can dish out.

Stop dishing out advice of looking at the forest instead of this one tree. It's hypocritical that you chose not to follow your own advice. Especially so when the tree you're eyeing is already dying or dead. (The fact that he comes from a well-to-do family simply irks me even more, after selling my soul and working my ass off and still knowing that I can never top him) Where do you draw the line when there are always something better out there? Perhaps that's why affairs and divorces are becoming more common at this age.

If you're still reading, don't blame me for what I'm about to write.

You are a hopeless, stubborn and ridiculously short-sighted cow. You cannot reciprocate my feelings simply because you still held out, hoping that worthless dickhead will come back. How then can you even suggest that you can reciprocate the feelings of someone else who comes along when you finally do move on? After all that has happened, everything will be lumped together and discarded just simply because I was there for you but it's still at the wrong time?

This was the straw that broke me. I can't help but feel the rage that that moron is indirectly robbing me of my pursuit of happiness. It's so ellusive that even when I found it, I can't get it. You can't have your cake and eat it too. It makes me sick to think that I've unwittingly been burning all the bridges behind me.

I can no longer see others the way I did before. All because you had been a catalyst for change and, like it or not, you've raised the standard. Even after breaking off contact for that period of time, I might have dated but I can never find someone who can really take your place inside my heart. I cannot find anyone who's even remotely near the standard you've set. I had an escape in the form of National Service during the last "recession", there's no where for me to turn to this time. That is why you are probably my end game. My last stop.

I am the Angel with only one wing. I am one that is flawed, unable to be like the others soaring happily in the skies. Like the scruffy dog wondering the streets. I don't really know what hurts more, the fire burning in my stomach, the knife that's piercing my heart, the acid that's burning my eyes or the pain of losing myself...

The writer's views expressed are his own. This board is his hole in the ground. His resolution for the year has already been broken after only 9 days and is currently in an unforgiving mood. Welcome to the Great Depression.

Things just keep getting...

2009-01-09T01:06:00.005+08:00

I'm struck by insomnia once again. To compound matters, I've also been running a mild fever for the past few days and to top it all off, I think I have a fish bone lodged rather deeply in my throat and I'm hoping it would dislodge itself soon.

Physical pain aside, mentally its been a torture. How would you feel if you have people under you but to get the work done right, you know it can only be done by you? That is the situation I'm currently facing. Sure I can teach or show them how to go about it but do you really trust someone else who has zero practical experience, no understanding on the process and near zero aptitude? Which begs another question. How do you trust someone to find their way when they seem to have zero directional sense?

Next. I'd like to pose a question to everyone who cares. Say you bought a beautiful vase several years back and it broke perhaps due to poor workmanship or questionable material quality. Would you go back to the same manufacturer to get a replacement? Would you attempt to glue the pieces back and try to ignore the underlining structural flaws? Or would you get a brand new (albeit different) one from someone else?

Think about it and get back to me. I could use some feedback. This fatigue is slowly killing me.

The writer is very relieved its Friday but laments that the week is passing too slowly for his liking and in his feverish state, has attempted to throw the clock out the window just to "see time fly".

New Year, new look, same crappy feeling

2009-01-06T21:34:00.007+08:00

New year. New look. Wings have now been revamped and spruced up. Thanks to the help of my friend 5th Halo.

First week in the storm and it feels like a month or a year, already its slipping away from me. Throw in work, a crappy public transport, inconsiderate (read: STUPID) people, plus the world seems to run on Murphy's Law these days. Already I feel burnt out.

The only bright side so far, all seven of my gunplas I've been working on for the past 6 months or so have finally had their eyes "dotted" (traditionally the final step for modellers) but I still have some minor work left to do before I embark on the most ambitious project to date as an otaku. It's a secret to some so I can't publicly reveal it yet.

On the personal front again, the past few days have been rather trying. It is a pain trying to keep your hands away from the phone (or the keyboard) to send a message but I've managed to (so far...). The "so near yet so far" feeling is particularly unnerving and also, I feel like complete crap. The idea of weaning each other off mutually is a "noble" one (even though the excuse was to forget about someone else instead) but I dun think it's gonna work at all, at least not on my part. Reason's very simple. She's been a relief for everything that pulled me down. Now that she's no longer around "for me", there's really nothing to stop that sinking feeling every single day. Well, maybe when Friday comes around that might produce a minor rally in the Current Mood Index. Hmmm, CMI... Cannot make it? Pun certainly wasn't intended when I started. But then again, that's one week down, how many more weeks to go?

Talk to me, please...?

The writer is currently running a slight fever but will not be taking medical leave tomorrow unless it worsens. Now get back to work! You lazy bum! *Crack whip* ~ Ed

Dear Friends...

2008-12-31T22:48:00.005+08:00

It is with great sadness that we bid farewell to an eventful year. The extravagence of the Olympic Games in Beijing, the trajedies of the Sichuan earthquake, the China milk scandals, the disasterous financial meltdown...

As we look back and recall the events that were, we now turn our sights to what is to come. The new year brings new hope for all. The hope for peace, the hope for stability, the hope for happiness. As we close the book for the year, it is time for us to reflect and think of what we can do in the coming year to better ourselves.

New Year resolutions. Chief of all has always been to control this temper of mine for almost a decade now. While I haven't been all that successful, at least I think I'm at least much closer to reaching that than I was then.

Next in line is to continue getting that extra $200 for my annual IPPT. Age seems to be catching up but I think I can still hack it if I start training well before the traditional slot I've picked out.

Finally, against all odds, I would very much like to get an answer to the question that has been haunting me for the past 3 years.

The writer has taken a sabbatical from all the worries and troubles to wish everyone a Happy New Year and better times ahead.

Into the Storm

2008-12-30T14:29:00.014+08:00

The very first thing that sprang to my mind when I regained conciousness this morning was, Idiot! What the f*** did I just do!?

I've just let go of someone who meant the world to me and the shock was only slowly setting in. For months I had been battered by a storm and only recently managed to find some peace in the eye for a brief period. Now in a moment of pure madness, I've left the calm and stepped into the raging chaos once more.

So here I am, first day of my second "exile" and already entering a depression that can potentially put the stock market indices these days to shame. I suddenly found myself with scant patience for the rest of the world and there's just nothing to look forward to anymore. She has been both a stabilising and destabilising factor in my life so far. How so? One strives to better himself in order to make himself worthy of her. For her I was willing to do almost anything. Yet, she sends me teetering between bliss and depression, upsetting the most fundamental of my patience that I had so pride myself on. What a tumultous end to the year indeed but at least this is not so bad a fall as compared to the first. We fall from time to time, just so we can learn to pick ourselves up.

I'll have to push myself forward in this storm without the sunshine that I so love and need. I know beyond the storm, there are no garauntees that I'll ever see the light of day again, but this is the only way to get answers, this is my only way out. If I fall along the way, I know I have only my two hands and legs to depend upon. I hope my will and determination can carry me through, along with whatever hope is left in me. I need to see the sunlight once again.

I know you're reading this so let me make this clear. I meant what I said last night. If its space you need, then thats what you'll get. My word has always been my bond and I try to keep it that way. I don't think I have any other ways to show you that I'm really a good person. I cannot show that I am better than the one you so miss but I will respect your decision when I leave the storm. For the better part of my life, I had been walking alone in the dark. I would like some light and company for the rest of my journeys, and I do not wish for anyone else than you.

The writer is resigned to wearing the idiot tag for the next few months. Thats the least of his concerns as doubt, paranoia and fear gnaws at him.

Utter disappointment

2008-12-25T22:30:00.007+08:00

You can always choose your friends, but you can never choose your family. Famous words uttered by the Godfather himself.

Though I'm not close to any of my relatives, I don't harbour any ill-feeling nor malice against them. I'm simply detached. But try as I may, one can only evade so much. Many of them are actually quite nice people, if not for the expected (and enormously annoying) questions that follow after the initial greetings.

Though I usually parry them by joking back about my current status, it somehow puts me in an awkward position and brings about great discomfort. Being from a large extended family (5 uncles and 9 aunts), it takes alot of effort to be smiling through each and every "interrogation". And no, declaring the 302 status here is not advisable. Which brings me to the background story...

My 2nd uncle was celebrating his birthday and almost everyone showed up for the feast, including many cousins, nephews and nieces. Many of them already have partners with them so the target boards have largely whittled down to myself and my siblings, with me taking all the flak. And drawing on my taichi, I managed to parry most of it as I've already mentioned.

As the celebrations go on, I cannot help but be increasingly envious of all the married relatives I observed. Especially so when the Birthday "boy" was unable to take the toast, his wife gamely took over for him. They're both past their 70s mind you and one cannot help but admire their resilience and dedication to each other. All this while, I remain seated quietly in one corner, smiling along.

I cannot help but feel extremely disappointed with myself at this point in time. My limited achievements seem so insignificant all of a sudden as I stare into an abyss of failure. Perhaps that's the reason why I avoid these functions or stick around when people come visiting. Times like these you just want to up and move to somewhere and be alone for a while...

The writer is currently teetering on the edge of depression and desperately seeks solace in labouring on his models, and only finding very little of it. He also still reeks of his friend's terrier, which he had to cradle while on the ride back.

That illusive thing

2008-12-22T21:52:00.006+08:00

There's something in this world that everyone haven't seen before
It's something gentle and very sweet
If they saw it, everyone would probably want it
That's why it was hidden from the World
So it cannot be easily obtained
But eventually, someone will find it
Only that one person will find it
This is the way things go
That is how it is...

Pathfinder

2008-12-13T23:05:00.004+08:00

Everyone walks along different paths. Many cross each other's paths, some walk together, others never met in their entire lives. I believe I've been choosing the path that few have chosen to travel.

Blame it on my stubborn nature and independent trait, I've always been choosing paths that has been filled with anxiety, stress and dubious (somewhat treacherous) roads.

Take for example, the first real choice I had to make, which was at the crossroads after the 'O'-level examinations. I had my mind dead set on getting into Ngee Ann Polytechnic's Biotechnology program (now called Life Sciences I believe). However, that path was made difficult by my results and I was posted to another program at another institute. I decided to fight it out with the various appeal channels. A few weeks later, my official appeal was rejected and disappointment permeated my spirit. Just a few days before I was to officially enroll into the program, I got a letter informing me my appeal through the "student leader scheme" had been successful and I am thankful today that I tried all I could to get in, because of all the wonderful people I've had the pleasure to have crossed paths with.

Another crossroads came up after that short 3 year journey. Although us guys had it better (in a sense) without having to ponder too much about our futures by deferring it for 2 and a half years while we serve our nation. Most people would have branded me as nuts but I chose to join the military as a career (albeit a short term one) with the view of saving up to further my studies. Looking back, it might still be too soon to conclude whether it was a wise choice and all. There were good times and bad, fun and boredom, tears and triumph (hey, I did conquer my fear of heights by jumping out of an aircraft so gimme some credit alright?). It wasn't an easy time I'll admit but I survived, maybe a little wiser, a little more humble and alot more aware of my own failings and limitations.

When I left the army, my path had already been determined as I jet off to Queensland for my Uni studies. Down under there were many choices to make (in the form of modules and courses) and I must say that most of what I took had brought with them valuable experiences, some of which I'd probably never have the chance to experience again (saving green turtle hatchlings anyone?). It was also there that I've chosen to embark on the most treacherous paths I've took so far...

The writer has been cut off for the time being for being too long-winded. We apologies for the inconveniences caused. ~ Editor

Yesterday and Today

2008-12-09T16:00:00.011+08:00

Time doesn't just fly, it goes by at warp speed, leaving a trail of memories in its wake. Hitting the big 3 soon and still alone, it never fails to start generating a chemical (worry) that hastens the discolouration of the hair.

It doesn't help when you hear of friends and former army mates getting married or already starting families and you're not even within sight of a proper relationship. Usually the people who tend to tell you not to worry too much are either already in a relationship or married. The only singles who will give that advice are those who wish for you to stay single and commenserate in their misery!

Lately, the feeling of loneliness has started creeping into the soul. I feel like an empty shell, asking myself "what the heck am I doing?" when I wake up every single day. Everything seems so dull of a sudden as the realisation sets in that there's nothing to work for or to achieve. For fast cars and big money? What's the point? I dun feel the urge to have everything when I'll still end up with nothing. Every material comfort brings little comfort in the dark lonely nights, the boring rainy days and the quiet moments when you wish you'd be able to exchange all you have for someone to be by your side.

I'm sure there are many who think that once you have the money, the girls will flock to you. Grow up. It doesn't always work that way. If I'd wanted a Material girl, I would have gone and robbed a bank instead of slaving it out in a slow moving job. Perhaps I'm just not too sure of what I want to do with my life at this point in time, hence the sense of hopelessness (blame the boss perhaps?). But I do know that I still have dreams that I would like to fufil. I think I just need a catalyst to come along and give me the boost that I so desperately need. I need you.

The writer is currently not in depression (although his stocks are) and is not on suicide watch. He sleeps rather soundly in his padded cell (ahem... room) and can be overheard babbling nonsense from time to time. Something about the moon, and a nine-year old song...

Subconcious Death

2008-12-01T02:45:00.007+08:00

Dreams come and go and one scarcely remembers anything once consciousness is regained. This one was somewhat different.

I was in Tokyo walking around when I recieved a message on my mobile from a friend asking where I was. I remembered replying the Kanda Myojin shrine, which was one of the shrines in the Akihabara region that I visited while I was there.

The next thing I know, I recalled moving to a location to wait for her. It felt as if I was moving to the train station nearby but it turned out to be another shrine, but is its not any I can think of. There was a river behind the building and the opposite shore was brightly lit. The shrine itself was quite dark and had an air that felt like sorrow and the presence of several people wailing, as if in mourning. And I felt like a virtual spectator whereby every being was oblivious to my presence.

After a while it started raining but for some reason, I chose not to go into the shrine but instead took shelter underneathe some canvas shelters outside, all the while just hanging around waiting for my friend to show up. When she did, I remember being so glad and got ready to leave. Just when she came beside me to walk off together, thats when I awoke.

What was so different about this particular dream you may ask? This one remains fresh in my mind, even after a few days. Upon closer reflection, it appears that this may be interpreted as death. The river was the boundary seperating the world of the living (brightly lit shore) and the dead (dark, sorrowful place), similar to the classical myth of the River Styx in Hades. My refusal to enter the shrine could also mean I could not do so as a being from another world (although from which I cannot be sure). The "mourners" may be lamenting their own fates or perhaps mourning for someone's passing. Since they appear in my dream, one can only assume it was probably for myself. It felt like I was a soul standing there waiting for someone. Though the theme appears to be death, it never for once felt like a nightmare.

There were several things that struck me as I recall the events. Even in my own dream, I have to wait for this friend of mine. I could have chosen to go anywhere or do anything else for the tntire duration until she shows up, yet I chose to stay and wait, as if nothing else was more important to me. It clearly highlights the waiting mentality that I have adopted in both the conscious world and my subconscious mind. So far, for all I know, only the Shogun Tokugawa Ieyasu had perfected the art of waiting and gained everything. No one else has come close ever since.

The writer is not a student of Sigmund Freud and the dream interpretations are his own. Any similarities with persons, living or dead (pun NOT intended) are unintentional and purely coincidental. He also wishes to highlight that the waiting game is an exhaustive exercise and will not recommend it to those who cannot cope with alot of stress, depression and sporadic shocks.

Poker. Going for broke.

2008-11-27T22:29:00.007+08:00

It feels like a game of poker right now.

For those familiar with the game, the situation is such that I need the final card (river) to complete a straight set while my opponent already holds 2 pairs. And I have a lousy poker face...

This has been a prolonged and exhaustive game. Suppose you say I can just get up and walk away. I must say I don't gamble often and I usually almost always never win but for some reason I've decided to empty my corner and put all my chips down in the pot. It's now all or nothing for me, because this is something I cannot afford to lose, something I can no longer bear to let go.

Just this once, I'd really like to win. Then I ask of nothing else.

Dreams, on a wing and a prayer

2008-11-24T21:32:00.004+08:00

Things are not going well. I've been crashing down the pits quite often lately and not finding the solace I've been seeking.

Work is becoming more and more like a pile of BS. When the bosses start breathing down your neck or looking over your shoulders all the time, there are times that I started contemplating on getting down to typing that resignation letter. So far, common sense woke up in time to arrest that. And now that we have worked our asses off for the entire year, every single one of us have to expect a cut in our bonuses AND face a pay-cut sometime soon. It's starting to look like a really short straw I'm drawing.

On the personal life side, a bit of comforting news that has brought about much discomfort and it seems as if the situation has not changed much from where it was 2 years ago. It has been a situation where I find myself half expecting bad news or a heart break with every passing second. Sometimes to the extent of having insomnia throughout the night. I used to think that romance and love is all fun and straightforward, it never was and it certainly won't be with the road I have chosen. It has been full of confusion, heartaches and fear. Fear? The fear of losing the chance of a life-time, the fear of losing out for the love of the one, the fear of rejection.

We've been spending quite a fair bit of time together mainly because I know she needs the support and company. But when she tries to push away and distance herself, it felt like a thousand burning needles sticking at me. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, it just doesn't seem good enough is it? You had to keep throwing the kitchen sink at me just to keep me at a distance when I'm already giving you ample space and time. How far is far? Out of your sight or out of your life?

Maybe I have been trying too hard and crossing the line unknowingly as I tried to help out as a friend. Perhaps it was just too soon or perhaps you just cannot bring yourself to accept me into your life. Perhaps you hate me for being the cause of all your miseries. Too much uncertainties in this quirky situation. It really is very unsettling to have your life being decided by something that is beyond explanation, this funny little thing called fate.

What will be will be. That is why my dreams are now on a wing and a prayer. You know where to find me, cause I'll be right here. Waiting for you.

Withdrawal

2008-10-28T21:57:00.005+08:00

That's it. I'm officially an addict. The cravings just won't stop and its threatening to swamp out my senses and it seems nothing that I use to do matters anymore. I want it, I need it, I'm in pain. Your presence, it's my vicodine, my morphine, and the reason why I'm still alive.

This sheer desperation is torturous and tormenting me every waking moment. I need reprieve and solace but where can it be found? For those of you who STILL do not get it, I fell madly in love, to someone I shouldn't have (or so she keeps telling me).

I am so torn between patience and desperation. On one hand, I know it would do me good to be patient. You always hear me say what will be will be but as the sand trickles, I find myself believing less and less of it. Cue desperation. I'm desperate to make myself heard and make it up the mountain before it becomes insurmountable. The avalanches and rockfalls you trigger do not help one bit as you continuously try to throw me off. Every word was like needles piercing through my heart like the chilling cold of the atmosphere you try to create and deter this mountaineer.

Do you know what it's like? Being trod on and put down despite giving it all that you can give? And yet, despite all the misery and pain, one keeps going on. Fear gripes him at every ledge, anxiety pushes him to go faster even though it is perilous to do so. The loner gets no sympathy from the mountain, no sincere support from those he knows. He is all alone in his quest to scale the peak.

Why? He has given up once before so why not again? He has let go and yet he came back to the very same peak again. What drove him to such madness and compels him to do it all over again? Not because its there, but because of the promise of a new beginning that he desperately craves. To be with you ever since the first time you beheld his gaze. Do you still not see it girl? I am so madly in love with you that I will try my best, or die trying. You are the only solace I can find in this madness surrounding me and my only light in the darkness that perpetuates my life.

Madness? This is what they call Love.

2008-09-29T01:27:00.004+08:00

It used to be that my patience can tide me through many things but lately it seems, my patience is being tried and it is no longer as dependable as it was. Time as it seems, is no longer on my side as I now try to surmount some rather tough odds as I start finding myself worrying more than ever as the sense of urgency creeps up on me to get an answer. The pressure and stress of work is not helping (neither is the fact that my supported teams are not performing well, whats the go Ferrari?!). Heck, I'm even contemplating on going overseas to chase someone down if it comes down to that.

It all sounds a little cryptic here but thats the way it is. I'm back to my cryptic secretive ways. The walls have eyes, or I may be going mad from all that anxiety...

Brief respite

2008-09-15T14:32:00.005+08:00

And so it came to pass, the brief respite I had from the toils and troubles of work and (gasp) more work. This planned trip to the land of the rising sun had taken far too long to materialise but it finally pulled through and I, for one, am finally having a long break from all the worrying I've been doing.

For this purpose, I hopped on board the new A380 for a short flight to the Eastern Capital of Tokyo, for what had been a trip 3 years in the making, with a good friend of mine. We reached our destination early morning on the 5th and after a breif stopover at Tokyo station for some coffee (he insisted on filling his stomach) before making our way to our ryokan. But due to an error in taking the trains, we ended up in the wrong direction, at Akihabara. Omnious sign to reach the very stop I had always wanted to come to. But we had our luggage in tow so we made our way to the ryokan (the right direction) and reached there by 10-11ish. The check-in was pretty simple and the room was cosy. We popped in to a nearby 7-11 for our first meal of instant noodles. Hey, it was no shame at all since it was a totally new experience to be eating something of such good quality.

So there we were for the whole of 7 days, running around (the train system was surprisingly not that complicated) and going plenty of places. We, or rather I, hung around Akihabara for a good portion of the trip. It was my Mecca and paradise. To be able to finally enter Animate, hunt in Toranoana and explore Mandarake was so indescribable, I spent a few hours scouring through the stuff at one place that I almost forgot the time!

But all is not about Akiba. We did go to the famous fish market at Tsukiji (and feasted on some very fresh sushi), scooted over to the famous shrines in Nikko, visited the various temples in Asakuza (the famous Raimon too), Ueno, Ochanomizu and others (including the notorious Yasukuni). I ended up getting several charms for my colleagues and friends (friends got most of the charms praying for love, I got 4 for myself alone :p). I was so bowled over by the place and the feeling that I didn't really want to come back. A visit to the Maid cafe (Pinafore) was so unreal but it was like a chicken going into the pond. Had a real hard time trying to communicate and the girls were so cute trying to make sense! I was a very sad soul when I was boarding the plane.

Coming back home, I came crashing down. Suddenly everything became drab and the public transport was a total let-down (not that it was that fantastic to begin with).It was tough picking myself up to get back to work, especially when I landed smack in the middle of a fire-fighting session back in the office. Sigh.... back to work.

August Frenzy

2008-08-25T21:23:00.002+08:00

I know its been a while, quite alot has happened for the past month or so. First, got called up for my very first In-camp training. And then the much awaited Olympics came. Lets talk about the ICT first.

There I was, newly assigned to the unit and then was thrown into a Brigade level full-troop exercise.Well, all was rather fine since I was able to click with the other platoon commanders but had a slightly hard time trying to merge completely into the scout platoon. I understand since their original PC had been with them all the way so its unrealistic to expect total acceptence for a new guy like myself. Still, that remains a minor issue. It was the scheduled 8 days of exercise that raised quite a few eye-brows and lowered morale for many. What made it so long was actually a series of "breaks" in between the mission. Only thing is, these "breaks" sap more energy than replenish it because of the waiting and wondering. It does no good to lower our fatigue levels.

Anyway, first mission was a supposedly simple recon mission but on one of the tougher objective routes for my team. And we were inserted at the wrong time, giving us only an hour of cover under darkness to walk. As if that was not bad enough, it seems as if I overrated my own capability cause the moment I picked up my field-pack and started walking, I knew I was in deep trouble. The other guys were just as bad but I did manage to put up a front to push them on but it was futile after 3 hours when we eventually resulted in 5 minutes of walking followed by 10 minutes of resting. It was just that bad. Our mission was FUBAR (F*cked Up Beyond All Repair) and we got "killed" by a patrolling Armour vehicle after a while. Why FUBAR? There was only 1 road in to our objective and there was a whole company of enemy troops waiting for us along the way. AND to top it all off, the objective was changed to another one AFTER we were declared "dead"... Consolation though that we get to rest for the entire duration of that first mission, only having to deal with surprised remarks of us scouts being "captured" (hello, we are dead, not captured. And dead scouts dun talk).

2nd mission wasn't so bad if not for me being trapped by an enemy patrol on my way to the objective from my Observation Point position. For 3 whole hours, I disappeared off everyone's radar (I think my team declared me captured). So there I was, trying to think of ways and means to get back to my OP. I eventually decided to try bashing through some very tall cane plants, making quite a fair din with the rustling. To think of the fact that its the Chinese 7th month did not help. I ended up at a road junction near an enemy OP position that was the very same one that trapped my only route back. They heard me alright but I was lucky they never came to investigate. So I just sat tight near the road in the bushes, tired, tirsty and very very pissed. I bidded my time and calculated the risks before making a run for it. A distance from the spot, I jumped into the forest and move quickly in the general direction of my OP. Either the enemy were asleep or too surprised to even give chase, I won't know. I knew for sure my heart was pumping like a motor piston. The guys were all damn surprised to see me for sure.

Final mission was something new to me. I was to act as the intel officer for the Armour-fighting force for the Battalion's defence mission. Nothing much happened though since the enemy opted to attack from another direction so nothing for me to do, right? Wrong! Another group launched their attack at another Battalion's defence position and I happen to be right in the area. And when the other OPs could not get through to the main intel centre, I ended up being the mobile intel centre in the field. Its not easy in that cold damp environment where water condenses everywhere, including rubber tyres. It was an eye-opener of an exercise really but hell no I don't want to go through it all again!

Not to mention that this whole thing made us missed a whole chunk of the Olympic events! Even though I'm not a fervant fan to watch every event, I'm still a strong supporter of the Olympic ideals and celebrating the best of Athleticism. Kudos to Michael Phelps and Usain "Lightning" Bolt for their prowess and to the Chinese (Whom cannot be entirely trusted for their product quality) for organising such an extraordinary Games that no other Nations can possibly match. (London has alot to think about and do). Good show but it's back to work now.

System failure

2008-07-12T01:37:00.003+08:00

I hereby declare the BYOB day a failure, along with all the whacko ideas that the authorities have come up with. Why? Because everything just failed from the end-users' viewpoint.

First up, BYOB day was implemented to try getting people to cut down on the use of plastic bags. Just the other day, I was down to the local supermarket (with my own bag in tow) and was greeted with the sickening sight of all the lazy folks gorging themselves with the plastic bags to carry their merchandise with. There at the side of the counter was a small can which 10cents was to be donated for every plastic bag taken. Not a single cent was ever dropped in after observing 10 people with obvious plastic bag fetishes moving off from the check-out counters. Instant failure...

Next comes the road traffic regulating measures, most "fondly" in the form of higher payment on what used to be heavily-congested roads (which are still congested). Has the ERP succeeded in easing traffic flow? Hell no! Let's put this in the form of a simple analogysince the brains behind it fail to see it so clearly. If I have 100 cars heading to a single point A with only 3 roads leading to A I get congested roads on all 3 with perhaps road 1 being more congested. If I make people travelling on road 1 pay more, I successfully "eased" the traffic flow for road 1. What the nit wits dun see is there are STILL 100 cars on all 3 roads and that number is still allowed to grow! Why is it so damn hard to just cut the number of new cars sprouting out on the roads? Is it because daddy's little boy just got his licence and he has to make sure he gets one so as to show that your family is well-to-do?

Hello people! Yeah, you sitting in that office chair in some Ministry or authority. I seriously question your credentials to be sitting in your positions. I even question your qualifications as graduates or professionals with any common sense.

Say what?

2008-07-07T23:08:00.002+08:00

I now wish to refute a very popular gripe among the locals here. Singaporeans are NOT inconsiderate. They are the most kind and generous people around. They can have the heart to throw millions away to every disaster area that needs relief, oblivious to the fact that most of it probably ended up in some politician's pockets, funding their Mercedez rides. They can even donate tens of thousands in "blood money" to a poor murdered girl, which ended up with her mother whom promptly packed her bags and left for her home town in China and live in a life of semi-luxury. All these thanks to our generosity.

So why is it that many of us berate our fellow countrymen as inconsiderate and yet we show such a generous side? The answer is very simple. Singaporeans are ILLITERATE and hence STUPID. Take for example the many sign boards telling people not to litter and yet you see litter underneathe that very sign. What irony. Escalators with signs telling people to stand on the left to let people pass on the right side are not understood, even though its in the universal language English. Whats even worse are the cars that park next to signs asking them not to park there. How do these people even get a licence to begin with!?

Well, thats just it. The government has to step in and start sending the majority of the population back to grammar school instead of harping over the official "statistics" that we have a 98% literacy rate. Because the evidence just points otherwise, that many of the adults and working professionals are simply not up to par yet.

Conscious Nightmares

2008-05-27T23:07:00.005+08:00

I am still scarred by the manner in which my mother passed away. Everything has been a (somewhat) welcomed distraction so far as I sought to leave the pieces behind and move on as I have always done for all the bad things that happened. Yet, somehow I keep finding myself looking back and reliving that final 24hrs of anguish and despair during the quiet moments.

Just a clarification though. I am not a mummy's boy. Never was a good boy as well. I have caused her a fair bit of pain and disappointment during those rebellious years as an emo teen. Yet, I can always feel her love for me and the guilt builds up after all these years. Even though I strove to make her proud of me, I never felt I had done so. So there I was, at her bed side in that hospital room the day of her warding. She had complained of feeling chilly in spite of the blankets. It was at that moment that I did the only thing that conveyed my care for her, by taking her hands to give her some warmth. Never in my mind would I have thought that something would happen to her. She was in the care in a country boasting one of the finest healthcare services in the world. What could go wrong? It turned out, everything.

She never regained consciousness after midnight. That night till dawn was harrowing seeing her transferred to the Intensive Care Unit at 2am but still I held faith in the medical professionals. The next afternoon, seeing her lying helpless in bed and being restrained in a semi-conscious state, I broke down in public. Yet still, I held out hope that she might pull through.

Then it started. First, her heart stopped beating but the doctors restarted it and pumped adrenaline to aid the heart. I was sent home earlier to wash up and prepare to spend the night on a virgil and had to rush back in the evening traffic, all the while murmuring desperately for her to at least hold on till I'm there. We finally had the opportunity to go into the room. We were there giving her verbal encouragement, futile hope that she can make it out in one piece. Then against all hope, her heart failed a second time and the nurses pulled the curtains for a final time as despair started to fill my heart. I was shattered when the doctor came out with the bad news. We filed in to be with her one last time. I knew she was already gone. It had been far too long for her brain to still be functioning while lacking in oxygen. It was raining by the time we went home after settling the forms and the funeral arrangements. It felt like the whole world was crying with me.

Several months on. I'm back to working and whatever socialising I had, trying to go back to the "normal" life I once had but the sense of something missing never left. This Mother's day, I bought a stalk of carnation for the first time and visited her. We had never really celebrated that day but I desperately wanted to do something. I still feel alot of guilt and regret for never showing her more concern than I should have as her son. Yet, I know I have to put up a show of strength for the sake of my father, who was probably the hardest hit by this event. With this vast amount of guilt eating away, I don't know how long I can put up this facade as I feel the cracks starting to form. I am human too afterall you know...

One hurdle cleared for the year

2008-05-03T22:03:00.002+08:00

It is a herculean task for every "able-bodied" male in Singapore to have to pass their annual Individual Physical Proficiency Test (IPPT). It ironic that almost every male, once having left the army or past the age of 30, inevitably developes an unhealthy increase in the size of his pants. Thankfully, I'm still not in this bunch but its still very demoralising to have to undertake this strainuous task every year.

Not that I have a difficulty in passing, I'm just trying to get the bare minimum (personal)standard of silver (and that $200 that comes with it). So there I was on the running track, running for my dear life, trying to beat the clock with my huffing and panting. Very soon, the dry throat and aching legs caught up but I did manage to cross before my mental endurance collapsed. So I've crossed this hurdle and am able to settle back into being a couch potato again for another year.

And how did I spend that extra cash? I went and blew it by offsetting the cost of a limited edition PSP Slim. And coincidentally its colours coincide with the colours of my team (Red Devils). Everything's good right now :)

Minor updating

2008-04-01T22:42:00.002+08:00

Hee, been getting very lazy recently. Have resorted to re-watching Densha Otoko "電車男" all over again, just to fill in the time since most of my anime have not been releasing as regularly. I'm not even sure when the subbers are gonna clear all that backlog.

Oh yeah, had the misfortune to drop into the sea during some treatment of the fish. Wet clothing and wet underwear..... ewwww..... Luckily I did bring a spare set in my bag. Sigh, bad omens for the week perhaps?

IPPT training...again

2008-03-18T20:59:00.004+08:00

Its that time of the year where all able-bodied males in Singapore dread. IPPT is round the corner and time to dust off those barely-used runners and work on those flabs. Whoa whoa whoa, hang on a minute there. Just to clarify I keep my body in relatively good condition. I dun have much visible flab but my six-packer is no longer that visible. That's starting to bug me quite a bit but being the lazy bugger that I am, its kinda hard to bring myself to start. But then again, I still have to force myself to start the training somehow.

A coincidence that I picked today coz the weather was fine enough for the guys to go play a bit of futsal in the afternoon sun during lunch. Good enough to work up some sweat. Then again, I still have to go for a short 15-minute run when I got home so you can imagine how pooped out I am at the end of the day.

Oh well. No pain no gain. Look forward to getting at least $200 from the test though.

Days when you go...

2008-03-12T23:28:00.002+08:00

Rain. Lots of it. And in bouts. All this in a day's work. Not very nice for one who has to brave the elements every working day. Nobody enjoys being soaked and I'm no exception. Yet I still have to carry on because it is my work afterall.

Time to make and hang some teru teru bozus (Japanese rain wards). I hate rain....

First flight

2008-03-04T23:08:00.010+08:00

I was never meant to write. I am not a writer, not even a mediocre one. Yet, there is always an urge to put my thoughts in print. It feels like setting my inner demons free.

I had a previous log that I contributed to from time to time during my lonely hours while studying in Australia. I was almost always alone, which suites me just fine since I am quite inept in the socializing business. So the time was often spent between whiling away the time playing games, doing personal reflections and missing home. It was during this time that I was struck by lightning. Well, maybe not lightning but it felt like a sudden jolt from nowhere when I met someone who would make some changes to my life.

It was not that obvious at first, given that I had several rules set for myself and one of which was never to be a third party. It was pretty soon that the rule was broken. Slowly the addiction set in and it went on for quite a while. Love was pretty much like heroine and writing was a small avenue to exorcise some of the inner demons that ravaged the mind. When I finally picked up the courage to let it go, it also spelt the end to my words as first emptiness sets in before it fills up with sadness. Enforcement of the silence policy had to be strict as punishment for the rule violation. I did my time.

It has been over a year to the day I last wrote. Since then, I have lost another light in my life when my dear mother passed away suddenly. It seemed the whole world was crashing down on me but I kept quiet. The silence was deafening and it eats aways at the heart every passing day.

It was this day I went to catch yet another movie, alone. The choice was "The Leap Years". The reason for it was the ever beautiful Li-Lin (bless her charming smile). Watching movies alone is rather convenient, not to mention cheaper, but watching a romantic one alone with hordes of other lovebirds around you is not something I would recommend to everyone.

The movie was a charming story and it conjured up several thoughts into the mind. Humans love fantasy and dreams, because it brings them to their own perfect world, away from the realities of life. I am a dreamer myself and have spent most of my time in fantasies and dreams. I took my leap of faith and fell. It is time to realise that what I have learnt about life in 3 simple words:

It moves on.

Time for me to start from scratch, and take flight once again.